HTT - Beauty Edition

I was going to post a certain Hot Topic this fine Tuesday, but Mr. Dub persuaded me not to for a variety of reasons, including his personal embarrassment level. (Hint: a country in South America + what candles are made from.) My sense of propriety is seriously lacking, as you can tell.

So I'll go with a related issue - Beauty. These days there are so many beauty regimens one could prescribe to. Mani/pedis, waxing of all varieties, hair cut and color ... the list goes on and on, and then threading your eyebrows becomes trendy and your list needs a second page.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good pampering. I get my hair highlighted frequently, though less than my stylist recommends and more than Mr. Dub economically encourages. And I do enjoy a good pedicure. (Though I must give a shout-out to the Ped Egg, recommended by my mums.)

Still, I feel like beauty care is a slippery slope that leads to things like excessive plastic surgery - and vanity. Plus, it's such an unfair expectation for young people. I express thanks frequently that I went to high school and college at a time when it was still acceptable to be somewhat natural and individual. Today's teens, however, are expected to be as highlighted and teeth-whitened as possible in order to be date-worthy.

I also feel pressure to fix my various flaws. I won't name them all, but, yes, that is included. But I remind myself that I don't want to be a robot. I don't want to be perfect. And I don't want to spend all my time and money on fixing my outside, when I've got a whole lot of nurturing to do on my inside.

But what do you think?

What is your level of beauty maintenance? (I consider myself "middle" most days and "low" 1-2 times a week.)

Is it wrong to primp and pluck to your heart's content, or that just what girls do best?



** In an unrelated but equally enjoyable topic, click here for a review and GIVEAWAY of a tasty (and very personal) treat!

HTT - Plastic Edition

There are a lot of people who probably shouldn’t read today’s Hot Topic.

My father is one. My brother is another, as well as any and all ecclesiastical leaders. Same goes for the remaining three male readers, as well as any female ones who are more reserved than I am. (And let’s face it; most bread boxes have more discretion than I do.)

Oh, and anyone who hasn’t ever wanted to visualize me naked.

So I invited all of the above to link here today instead, where my sister-in-law has her own heated issue to resolve. And while it mentions pee and poop in the first paragraph, it goes on to such honorable topics as honesty, integrity and minivans.

Nowhere does it mention boobs.

This Hot Topic, however, does.

Because there is a long list of things that I never understood until I became a mother. Like how all my pregnant friends would complain about being fat when I thought they should be marveling at the miracle of their burgeoning body. Then I got pregnant and didn’t feel beautiful or natural – I felt like a tub of lard all day. (You don’t think it had anything to do with the tub of lard I was consuming daily, do you?)

So I wasn’t very sympathetic when my friends used to complain that a post-baby body is nothing like a pre-baby physique. I figured the extra rolls had more to do with busy lives filled with fast food runs and playgroups in lieu of macrobiotic diets and workouts.

Then, I had Miss Dub. And I lost all 50 pounds I gained plus 40 more. Yet, I swear my muffin top has never been so bounteous thanks to the large basketball I carried under my skin for so many months. And while I could do 689 crunches a day I keep forgetting and/or sitting on my lazy hind instead. So my saggy stretch marks just hang there.

And then there’s my chest.

I’d been warned. I’d heard my nursing friends complain that breastfeeding destroyed their cleavage, but I didn’t really listen. They’re paranoid, I reasoned; they’re just getting older. But this time they weren’t exaggerating at all. It is a true phenomenon, and it’s truly disturbing.

To maintain some decency, let me explain it to you using an agricultural equation:

Pumpkins + Nursing = Eggplants

(This is the part where you may or may not choose to visualize me naked. I encourage the latter.)

And I hear it gets worse once you wean your babies, which has me contemplating pumping well into my 60s.

The whole point of this sordid tale is that I finally understand breast augmentation. I mean, I already understood it for those rare people who are genetically given the teeniest cup size. But I didn’t get why so many nice, normal, church-going women wanted to get a little work done in that region. Were they vain? Were they depressed? Were they crazy? Had they never heard of a Wonder bra?

But now I think I might give surgery a second thought in a few years.

(Then again, I’d rather spend the money on clothes, and I’m not great with anesthesia, but I’ll certainly complain about the deterioration of my décolletage until I die. Of course, I just enjoy complaining.)

This whole issue has me rethinking plastic surgery in general. Before, I just couldn't understand it except for reconstruction purposes.

But a tummy tuck isn’t sounding half-bad these days. Same goes for whatever you call it when they snip and sew the excess skin on your legs and arms after losing a lot of weight. And after years of sun worship, I’m pretty sure Oil of Olay isn’t going to help me as much as a face lift would.

I’m still anti-Botox, which isn’t even plastic surgery so much as a syringe Tupperware party. And I do not get any plastic surgery intended to make you look better when you already look fabulous. In that case, you should really work on your self esteem before you get more work done.

As I mentioned, I’m probably too cheap and too chicken to ever go through with any of these procedures. But some of you out there may have more guts, which could equal more cleavage for you. And I’ll be jealous because I've got a problem with envy.

But what do you think?

Have you ever considered plastic surgery … or actually had it? (This is where the anonymous sign-in might come in handy.)

Is it wrong?

Is it is sooo right?

And is the boob thing true or what?