Attention: Arizona is a desert!

As you know, I fled Chicago for Arizona for a fortnight. But there's no way to fully recount my journey, both because it would bore you and because I already can't remember what I did. So let me summarize it with this statement: Cancer sucks. Sunshine rules.

No, I do not have cancer. I also do not have sunshine - at least not the kind of sunshine that embraces 85-degree winds, allowing me to prance outside with nary a hat or jacket. I'm talking flip-flops, baby! Instead, I have the kind of sunshine that is generally coated with clouds and frigid winds. In other words, it's highly likely that Arizona and Illinois are actually on different planets. I would encourage further study on this topic, but who wants higher taxes?

So it's kind of a bummer to be back to regular life. I miss my parents. I miss my "Fabulous" friends. I miss flip-flops.

And I really have to give Arizona credit. Growing up I liked to bag on it, mostly because it didn't have an ocean, which is still true . However, the weather (8 months out of the year), the infrastructure and the shopping/eating are divine. Granted, it is a desert, something I didn't believe as a kid. I'd think, "Sure, it was once a desert, but now it looks like anywhere else." Um, no. It's very brown and very cactus-dense. Most front lawns have rocks instead of grass. And while there are definitely less scarve-wearing wooden coyotes now than a few years back, there's still an epidemic of bolo ties, typically worn by Midwestern transplants. But overall, it's a nice place.

That's about it.

Any questions?

Like a post, but not really

FIVE reasons Arizona is better than where you live*

1. Blue skies - natch.

2. Higher percentage of stairwells = more hare-tossing opportunities.

3. World's largest collection of porch swings.


4. Easter every day!*


5. Better acoustics.

* Does not apply to anyone living near a beach or in the south of France.
* Does not apply to any day except for the Sunday immediately following the first full moon after the vernal equinox.

Travel-locks

Do you like analogies?

I do. In fact, I like to drag them out so far that they go beyond ridiculously cheesy to positively inspiring. Seriously. If you start with a little comparison between life and sports, for example, by the fourth reference to your “game face” or “keeping score”, people will start to gag. But if you keep at it for ten or more references and end with something like “because it’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game” … you’ll bring tears to the eyes of grown women. (Which is way more impressive than grown men because they actually like sports.)

And that is why I am going to tell you about my recent trip to Utah and Arizona, using haircutting jargon to cover all my bases … er, roots. (See, what I mean?) By the end, you’ll either be penning a sweet letter to your stylist or making an appointment. Whatever the case may be, you’ll be blown away. (Get it? Blown? Like a blowout?)

HIGHLIGHTS
* Seeing family and friends in two states I’ve called home. Catching up and hanging out was extraordinarily fun. And it didn’t hurt that there were always extra hands and hugs for Miss Dub, giving me some much needed respite from mommying. The days flew by, which made the trip fun but way too fast.
* Meeting my nephew, lil’ Gee, for the first time since his March debut. For the record, he’s really, really, ridiculously cute - so full of smiles and personality already. Although it was hard to get used to his slender build after hefting my hearty Miss Dub around. (For the record, I like her a little chubby!)
* Watching my bro and his new wife dance down the aisle in their custom Converse to the tune of “Happy Together” by The Turtles. She looked so gorgeous, and he wasn’t too shabby himself. Though he’ll always be a toddler obsessed with dinosaurs in my mind. Deal with it, Bogey.
* Lunching with an old mission companion, who I sadly hadn’t seen in a couple years. Did I mention that she looks like Barbie? Minus the plastic features, horrible cowlick and effeminate boyfriend. Oh, and she’s way nicer. All my Barbies had attitudes.
* Swimming with Miss Dub, Mrs. Jay and the extended Gourmet Girls clan. Mrs. Jay even went so far as to overnight matching swimsuits for Miss Dub and lil’ Gee to match her fam. Thankfully, Miss Dub loved the pool, which is good since I’ve been daydreaming about her Olympic swimming career for decades. I really didn’t want to settle for gymnastics.
* Not blogging or reading blogs for more than a week. No offense, but it was nice. Blogs can be computer crack for me sometimes so it was nice to go cold turkey. (Though the shakes were rough.)
* Eating way too much.

LOWLIGHTS
* The fact that my dear friend, Mrs. R, had to cancel her baby shower, which was the point of the Utah leg of my journey. You might be familiar with her plight, which you can read about here and hear about here and here. But sufficeth to say that bureaucracy and D.C. are synonymous for a reason. She and her little boy are separated from her husband for the unforeseen future because a signature and a piece of paper can’t seem to make a connection. So sad! (But in a lil’ highlight, I was able to sneak into her pad and leave some gifts, some signs and some lemon-fresh cleanliness!)
* Not seeing Mr. Dub for an entire week. Ouch. That was the sound of my heart breaking remembering our separation. Some people like the occasional reprieve from their other half, but we’re best as a team. (Shoot! I should have used a sports analogy.)
* Leaving my cell phone in Utah. Having my mother-in-law send it to me in Arizona, only to have it never arrive. Not being able to call my friend and congratulate her on the birth of her newest son. (Congrats!) Not being able to call Mrs. R and check up on her adoption proceedings. (How goes it?) Checking my messages and realizing that only three people tried to call me since I left it behind. And two of them are related to me.
* Finding out in the SLC airport that my sole suitcase was six pounds overweight. Being informed that I would have to transfer said six pounds to my already overflowing diaper bag. Ditching a huge load of diapers in a restroom instead.

* Eating way too much.

All in all, the entire journey was shear joy and a cut above all other trips. It took my straight life and turned it into an adventurous updo. It was a brush with greatness. My life was the splits and it acted as a hot oil treatment.

-- OK, so maybe some analogies are just too trite to use.

But in the end, it’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.

Or something like that.

Picture pages

Twelve days,

three states

and a lot of

good food.

No, it’s not the proposed epitaph for my gravestone.

It's the shortest description of my über-fun trip to Utah and Arizona.

But since I’ve never been one for brevity, I’ll share a little more of my travels … tomorrow.

(Ha, look at me building suspense! Take that Angela Lansbury!)

For now, it’s all pics, all the time.

(And 60 percent of the time, it works every time!)