To-Don't

I must tell you something about me in case we’ve never met and you’re thinking we might be the bestest of friends should we ever end up in the same corner of suburbia somewhere.

I looove a good To-Do list.

And by looove, I mean I’m obsessed.

A mere sheet of paper or sticky note is not enough for me. I have an entire notebook on me at all times that delineates all that I need to do in life.

(To Do: Buy new, hip notebooks that make people think I’m keeping an inspiration file instead of something boring and freaky.)

Still think I’m normal? Then let us peruse the contents of said notebook for further proof that you should make friends with Mrs. Dee or Mrs. Kay instead of the neurotic Mrs. Dub who carries “that list.”

1. “Look For” list – This list currently contains nine items (three crossed off) that I should be looking for when out and about. A cool shower gift, a fabulous print and a dress are on the list. Because I fear I might forget to look for something while shopping. Which honestly sounds impossible because if I can manage to buy things I’m not looking for at Target all the time, then why in the world would I need help buying the things I actually need?

(To Do: Stop buying thing you don’t need.)

(To Do: Go to Target for the third time this week.)

2. “House Projects” list – The only item on this page is a canvas that I started and never finished. Like, over a month ago. And I probably never will. But my guilt in purchasing the canvas and supplies is appeased because it’s in my book. Which means I know I’ve failed. Hello! I wrote it down.

3. “Art Project” list – On the same page, I list “inspiration file/book.” See.

(To Do: Get inspired.)

4. “Wishlist” list – In case looking for things isn’t enough, I have an ongoing list of things that are just shy of needs. Like new running shoes and some new glassware. But since my list was getting long and making me feel materialistic, I’ve since converted most of it onto an Excel spreadsheet that lists each room in my house along with my wish list of items, including links to products, and any extensive household tasks.

(To Do: Stop revealing too much. They’re already scared of you!)

5. “Menu” list – A rundown of possible meal options since we’re too spontaneous for a set menu.

6. “Grocery” list – Divided into sections for the grocery store, Costco and Target.

(To Do: Remember to bring the list when going to said stores. Much easier than trying to channel your photographic list memory.)

7. “Extras” list – Things to do that aren’t urgent or require a little extra elbow grease. “Start food storage,” is one example.

(To Do: Switch food storage to a more urgent list. People will think you’re a bad person. Also, you’ll go hungry in the event of disaster or personal hardship.)

8. “To-Do” list – Yes, the final list in my book is the probably the only list you've ever penned. It’s got urgent, must-do items that need my immediate attention. It’s updated at least thrice daily. And yes, I do add items to my list just so I can cross them off. Then, I promptly tear out the list and start a new one because I don’t like a bunch of scribbles on my lists. I may be personally destroying the rainforest one list at a time, but I am meticulous.

(To Do: Save rainforest.)

So, you still think you want to be my friend?

(To Do: Hide lists.)