HTT - HTT Edition

A lot of you have told me you love Hot Topic Tuesday. My stat-meter indicates that more people check out M&M on Tuesdays than any other day of the week combined, so it must be readable. Good thing because it gives me an ulcer. It's not that I don't enjoy discussing controversial issues; they are things I'm already discussing with friends and family, so I'm happy to get them out of my mind to analyze what I believe. Sometimes I'm adamant and hope to persuade you. Other times, I'm looking for more insight. But every single time, I feel like I have to write and rewrite and soften everything one more time so I don't offend someone - even though it's my blog.

Why, you ask? First, I don't like to offend people, even though I wish they wouldn't take it personally. Second, because when someone goes off on me in the comments or criticizes my parenting, it affects me. I'm open to dispute, just not disparagement. And it's even worse when readers attack each other. Sometimes my whole Tuesday goes from great to gloomy just because no one is playing nice and usually they are named Anonymous. (Who knew it was such a popular name?)

Which brings me - yes, three paragraphs later - to today's Hot Topic: blogger etiquette. On one hand, I'm a huge blogging fan. I feel like I know more about my friends and family now than I used to. It goes beyond chit-chat - I get to see pictures and hear details about day-to-day activities, which is a better glimpse into their lives than a short phone call.

On the other hand, blogging brings out the worst in some people. It makes them mini-experts on every topic, and gives them permission to pass judgment on people they don't even know - who are not public figures. I feel like some people are just waiting to jump all over someone if they make the slightest mistake, as if bloggers should be held to journalistic standards.

Even our so-called friends are abusing the blog medium. I've had friends receive rude and critical remarks from friends, both openly and anonymously. I've also heard of people posting anonymously to others' blogs, or their own (I plead the Fifth!) to say something in their defense.

So where should the line be drawn?

Is it OK to treat someone differently online than you would face-to-face?

What are your rights as a blogger and as a commenter?

And has HTT ever gotten too heated for you?



p.s. Wish I'd had this article when we talked about guns.

But I've been busy!

The other day I was leaving a comment on Leslie's blog when I thought to myself, "Wow, it's been a while since I've commented on her blog, even though I read it faithfully. I'm a bad friend."

Just then some confirmation letters popped up on the screen. I clicked before I could save the image, but this is what I had to type in:

UHRMOM

Yeah, apparently her blog noticed.

From the department of "Whaaat?"

Did you know that Dooce makes an estimated $40,000 a month by blogging?

If your jaw just dropped and accidentally swallowed a moth, you are not alone, my friend. I knew that Dooce was popular and advertiser-pursued, but I did not know that she made more a month than I did in an entire year as a reporter.

And while I don't want to knock the ridiculousness of such a salary - mostly in the event I ever have one - it does seems crazy that she writes a few snippets every day and gets paid oodles more than someone who is required to attend a 5-hour long city council meeting and then write 15 column inches about a P-overlay zone.

But the more I think about it, the more I can understand why professional blogging is harder. I mean, writing about yourself is precarious - not too snobby, not too meek, not too much detail about that family member that everyone doesn't like, but she doesn't know it. Also, you have to get creative. I mean, the diaper explosion at Target story was funny the first time, but now I have to make it wittier - "the pooh was like spackle." And don't even get me started about the constant pressure to post, even when on vacation.

Since I'm not as funny as Dooce, and I religiously refrain from F-bombers, I probably will never garner the readership necessary to net $40,000 a month. But I'd be happy to settle for $10,000. Shoot, $1,000 would be close to $1,000 more than I'm currently making as a freelance writer, hand model and amateur mechanic.

So tell your friends. I promise things are going to get hotter, funnier and possibly chewier around here.

Now, where's my check?

Less is More?

I've entered a new phase in life. Granted, I don't know what that phase is, but somehow my calendar is a little fuller these days ... and my motivation to blog is a little less. Maybe I'm not doing as many embarrassing things worth chronicling - though I doubt that since I'm generally the dumbest person I know. Or maybe I'm just out of stuff to share.

When I started my blog almost two years ago, it was mostly for family and friends. My posts were random and sporadic at best. A year ago, I decided to use it as a writing exercise. I wanted to hone my columnist skills by write FIVE posts a week. So now my blog is still random, but consistent. And my writing has improved, along with my readership.

But now that I know I can do it, I don't really feel such a need to write as often. In fact, I sometimes feel like my posts are really stretching for material, and personally I always prefer quality over quantity. Except when it comes to clothes, I would seriously prefer a lot of cheap, trendy clothes to a small wardrobe of high-quality clothes. Actually, I'd really like a closet full of lots of high-quality clothes. Can anyone make that happen for me?

Most of you don't write every day. Some of you write a few times a week, some of you write a few times a month (if even). I know this because, YES, I do read all of your blogs faithfully even if I don't always comment. And, YES, that does take a lot of time that should be spent scrubbing my toilet. And, NO, I won't be stopping any time soon.

So here are my questions for you because I like to ask questions. I mean, I used to be a reporter, folks.

1. What system do you have for blogging? Or is there no method to your madness?

2. How do you decide something is post-worthy?

3. How would it make you feel if I only blogged 2-3 times a week? (Because, let's face it, many of you are probably sick of me at this point.)

4. What kind of posts do you like best?

5. Would you like to see Hot Topic Tuesday stay or go?

6. Crap! This would have made a great HTT. (Not so much a question.)

You make it sound like it's a bad thing

It seems like a lot of people have been bagging on blogging lately.

You know what I'm talking about. There are some people - and I plead the fifth here - who think blogging is a waste of time and/or a tool of the devil. And while there is some truth to the former, I think blogging gets a bad rap as the latter.

I do think that we're all trying to reconcile this new medium. We want to make sure that it's not an addiction like gambling or an inappropriate hobby like square dancing. Also, because I think we feel a certain shame in reading (and relating) to the words of complete strangers.

But I don't think we should feel bad for blogging or reading blogs. Personally, I think blogging is great, mostly because I think it's helped me become a better person.

(I'll pause while you all gasp.)

(Wow! Still gasping?)

So how has blogging made me a better person? Well, I find that blogging has made me more consciously live my life.

For example, I used to buy a lot of plain-colored clothes, but I don't any more. I've realized by looking at pics of other people online that I'm more intrigued by outfits adorned in eclectic patterns. I also like bold jewelry and big bags and colorful flats ... but I didn't know that for sure until I saw those fashions on real people in the comfort of my own home, where I could look twice without feeling embarrassed. Call me a voyeur if you will, but it's really improved my wardrobe. (And upped my daily compliment quota.)

Same goes for my house. Even though I'd really, really like to do so much more with my space - like convert it into a large home - I am trying harder to wait for the perfect pieces rather than settling for generic decor. After all, I read a few different design blogs that have really inspired me to decorate my home with accents of my personality. Of course, this is also the reason we've been without an ottoman for more than a year. I just can't find the right one!

But most importantly, I find myself savoring more moments in life. When I do something fun with my family, I stop and take in the experience even more than usual so that I can capture it
in print. I notice the little things that are touching or funny or even embarrassing. I relive the moment even as I'm in it because I see it through all of your eyes, too.

In the end, blogs are like a personalized magazine. We all have our favorite columnist, our interior design section, our personal improvement writer and our favorite fashion spreads. But we don't have to pay to subscribe, and we get a new edition every day.

It's great.

Of course the downsides are having nothing to write, feeling pressure to write and feeling overwhelmed by all the good blogs out there.

But no one is perfect. Not even Design Mom ... though she is eerily close.

So in honor of this new hobby, which is no different (or better or worse) than any other pastime, like scrapbooking or skiing, share with me your personal blog-zine.

What would be the name of your personalized publication? And what blogs would we find in your table of contents?

Everything I need to know I learned from blogging

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In my 19 months as a blogger, I’ve learned a few things. Like, don’t get caught up in a world of proper pseudonyms because you most likely have more than one friend whose name would become Mrs. Pea. (Leaving you no choice but to refer to the other one as Mrs. Pee, a much more unfortunate moniker.)

Other things I’ve learned:

* Sometimes, like yesterday, it’s really, really nice to have a network of well-wishing and advice-doling friends and almost strangers on your side. It’s nice to know that someone who doesn’t have to be nice to you or who isn’t related to you thinks you’re normal - and sometimes funny. It’s often the motivation to finally let Miss Dub cry it out a bit without worrying about her physical and emotional safety. (For the record, I’m doing it as I type. Thank goodness for this distraction because I’m on the verge of crying it out myself.)

* Other times, it’s really, really scary to put your thoughts, emotions and opinions online for public perusal. Debate is fun, but being berated, mocked or belittled by some anonymous commentor can be deflating. Even worse if it’s between readers because it makes me look complicit. It’s a slippery slope to start deleting comments, though I’ve done it for sure. And don’t get me started about comment spam. Is that really your best marketing plan?

* Watch what you say. Sometimes what sounds innocent to you can totally offend someone you love. Then again, it can be constraining to try and please everyone you vaguely know. (And there’s just something weird about having to censor yourself on your own blog.) The best approach is a little balance – a little restraint here or a little clarification there. And when you still draw ire, apologize. Blogs are not worth burning bridges.

* You never know what will strike a chord. Often my most random musings get the most comments, while what I consider to be really hot topics draw a lukewarm response. People like me when I’m funny, people like me when I’m being a mom, but mostly you like it when I’m being honest. And that’s when my blog serves as therapy so we all win.

* Bloggers aren’t as magical as they appear online. It’s the ol’ online dating scheme – you can self-edit to the point of perfection. Granted, there is a disproportionate amount of creative bloggers than people since it serves as a free artistic outlet. So you’ll find more painters, sewers, writers and crafters per capita. However, that painter only showcases his best works. That sewer failed to show you her last project that turned out terrible. Et cetera. But everyone is human. Everyone leaves the dishes dirty sometimes. Everyone doesn’t look that good in every photo. And if someone seems too good to be true, they’re probably not sharing their whole self … and that’s OK. Blogs can make us feel good because we share the person we want to be, not necessarily who we really are. And if we inspire someone else in the process, even better.

* HTML is confusing, but you can figure it out. Sort of. And sort of is usually good enough for us small-time bloggers.

* Two great sources for royalty-free images are Getty Images and Rubberball. And not just because the latter features BYU’s own Asian Eddie in every other pic. Also, a good way to give credit is to link the actual photo to the site. Doesn't detract from the blog content, but gives credit where credit is due.

* Blogger will shut down on you when you most need it. Count on it.

* It’s much easier to write in a blog than in your journal because someone actually reads it. Plus, it’s a much better balanced view of yourself because it's not just a travelogue or personal history – it has little snippets of your current personality, activites and photos; something posterity can read and say, “So that was my Great Grammie Dub.” Instead of, “Wow, her life sucked.”

Wait, what’s that sound? Is Miss Dub all cried out? Have we made it through the first magical crying it out session? Is there hope? Did it only take 25 minutes? And while it felt like an hour, blogging through her tears kept it from seeming like an eternity.

Because while blogging can be a love/hate relationship – pressure to post, nothing to say, spending way too much time on the computer – it can also be an amazing outlet, a great way to meet other people in your same shoes (preferably cute flats) and something to do when your baby is clinging to her crib for dear life.

What have you learned from blogging?

New Wave

Me: "Morning, blog!"

Blog: "Mornin'! Rough night?"

Me: "Yeah. How 'bout you?"

Blog: "Same. Stupid antivirus kept me running all night."

Me: "Sucks."

Me: "Hey - what did you do to the template?"

Blog: "I got bored so I went for a change. Besides, technically we haven't been using new Blogger to its full potential."

Me: "It looks like a 14-year-old girl designed it."

Blog: "Whatever. It's a tribute to 80s New Wave."

Me: "You were born in 2005."

Blog: "It's supposed to be retro."

Me: "You blogs watch a little 'Marie Antoinette' and think you're so punk rock."

Blog: "Back off! This new template has a lot of cool new features - more legible blogroll, label access, a new Glamour Shout pic of you."

Me: "Stop it!"

Blog: "You were channeling your inner Jessica Simpson on that one, weren't you?"

Me: "It was for an article I'm writing. I didn't take it for you."

Blog: "Well, it's mine now."

Me: "You're a jerk sometimes, you know?"

Blog: "You know you can't live without me."

Blog: "Have you decided what your post is going to be about today?"

Me: "You're relentless. Can you just let me finish my cereal?"

Blog: "I see. Food is more important than me."

Me: "You drive me crazy."

Blog: "You love me."

Me: (Close screen.)

Blog to Blog

Another friend has joined our ranks and you can find her here.

Although, you’re probably thinking what I sometimes think, “Another blog to read?”

(In this case, yes! You must!)

It’s not that I’m not grateful for the bounty of brilliant blogs out there. It’s downright amazing that there are so many talented writers out there, bringing us a daily dose of diatribe. (Or humorous takes on doing the laundry as the case may be.)

I mean, where were these writers before the blogosphere? Did they all keep copious journals or freelance for their local Pennysaver? Because I find it hard to believe that all these bloggers were writers by profession. And even harder to believe that they weren’t. (What? It makes sense to me.)

Thanks to random links, blog rolls and sheer serendity, I’ve stumbled upon some fabulous blogs, which I read daily. And by some, I mean, like, a lot. So many that sometimes I feel a little obsessed. Sometimes I feel a little guilty. I mean, it’s one thing to read a newspaper filled with current events and drizzle of editorials. But what if that newspaper was filled with witty columns, all totally biased and hilarious and engaging? And what if that newspaper was a thick Sunday edition every day of the week?

Is that wrong? Is that a waste of time? Is it even healthy to know that Pioneer Woman spent a day at the farm, or that Cjane ate tofu, or that Jordan woke up a little late?

Did I mention I don’t know these people? Because I’ve never met one of them. But through their writings, I feel like we’re friends. Just like some of you feel like we’z tight, even though you don’t know whether I have all my digits in tact. (FYE: I don’t, but we can still be friends.)

But my quandary doesn’t stop there. Every day it seems I stumble across a new link to a new blog. Some are stellar, some are scary; many are, frankly, quite boring. But the fact that they exist unnerves me a little. I hate thinking that the perfect blog is out there, waiting to be discovered. I hate knowing that every day someone new is composing a dazzling post that I may never read. I want to find them. I want to read them.

But I also want to do my laundry. And I don’t want to find myself mentally dictating a post about it while I do. (“What is it with socks? Is there some sort of alternate universe that is funding an intergalactic war through solar sock power?”)

Sometimes I want to rename the word blog because I get sick of using it. (And Mr. Dub likely gets sick of hearing it.) Sometimes I just want them to all go away. Sometimes I want them to all suck.

But they don’t, so I keep reading.

What about you?

(And on that topic, do you think blogs are a mere trend or here to stay?)

The little post that couldn't

So I wrote this great post.

This isn’t it.

The great post I wrote was after a Friday filled with blog linking, which led me to more and more blogs penned by cute, young mothers with Anthropologie-esque wardrobes and mad sewing skills complete with fantastic photography and unique blog design.

My self esteem, already teetering somewhere between “I’m OK” and “I’m in need of a makeover,” plummeted down to “At least I’m alive.”

So I sat down and passionately whipped up a fabulous post about these women and their refurbished antiques and razor cuts.

I questioned the validity of their posts. I mean, are their lives really that cool or do they just Photoshop them up for blogging purposes? I questioned their ability to juggle motherhood with 1,023 craft projects. (All so cute and made with retro fabrics and papers, of course.) I questioned why it is I’m not one of these women, even when I so badly want to be one. (Do I not have enough money? Am I too fat? Is it because my apricots aren’t organic? Did my invite get lost in the mail?)

But when I went to post it, my diatribe had magically vanished: “Document cannot be located,” to be exact.

Maybe it was a sign. Maybe my musing was too harsh, even though I didn’t mean for it to be rude. Maybe my envy was such a grievous sin that it was a blessing in disguise. Or maybe I accidentally trashed it when cleaning up my desktop.

Whatever the case, you’ll never read it. You’ll never understand my innermost turmoil.

But if you could, you would know this: Blogs are a blessing and a curse.

They are great places for families and friends to stay in touch. They are a great outlet for frustrated and somewhat untalented writers such as me who can only hope to be published by Blogger. And they’re a great spot for meeting new friends. (Hi Jessi! Hi Abbie! Hi Natalie! Hi Christen! Hi Robin! Hi Leisha! Hi CJane! Hi Kristen! Hi Wendysue!)

But they’re also a great place to waste time. They’re a great way to add pressure to our already busy lives. (“What? Design Mom is making hip President Day’s pins? I must head straight to the craft store!”)

And they’re great at lowering our self esteem.

But, then again, it is fun to live vicariously through other people’s posts.

Now, if only I was cool enough to be their real friends. (Mental note: Buy some organic apricots.)

What do you think?

New Year, New Me

Public resolutions are all the rage these days and we all know I'm more of a trend-follower than setter, with the exception of my fashion forward ways from 1993-1996.

(I so knew that plastic baby barrettes would be haute couture for tweeners before Sassy did.)

But I digress.

(Mental note: Make a resolution to stop digressing.)

(Mental note: Make a resolution to stop using so many parentheses when blogging.)

(Mental note: Make a resolution to stop making mental notes.)

So I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon and post some of my resolutions on this here blog.

Resolution #1:

Lose weight.

Lots of it. Like, I've lost almost all my pregnancy weight and I still have about that much to go. I credit my enormous appetite, lack of self control and radiated thyroid for such a phenomenal accomplishment. And I am hoping to credit Weight Watchers for my unbelievable body come this summer. Wish me luck and lots of bran!

Resolution #2:

Be a better woman.

Seriously, I'm so over being a whiny woman. When did that become cool? There's no need to gossip (unless it's about celebrities, which is totally acceptable and legal). There's no need to complain. There's no need to hold a grudge. There's no need to belittle myself for the sake of others. There's no need to do or be things just because others want me to. There's no need to compare myself to anyone, much less someone with unattainable attributes. There's no need to expect recognition for everything I do. There's no need to waste time on things I cannot change. And there's no reason not to be more, see more and do more, all while inspiring my daughter to take more pride in herself and her womanhood.

Resolution #3:

Be more spiritual.

I won't go into deets here because it's a private, personal and sacred matter. But I sometimes wonder what non-religious folk put on their resolution lists since about 25 of mine are typically spiritually-related. Some acronym hints: VT, FHE, SS, HFPE.

Resolution #4:

Stop feeling guilty.

I come from a family with a sorry complex. Like, we feel a need to apologize for anything and everything, as if it's our fault. (Example: "I'm sorry there was a avalanche in Colorado." Or "I'm sorry you had to turn on the dishwasher.") It drives outsiders, including our spouses, crazy. And it's pretty pointless. So I'm not going to do it anymore ... I hope.

Sorry for that long explanation.

Resolution #5:

Be a better blogger.

Like many of bloggers out there, I've had a love/hate relationship with my blog. I've been tempted to stop. I've been tempted to start over. But instead I'm just going to be better. Less ranting, more raving. Less pictorials, more editorials. Less sap, more satire. Less breaks, more blogging.

So there you have it. It's a short list. It doesn't include some other goals like saving more, reading more, loving more, running more ... and buying a house.

(Oh, and Miss Dub wants you to know that modesty is her number one goal this new year.)