When my SIL, Emily, offered to take over Hot Topic Tuesday for me, I couldn't refuse. First, we're not sleeping much at our house these days because apparently you can get roseola twice. Second, Emily is selling her house and whether or not you live in Rhode Island, you MUST BUY IT! Third, she is the witty author of Acte Gratuit, which is a French phrase that no one can pronounce. No one. So without further ado, let's turn up the heat:
Mrs. Dub was generous enough to let me borrow her blog today so I could do a little venting and maybe get some helpful advice. Two weeks ago, her hot topic dealt with “Mom mistakes” and it got me thinking about the problem in a different way. What if you are a witness of “Bad Mom behavior” or just any bad behavior in general. When do you intervene?
There are times when I see a mom yelling at her kid in the grocery store that I want to walk up, make a citizens arrest and take immediate custody of her child. (If you ever see me at the store and I’m the mom yelling, please take custody of my children! I could use the break!)
But for the most part I walk the other way and do nothing.
So I’m going to share three stories with you and then I want you to tell me what you would have done. Here goes:
#1 A mom is sitting in her car, in a parking lot, waiting for her baby to wake up so they can join the rest of the family at the beach. She has her windows down and watches and listens as a man and little girl start loading up in a nearby car. The little girl is probably 5 and has done something to seriously upset the man. He is yelling at her, berating her, threatening her, telling her that her mom isn’t worth “this aggravation” and he’s ready to “get the ____ out”. His verbal abuse is so bad, it leaves the eavesdropping mom to suspect much more serious abuse at home. The little girl's Mom makes it back to the car, listens to the mans vitriol, and sheepishly gets in the car with out a word in her daughter's or her own defense.
#2 Three days a week, a woman drives up to the local preschool to drop-off and pick-up her three-year-old. She leaves her other two children, a sleeping baby and a six-year-old, in the running car. The walk up to the school is a little long, and she cannot see the car once she’s inside the preschool.
#3 A neighbor notices something amiss with one of the families in the neighborhood. The four kids never seem to be in school and are always running around with bare feet. Not only that, the mom is pregnant again with number five!!!
Here’s what happened next:
#1. I was the mom in the car. I sat there listening to this big jerk feeling totally helpless. I wanted to get out and yell at him, but since I’m a total weakling, I had to consider my safety and the safety of my baby. I thought about calling the cops, but figured they wouldn’t be able to do anything. “Officer, that man was YELLING! Take him away!!!” I even thought about writing down his license plate so I could track him down and figure out a way to report him to CPS. But ultimately I did nothing and still feel horrible that I didn’t find a way to help that innocent little girl.
#2. Once again, I’m the mom in the car. Or at least, the mom that left her kids in the car. Here was my thinking: “Six is pretty old! Surely Max can keep an eye on Gabe who is safely buckled into his car seat and isn’t going anywhere. I’ll leave the car on so they don’t get too hot (or cold). There are so many moms around, nothing is going to happen to them! My mom used to leave me in the car to run into the store all the time. Max is old enough that if someone tried to get in, he could lay on the horn.”
Yes, that was almost a whole paragraph of self-justification and yes, when I type it out, it does sound lame even to me. Which is why I totally deserved what happened next.
A few weeks into the school year, I got an e-mail from a good friend who took her daughter to the same school. She said she’d been really upset by seeing me leave the kids in the car, that it was dangerous and illegal in some states. She gave me some examples of the horrible things that could happen, offered to sit with my kids if I really couldn’t manage by myself and begged me to forgive her for saying all this in e-mail form. Basically, she told me I was an idiot and needed to get a clue, just in much nicer terms. I immediately wrote her back thanking her for her concern and promised not to do it again. For all I know, she saved me from a very unfortunate encounter with the cops, or worse, a situation that would have put my boys in serious danger.
#3 The family with the 4 (now 5) kids are friends of mine. A neighbor reported them to Child Protective Services, who opened a file on them and came by for a surprise visit. When CPS showed up, they talked to my friend who home-schools her (very bright) children and thinks (like me) that it’s okay for little kids to run around barefoot. She mentioned that her husband is a Neuro-Psychologist who works for Harvard and that her kids are well-taken care of and well-loved. The case was closed.
So, now that you know the kind of hypocritical pansy I am, I want to know what you would have done.
What do you do when you see something happening to a child that worries you?
Do you jump right in and try to help, or hang back and mind your own business? (Or are you the snarky neighbor type who likes to stay anonymous?)
I’d love to hear what you all think! Just don’t tell me I’m an idiot, because I already know that!
Thanks for the soap-box Mrs. Dub!
