Right now (not a Van Halen tribute)

Right now, I am looking out my window at a cloud that looks like it will deliver a weather whoopin'. To say I'm frustrated with Midwestern weather would be an understatement. We get a few perfect days each year, but the rest are either frigid and flurry-filled or sticky and stormy. (I know that alliteration is really overused these days, but my true calling in life is to be a card writer. I am NOT kidding. If anyone has connections with a telecommuting card writing job, please email me. I have a hilarious idea for a Rosh Hashannah card. Again, I'm NOT kidding here. It involves a talking calendar.)

Right now, I am not wondering why they call it hand-foot-mouth disease, because one look at Miss Dub confirms the name's inspiration. She has sores on her hands, feet and mouth. So I guess if I had any suggestion for the disease namers, it would be to call it hands-feet-mouth disease, because the sores have been no way limited themselves to one side of her body, and the name is sort of misleading in that regard.

Right now, I'm hoping that none of your children has hand-foot-mouth disease, because Miss Dub probably gave it to them. Probably through the Internet. It is very contagious for, like, three weeks, which means we are going to be watching an inordinate amount of children's TV, because I just cannot think of 10 hours of indoor activities each day.

Right now, I'm trying to figure out a way to enforce our no "Caillou" rule. That whiny brat is way more annoying than educational. Also, his mom wears clothes that are not flattering to her figure.

Right now, I am watching a young Justin Timberlake sing to Elmo on an old episode of "Sesame Street." I'm wondering how someone with such a high vocal range has been able to score such beautiful girlfriends. Then again, besides Britney, his lady friends are on the sinewy, masculine side. And we all know Britney isn't even human, but part of some fedora-wearing alien species who probably live on the same planet as suspender-wearing animals. (Why must chimps always wear suspenders?)

Right now, I'm wondering who would win in a street fight - a taco or a grilled cheese sandwich.

What are you thinking about right now?