Attention: Arizona is a desert!

As you know, I fled Chicago for Arizona for a fortnight. But there's no way to fully recount my journey, both because it would bore you and because I already can't remember what I did. So let me summarize it with this statement: Cancer sucks. Sunshine rules.

No, I do not have cancer. I also do not have sunshine - at least not the kind of sunshine that embraces 85-degree winds, allowing me to prance outside with nary a hat or jacket. I'm talking flip-flops, baby! Instead, I have the kind of sunshine that is generally coated with clouds and frigid winds. In other words, it's highly likely that Arizona and Illinois are actually on different planets. I would encourage further study on this topic, but who wants higher taxes?

So it's kind of a bummer to be back to regular life. I miss my parents. I miss my "Fabulous" friends. I miss flip-flops.

And I really have to give Arizona credit. Growing up I liked to bag on it, mostly because it didn't have an ocean, which is still true . However, the weather (8 months out of the year), the infrastructure and the shopping/eating are divine. Granted, it is a desert, something I didn't believe as a kid. I'd think, "Sure, it was once a desert, but now it looks like anywhere else." Um, no. It's very brown and very cactus-dense. Most front lawns have rocks instead of grass. And while there are definitely less scarve-wearing wooden coyotes now than a few years back, there's still an epidemic of bolo ties, typically worn by Midwestern transplants. But overall, it's a nice place.

That's about it.

Any questions?

Hot, Cold, Cancer

Up until recently, like yesterday, I couldn't figure out which direction to turn the faucet to get hot or cold water.

I mean, I could read the little instruction on the base that pointed left for red/hot and right for blue/cold. But did that mean to turn the base so it pointed in that direction, or to turn the handle to point in that direction?

Now that I've figured it out (the handle, people!), I feel like a complete idiot, whereas I formerly just felt like a semi-idiot.

The whole thing has reminded me of some of my most idiotic moments. Like, when Mrs. Jay told me yesterday that her recently removed mole is malignant melonoma. But due to her chipper vocal delivery, I temporarily confused benign and malignant and congratulated her on the great news.

But it's not good news. Malignant is bad. Melonoma is worse, although the docs think they removed all the cancerous cells before it spread. Still, she has to see several doctors to make sure she's in the clear.

We're in hot water, here, people.



... But to lighten the mood - and heaven knows Mrs. Jay is good at that - what are some of your most idiotic moments? (Benign stories, please!)