musings and misadventures: HTT

8.19.2008

HTT - Waxing Edition

I read this article last week.

I then threw up in my mouth.

If you are too lazy to read it, and 9 out of 10 people are, then I'll sum it up: Moms are taking their young (i.e. 10 and under) kids to be waxed - eyebrows, legs, back, bikini line - all in the name of beauty. Because, you know, young kids with hair (gasp!) are so disgusting.

I'm disturbed by this, just like I am by all beauty trends that that dictate maintenance standards until we are waxed, plucked and primped into copies of each other. And I'm even more disturbed that mothers are behind this latest craze.

Let me make this clear - your child is beautiful just as he/she is. Right now. With a unibrow. With an unnatural amount of back hair. With average peach fuzz on her legs.

Now, I should clarify that there are two types of moms they discussed in the articles - those who bring their children in to avoid/curb teasing and those who do it to improve their child's appearance. I can sympathize with the former, but the latter may be the scum of the earth. (Oops! Just checked and that title still belongs to people who take advantage of the mentally disabled ... but it's a close second.)

In my house, we didn't get to shave until 12. I cheated at 10, but I fell into that early puberty category that necessitated it. But I was probably the only girl in fifth grade with smooth skin. We all wore our unruly hair in ponytails and loose T-shirts and distinct child body odor scent with pride. Whereas today's fifth graders are sporting highlights, fitted designer gear and hairless gams. It's sad.

Kids deserve to be kids, and teenagers deserve to be young, as well. The pressure to be perfectly primped is too much to ask emotionally, physically and financially of people who can't even drive themselves to an appointment.

But what do you think?

Is this just a harmless trend?

Or is it hurting our kids?

Discuss.

27 comments:

acte gratuit said...: I do NOT think it's harmless when it's the perfectionist mother initiating it for selfish reasons. I've heard (more than once) the theory that in more sexualized societies, girls go through puberty earlier. I don't know if that is true or not, but I do think that turning our daughters into sex objects at a younger and younger age can ONLY have negative results long term. Those poor girls! It's bad enough that they have to watch their Mom's obsess about their bodies and appearance, but when the mom turns it on her daughter and basically says "You aren't pretty/perfect/sexy enough the way you are!" it's a travesty!; 7:15 AM
Leisha Mareth said...: I'm half and half. I don't think a child needs to be waxed and plucked and forced into unrealistic beauty standards. However, I am anti-unibrow (talk to me when your child has black hair, and have you seen Madonna's daughter's uni-brow? It is reminiscent of Bert from Sesame St.). I am also anti- body odor. You teach the 10 year old Sunday School class with the door shut and the a/c runnin' low and I will show you someone who wants to buy stock in deoderant pronto!; 7:37 AM
{Erica} said...: Amen to what you said. Let kids be kids...they grow up sooner than you think.; 9:14 AM
Leslie said...: i'm with leisha. i have a friend whose four year old girl had a unibrow. she debated and debated about plucking it, and ultimately did, saving her daughter from teasing and shameful photo viewing later in life. her unibrow really was distracting and i felt a little sorry for her when she had it. as for stinky kids, it's one of my pet peeves, and i can't stand when my kids are dirty. i don't bathe them religiously every day, it's more like every other day, but you can bet the minute they start getting odorous in a few years, i'll be sneaking mitchum into the bathroom.

anything further than that (leg waxing) or shaving before age 11 or 12 or any other sort of over-the-top beauty routine for children is pretty ridiculous. have you seen the "kids' menu" at your local nail salon? and ya, what's up with highlighting little kids' hair anyway. i see that more and more.; 9:34 AM
Angy said...: amen sista! i wasn't allowed to shave til i was 12... how my sister was allowed at 11 i'll never know :P

i agree, let kids be kids :); 9:34 AM
sara said...: I read that article the other day too and couldn't believe it. I could be sympathetic to the unibrows or heavy back-haired girls though. I am trying hard to keep my girls young (currently ages 4 and 6), not worrying about these things, and trying to raise them to be low-maintenance. Well, I do fix their hair cute and with ribbons (but not every day) but they only get to have their nails painted about twice a year and lipgloss only for dress-up. And no pierced ears for quite a while yet. And definitely no highlights until... well I haven't thought about that but maybe once they can pay for it themselves.; 10:19 AM
Nat said...: I'm also half and half on this one. There's a girl in my ward that's 8, with really dark hair, and her mom lets her shave her legs to wear shorts, because otherwise she'd look like an ape. So I understand the teasing thing.

And puberty is hitting earlier and earlier because of growth hormones etc. put into our food, so girls are "womanizing" at 8 and 9 years old now instead of 12 or 13 like when we were all growing up. So they're going to have to be doing deodorant and tampons and all that jazz earlier in life than we did.

However, if my daughter starts asking for highlights, and pierced ears, and makeup, and bikini waxes, I draw the line there. No one likes to see a 5-year-old looking like a 20-year-old. They still need that little girl time to be who they are.; 10:40 AM
steph said...: what are we teaching kids? seriously, no more - it's what's on the inside that counts... disgusting.

now, that isn't to say that i judge moms whose child is mercilessly made fun of. i understand that kids can be cruel, and to save your child from cruelty, maybe an eyebrow pluck is necessary... or not.

i was made fun of for not having boobs. how grateful am i to my mom for not getting me a boob job. not that i wanted one at age 10...

that's all i'm saying.; 11:05 AM
Mary said...: You're grounded.

That's all I'm saying.; 11:16 AM
The Shabby Princess said...: I would say that yes it varies based on the child, e.g., black hair, etc and if teasing is involved. Kids can be mean!! I wasn't allowed to shave or anything until 6th grade because that was Jr. High School for me. I did sneak the razor at an earlier age and you bet I cut the heck out of my leg and still have a very large scar to prove it. I don't remember when I started wearing deodorant, but, I think it was a before 6th grade, and that was for pure smell-good non-stinky reasons. My mother didn't want a skiny child. I can understand that.

My mom put the rules in place and I knew what they were. I think it's terrible to see young girls being so involved in the whole "grooming/makeup/hair/clothing" thing. Kids are only kids for so long. Let them be kids.; 11:27 AM
marcie said...: I think that this is really disturbing. It ticks me off that the hairy, stinky, unibrow kids are made fun of in the first place. It's the kids who are raised by parents that take them to get their bikini line waxed at age 8 that are the ones teasing the girl with a unibrow. The problem is the adults who are raising these children-- they will be a more critical, pefectionist generation than even ours is... Heaven help us all.; 11:30 AM
NG said...: I'm not so disturbed by the hair removal as I am by the message we send with the hair removal... and the make-up for little girls... and the pint sized clothing that looks like a $2 hooker... and everything else kids are bombarded with at way too young an age.

I just bought this book. Haven't read it yet - just got it yesterday - but I thought I'd pass it along. Speaking as the mother of a 4 going on 35 year old, there are days when I just want to lock her in the basement for the next 15 years, but that's just not realistic. And CPS would frown, I'm sure. It's a tough subject.; 11:34 AM
LCM said...: I am treading a fine line between helping my daughter out before other people notice and not making her self conscious of things. Ugh! We have done a moustache bleaching once. And I did recommend deodorant, but I haven't pointed out her hairy legs, I figure if she has noticed yet then.. BTW what 8 year old has a bikini line to wax?; 11:37 AM
Tia said...: I just moved back to Portland from Rochester, NY. There, it was all the rage for little girls (ages 4-8) to have "Sweet and Sassy" birthday parties. They would pick up the girls in a pink limo, and drive them to the little girl spa. There, they would have a facial, manicure, pedicure, up-do, and makeup application. I had tears in my eyes when my favorite 5-year-old told me about how she went and loved it. Let kids be kids, and don't start making them feel societal pressure to be done-up at age 4! I do agree that in certain situations, a little plucking is a humane way to stop teasing.; 12:01 PM
Joey and Megan said...: Thankfully my 12 year old hasn't wanted any of that, although she started sneaking the razor about a year ago, and I was fine with that. I think it's absurd to give little girls highlights, much less all of this other junk.

However, there was a really, really hairy girl in my sixth grade class who wore skirts every day and her mom wouldn't let her shave her legs. I felt soooo sorry for her. So only if it is really necessary to avoid the teasing.; 12:23 PM
Jessi said...: The most important message we can send our girls is that we love them NO MATTER WHAT. And that they are innately wonderful. The age we allow our girls to start shaving or coloring their hair is secondary to the big issue: What we are teaching them about the origin of their individual worth. As the mother of four (almost five!!) girls I'm ultra-sensitive to the messages I send them. I want them to be well-groomed (ie, "neat, clean, and modest"), but I don't want them to feel like their worth is derived from the way they look.; 12:43 PM
Mrs. Dub said...: I should clarify that I'm not pro-unibrow or b.o. I'm just appalled by the moms who can't see past those things - and who get fixated on beauty flaws when they should be teaching unconditional love and inner worth.

I think a little grooming, especially when teasing is involved, is OK, as well as some girly pampering on occasion. But if your kids think they need it to be beautiful, there's something wrong.

(Same goes for adults.); 12:46 PM
Sarah Garner said...: I think it's important to teach our kids to respect and take care of their bodies. I do my kids hair everyday, make sure they are in clean clothes and they don't have stray boogies hanging out ont heir face.

HOWEVER I completely agree that it's starting to get out of hand these days. I know people that highlights there 3 year olds hair. There are 8 year olds in my ward with acryllic nails. I think that is absolutely crazy.

Part of the problem, I really believe, are the role models that they are looking at and wanting to become just like. My hero was Candice Cameron, aka "DJ Tanner" from Full House. I thought she was the most beautiful thing on this earth. That show addressed her imperfections and the fact that she was still beautiful, that you should be okay with who you are. Much different than the Miley Cirus' and Jamie Lynn Speirs of the media world today.

The other part of the problem is moms that let their kids think those kind of perfection standards are okay. If your kid like Hannah Montanna discuss it with them. Explain to them why we don't wear all that makeup until we are older.

I wasn't allowed to shave or wear makeup until jr. high and I hated my mom for it... however the same rule will apply in my home. Let kids be kids. They aren't ready to deal with issues of sexuality or looking like an adult when they graduate high school, let alone when they are 8.

BESIDES the early you start shaving, the darker and thicker your hair will grow back (that's what my mom told me anyway :) ); 1:08 PM
Shaka said...: i agree. it is ridiculous! we are starting them too young. let them be kids! should 10 year old girls care if they have hairy legs-or even have a bikini line to wax!!! if it is to keep the child from being made fun of then i have no problem but i do think we have to be careful about how young we start them on these things. i don't think even a highschool girl should get a bikini wax. but i'm prob. wierd! oh well.; 3:48 PM
Renee said...: As one of those hairy girls that used to be made fun of, I can certainly sympathize. For me, it wasn't so much my mom trying to protect me, but it was me begging her to let me shave or bleach my hair. We tried all kinds of hair removal techniques from covering my body in Nair (never again) to bleaching to shaving. It wasn't even a beauty thing...just a I-don't-want-to-be-called-a-hairy-monster thing.

And, it's not just the kids of the overly primpy beauty queen moms. Kids are kids and all of them tease...no matter who their parents are. Sometimes it's not even malicious, but just a comment from another kid can cause serious self-esteem issues (so much so that thousands of dollars are spent in adulthood on laser hair removal). I agree that it's a shame that hair and other "flaws" are even considered flaws and that our society is so beauty conscious.

I also agree that make-up, dying hair, bikini waxing, and acrylic nails are beyond ridiculous for children...enough has been said about this above and I just say Amen.; 4:57 PM
Anonymous said...: There's a difference in teaching your child to be well-groomed (wearing deoderant) and telling them they aren't pretty if they don't wear make-up. Grooming habits can also take diligence and working with your children to cultivate. Until they see it as important they don't want to do it.

But to put such an emphasis on external beauty without helping them to know who they are and grounding them in that knowledge has the potential to leave them adrift later in life as they search for the answer to that question.

Children seek attention and praise however they can get it. If they get that for their looks, or for changing their looks, then they will continue to focus there. We need to concentrate elsewhere if we want them to know they are important for more than just what's on the outside.

BTW - I know the post is about girls... but this can happen with boys too. Maybe not to this extreme, and possibly for other ways, but, as the mother of sons, I've seen the pressure to be more sports like and the damage when they feel it's not met.; 4:58 PM
ANN said...: I have very dark hair and was an early bloomer, so I understand the desire to take care of stray hairs at an early age. There were two things my parents did that I think were spot on. First, while THEY may have noticed my hairy legs and unibrow - I didn't. Because they didn't mention it or make a big deal about removing it (and neither did my peers), I did not care. Second, and most importantly, they didn't push it on me. It wasn't until I went to to my mom at 12 that we talked about it.

Most importantly, I knew my parents loved me and wanted me to love myself. And, I think, this behavior under minds both.; 6:10 PM
emily & david said...: Poor Bria would be in major trouble if I waxed her. Her whole little body's covered in dark fuzz!

That said, I do wish my husband would've figured out eyebrow tweezing a little earlier. (His high school unibrow years were quite unsightly, but maybe they helped keep his ego down.); 7:42 PM
Jen said...: Ridiculous. Absurd. Dreadful.; 8:27 PM
Super B said...: I completely agree with you. I was a Pre K teacher and there was a 4 yr. old whose mom took her to get highlights in her hair. The mom also had a boob job and frequently had tighter and tighter skin on her face. It is so sad. I know that girl is gonna have a complex when she gets older...just like her mom.
I think it is safe to say that everyone agrees on this one.
It is scary to me...since I am a mother to a new daughter. I hope I can avoid all the sexualizing of young girls and the pint size clothes and the pressure to be a certain way. Maybe I will just move to a tiny village in Alaska and let my girls be hairy rainforest women, who wear plaid shirts and never cut their hair.; 9:20 AM
Pam said...: We don't have to have totally granola kids. Girls should get to feel pretty sometimes, not going to extremes of course. My daughter (who is two) and I paint each others toenails (at home) before church every Sunday. I always considered this my bonding time with her, and a chance to say it is okay to be girly and done up sometimes. We might not have her hair brushed some other days of the week, but a little bit is okay.

Its all about moderation...; 10:07 AM
M-Ware said...: ouch. waxing sucks. but a nice pair of tweezers for the uni-brow is greatly appreciated.; 1:05 PM