Freaking out Friday

Well, my great plans to be Mrs. Perfect on Friday fell to the wayside as another medical crisis hit our family. I won't go into details, but please pray for PDaddy! He's not only a charismatic commenter, he's also the world's best dad. (No, this is not open for debate.)

So instead of baking complicated cookies and shopping for rare art, I spent most of Friday crying. Our recent experience with Baby Zee has made me very aware of the fragility of life. As a result, I have nightmares most nights that some member of my family has been kidnapped, killed or just plain disappeared. So it really freaks me out to have my dad face one of those possibilities. And while I'd like to say I was the positive one, I was totally leaning on others for support that day.

The good news is that the outlook for Mr. Ess is better than it could be. Also, confronting his mortality put Baby Zee's death in perspective. It sort of helped me sew the final stitches in that wound because I realized that life is going on around me, and I need to be fully engaged in it to avoid regrets. Of course, there will always be a scar - a constant reminder of Baby Zee and our love for her - but the wound isn't gaping open any more.

With both of these hard experiences, I've been sort of shocked to realize that the world is still going on despite our sadness. I kind of expected E! to stop stalking Britney for a day in honor of our hardships - but there she was in all her "is-it-a-bump?" glory.

But the positive side to that is that the world is still beautiful despite our sufferings. Having a baby die doesn't mean a blue sky stops being breathtaking, or that flowers stop growing. Even amidst all the horrible things in this world, like the recent glut of mass shootings and global strife, there are glorious things to be found.

So even though I'm still consumed with worry for my dad, I'm also optimistic. But I recognize that one day - a really, really distant day, I hope - I will have to say goodbye to him, just like I will to everyone I love. But I also know without a doubt that I'll say hello them again when it's my turn to bid this life adieu.

That brings me peace. And at a time like this, I need it.