A is for awkward

I wish someone would do a study to determine just what portion of the male mustache-wearing population is pedophiles. Because we have a foreign neighbor who sports a 'stache who has taken a liking to Miss Dub. It's nothing too strange; he comments on how cute she is, and waves "bye-bye." He doesn't seem overtly creepy, but we're not setting an extra plate out our table, ifyaknowwhatimsayin.

He does like to call Miss Dub "baby girl," which is more embarassing (for him) than alarming (for us). So we may have rushed into the house a few times to avoid the 'stacher, as well as the enormous suckers he likes to give Miss Dub. (So far, none have tested positive for razors or Roofies.)

Things got a little weirder the other day, however, when he ran up to apartment and brought back a - wait for it - Hannah Montana doll for Miss Dub. I didn't even know what to say. "Why are you buying gifts for my child?" seemed too cold. And, "My child is more fond of Elmo than wig-wearing tweeners," seemed too rude.

So now we have a really obnoxious Hannah Montana doll lost somewhere in our toy stash. And we have me wondering if I should change the locks or pen a thank-you note:

Dear 'Stacher,

Thanks for buying a doll that's not age-appropriate for my daughter. If you were really creepy, you would probably know to buy something else, so that's a good thing, I guess.

In the future, however, if you wish to make sweet comments and/or distribute gifts, you will have to have to shave your mustache.

Thanks again!
The Dubs