Free-dom Fries

If you haven't caught on yet, Mrs. Jay and I had an unconventional youth, which may or may not have something to do with the fact that we are just unconventional people. (Though her family really takes the cake - let's just say dressing in costume is commonplace at Glamma Fabulous' house.)

One of our favorite things to do in our youth was get things for free. And I don't mean calling into radio stations in hopes of winning concert tickets. I mean, conning people into giving us things for free that typically cost some coin.

For example, we would often go to the McDonald's drive-thru late at night - as employee fatigue is helpful in these situations - and ask for "The free quarter-pounder meal deal." Usually the employee would say, "What free quarter-pounder meal deal?" We would respond, "The free one. The one that doesn't cost anything."

On and on the back-and-forth banter would go, usually because the employee thought there must be some promotional offer we were confusing our "free meal deal" with. Most of the time, they would eventually give us the food for free, probably to shut us up.

Looking back I suppose this was dishonest, but at the time it seemed resourceful. I mean, we were practically Eagle Scouts with those skills.

If we happened to be hungry during daylight hours, we would just go up to the McDonald's cashier and ask, "What's a French fry?" The cashier would be incredulous, possibly debating whether to call CPS as I was clearly a neglected child, and say, "You've never had a French fry?" I'd say, "No, but they sound good. Can I try one to see if I like it?" Inevitably, the staff would pour a heaping helping of fries onto a tray for me to sample. They'd gather around curious as I shouted, "By golly, these are good!"

All for free.

Granted, I'm pretty much going to hell for this, but I like my fries crispy anyway. And, to be honest, I don't really like McDonald's fries (or anything on their menu for that matter). My favorite fries are In-N-Out fries, animal style. And if you ever come across a sweet potato fry, hook a sister up! I love me some sweet potaters.

What's your favorite fry?

Showtime, Synergy!

Drunk people are some of my very favorite people.

Not angry drunks.

Not moody drunks.

Really, ridiculously, talking a little too loud, invading your personal space drunks.

And when Mrs. Jay and I were young, we seemed to encounter these type of drunks on a frequent basis. (Don't ask why - we typically avoided high school keggers.) And some of our best drunk encounters happened when we were camping at the beach.

There was a time that a drunk guy came up to my face, and thisclose said to me, "Do you know what ocean that is?"

I said, "Um, the Pacific Ocean."

"But how can you really know it's the Pacific," he said. "Until you strip naked and swim it at night?"

Before I could answer and/or strip naked, he hopped over the fence and jumped off the cliff above the beach.

Wait, that's story isn't so funny now that I think about it, though he did survive as I remember it.

Mostly we just used drunk people as a test audience for our most outrageous lies. Our standard one went something like this:

Us: "Hey, want to see our dance routine?"
Drunk people: (Too loudly) Yes!

(We perform a dance routine with lots of jazz hands and some freestyle tap dancing.)

Drunk people: (Practically screaming) You are sooo good!

Us: Yeah, well we were on Star Search once. Our group was called Synergy. We got 3 and a quarter stars for that routine, but the other group, Dancetastic got 3 and THREE quarter stars. So we went home empty-handed."

Drunk people: (Thinking they're whispering, but they're still shouting). "You were robbed!"

Us: "Yeah, it was painful. We're getting therapy."

What's your best drunk encounter?

And, yes, Synergy is a tribute to Jem. (Coincidentally, we used to dress up like Jem and the Holograms in high school, but that's another story.)