HTT: In-Law Edition

Since sooo many of you helped give me insight into the world of marriage, I thought I’d HTT about a similar topic: in-laws.

Now for clarification (and to avoid confusion), I must being with this declaration: I LOVE my in-laws.

Like, I seriously scored. They are wonderful, kind, fun people who share similar values and interests with my own family. A whoppin’ sorry to those out there with baggage-laden, possessive, meddlesome in-laws. Thankfully, I don’t have to deal with that.

However, even the best of in-laws are still in-laws – meaning that they are a different family with a different set of life experiences. So no matter how welcomed you feel (and I sure did), you still have to learn to adjust to a new way of doing things.

When Mr. Dub and I first got hitched, we lived in close proximity to the female half of his family. This was fabulous because I got to know them very well, but I was still intimidated at times. Here were all these established, accomplished (not to mention thin) women with a similar way of doing things, and I show up with my People magazine and political tendencies only to realize that Jessica Simpson and stem cell research weren’t on their family radar.

So despite our families’ striking similarities there were some differences – different food, different conversation, different traditions, different rules. And there were subsequent adjustments that had to be made to my interpretation of family.

At first I played coy, trying to blend in as much as possible. Maybe it was a leftover habit from the “selling” phase of courtship when you want to convince any potential in-laws that you are worthy of admission into the fam. Or maybe I just overanalyze things. (Do NOT answer that question, Mr. Dub!)

But being anything but myself made things even harder so I gave up the act and got genuine – and they didn’t care. They liked the real me. (And basically knew who that was already … I’m not great at acting, except for my rousing 1992 performance in “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.”)

But that’s not the end of in-law issues. Despite our respective love of each other’s families, we both brought a separate life experience to our marriage. And sometimes they clash.

For example, in my family someone could serve raw chicken and you’d hear a chorus of, “No, it tastes great. I like it tender.” Because we are very sensitive to the sensitivity of others, especially when personal effort or aesthetics is involved. And we’re prone to exaggeration or lying when it helps others feel good. But when it comes to things like politics or religion or pop culture, we’re happy to disagree and debate and play devil’s advocate.

Mr. Dub’s family, on the other hand, appreciates a little honesty in matters like lumpy mashed potatoes and bad haircuts. They’ll tell each other like it is, which I often envy. But sometimes when Mr. Dub tells me like it is, I wish he’d sugarcoat it a bit more. And when it comes to issues of politics or religion, there are a lot of black and white lines that were drawn in his childhood sand, while mine is sprinkled with gray.

Neither way is better; they’re just different. But different can be hard when you’re trying to be one in marriage.

And don’t even get me started about whose family to live by (if we could choose). I think the girl typically tries to pull her man to her hometown, but when he’s close to his family and I like them, too – shoot, you wish they’d all live in one state. (Preferably in one large home with communal dinners because, man, can both sides of our family cook!)

So there you have it – a perspective on in-laws from someone who actually likes hers. In fact, amidst writing this I received a phone call from one of my sisters-in-law – who happens to be my hero – and I’m overwhelmed once again by my love for them.

Even if they don’t have a preference on whether Ashlee or Jessica Simpson is cuter.

For the record, it’s so Ashlee right now. (Post-nose job, of course.)

What about you?

Are your in-laws like family or a branch of the family tree you’d like to chop off?

And what advice would you bestow on someone about to marry into a new family … like someone I’m about to call sister.