HTT - Parent Edition

I'm borrowing today's Hot Topic from a dear friend, who posted this question on her blog: Which is harder, being a stay-at-home mom or a working dad?

It's a question that I've often posed in my mind, but I've never had the eggs to ask aloud to Mr. Dub. To his credit, he often remarks on how hard it is to be a mom and how he's not genetically composed to do it as well as I do. (Aw, shucks!)

Not to be too Swedish on this issue, I can see pros and cons to both sides. Let us review:


Working Dad

Hard because he ... Has the pressure of being the sole provider, must go to work at assigned hours, has to switch brain from working issues to family matters as soon as he returns home, is under tremendous stress from work projects, must climb the career ladder to earn more, which will then go towards family expenses, etc.

Easy because he ... Doesn't have a child following him around 24/7, can generally check out mentally from work when evenings and weekends come, misses out on most diaper changes, spit-ups, huge messes and accidents, can take a day off from work when sick or on vacation, etc.


Stay-at-Home Mom

Hard because she ... Is always on call, must put her child's needs before her at all times, has to act as a chauffeur, cook and nurse despite whether or not she wants to be any of those things, can't take a day off in her own house, is constantly consumed with her child's welfare, etc.

Easy because she ... Is her own boss and makes her own schedule, gets to set the rules, can wear loungewear every day if she chooses, gets to cuddle with her child instead of writing a report, has the best job in the world, etc.


After weighing this sampling of pros and cons, I must tip my hat to the mothers because they are truly more physically and mentally engaged during the day. (And, let's be honest, do more of the waking up at night.)

But I do want to tell the dads how grateful we are for their hard work. And it is hard, just a different kind of hard.

(And then, of course, there are working mothers, who do a bit of both things and have an entirely different perspective.)

But what do you think?

Which is harder - being a stay-at-home mom or a working dad?

And what would your husband say?

HTT - SAHM Edition

I’m in the mood for some comment loOove so I’ve been mulling over some possible Hot Topics that will generate a little energy.

The first thing that came to mind was labor stories – the natural kind and the enjoyable kind - but I worried that people would consider it an unofficial announcement so I nixed that idea. Which only left the working mother debate because that’s as hot as it gets among Mormon moms, and because well I can’t think for more than six minutes consecutively without stopping for a snack. And I’m trying not to graze as much these days.

But here’s where I must preface my thoughts, and it applies to a lot of other Hot Topics, as well – I’m a gray person. Even though I belong to a church that is very black and white on most moral issues, I sympathize with the fuzz in between, especially when it applies to others.

That said, I think the LDS Church has been pretty clear about mothers working outside of the home. Basically, a mom should stay home with her kids except when it’s financially impossible and all other options have been exhausted, such as working from home or finding better employment for the father.

Working to save for luxuries is not a good reason to leave children with others, we’ve been told. Working to avoid the stress and chaos of motherhood is not a good solution. Working outside the home, in general, isn’t as healthy for children as having a mother at home, and can have harmful repercussions if childcare isn’t adequate.

BUT – and it’s almost as big as my butt – like everything in life, I think this counsel is meant for everyone but with the understanding there will be EXCEPTIONS. There are single mothers who have no choice but to work. There are families in dire financial straights that require both parents to work endless hours. There are women whose sanity is literally dependent on spending time away from their children each day. There are women who feel called to be mothers and doctors … or any number of honorable professions.

It’s all about your motives, I think. If you feel strongly like you need to work for unselfish reasons then no one can argue with your decision. And, ultimately, it’s YOUR decision to make. Passing judgment can be foolish because we rarely know all the factors and personal inspiration that led someone to work or not.

In my case, I had a mother who stayed home during our childhood and most of our formative years. Raising four kids was her full-time job. Her constant example, her open availability to talk, her overseeing eye and discipline were priceless to us. I never doubted her love, never wished for more time with her or felt free to misbehave without her finding out. (Though I sometimes tried!)

That’s why I’ve chosen to stay home with Miss Dub. Even though an extra income could help us buy a house sooner or pay for more trips, we never even discussed the possibility. Our decision was made when we got married because we both understood the value of having a mother in the home. And I’m so glad because I can’t imagine missing a moment of Miss Dub’s infancy.

That doesn’t mean, however, that raising my children will be my sole pursuit. I am still a writer and do freelance work during nap time. I am still a friend and make time to get out by myself with others. I am still a wife and need an occasional date with my Mr. And I’m busy with other church, family and home obligations.

Most importantly, I am fulfilled. Even though it can be tiring, tedious and monotonous, I LoOoVe my job.

But I’m ME. YOU my have entirely different opinion or situation that has led you down another path. But we can both be good moms.

(Unless, of course, you have multiple live-in nannies. I take issue with that. Also, I was wondering if you would lend me $1 million dollars?)

But what do you think?

Are you a stay at home mom or a proud working mama? How did you make your decision?

Do you see this as a black and white issue, or is it a little bit gray?

Be nice.