HTT - $$ Edition

This Hot Topic is an extension of yesterday’s discussion about my overspending tendencies. A few of you mentioned how your husbands can temper your buying binges, which sometimes is a good thing and sometimes means you have to go back by yourself and buy that cute shirt that looks a little bit like one you already own. (But not even close to “identical,” as he so curtly put it.)

And husbands should have a say. Sharing finances, after all, is part of marriage, just like sharing a bed and sharing shampoo. In fact, it’s a huge part of marriage and often requires a huge adjustment if your personal spending styles are different. It’s not easy to compromise, for sure, but if you don’t your marriage could be in big trouble.

Mr. Dub, for example, is an interesting combination of money attitudes. On one hand, he likes money to be safe and cozy in a bank account, accruing interest for a really rainy day. On the other hand, he wants nice things. So pretty much he’s waiting around to strike it rich before he buys anything. (This is a huge generalization, dear, but I haven’t all day to examine your financial psyche.)

Mrs. Dub, as you know, likes a bargain. I don’t buy clothes that cost more than $20, although most of what I buy is less than $10. However, I buy stuff all the time. And it adds up – to a cute wardrobe and stellar collection of costume jewelry, I might add.

Before we met, I would buy whatever I wanted and could afford. If I had something to save for, I restrained myself. If I had excess, I spent away. I didn’t go into debt, but I wasn’t exactly saving.

But Mr. Dub has helped me see the light. I don’t consult him on most purchases, but knowing he’ll eventually see them helps me control myself. The longer we’re married the more I find myself putting things back or analyzing needs versus wants. On occasion he’ll chide me for being a clotheshorse, but ultimately he recognizes that I could be much worse.

Likewise, he has learned to bargain hunt and buy something without breaking into a sweat. (Or returning to the store 5-10 times before making the purchase.)

So we’re making progress, and that’s all that matters in a marriage. You don’t have to succeed; you just have to keep trying.

But every couple is different.

I’ve heard rumors of husbands who keep all family financial information to themselves, including bank account numbers, and only dole out an allowance to their wives as they see fit. So pretty much I hate these guys if they really do exist, because not only are they domineering jerks, but they totally don’t understand the concept of unity.

On the other hand, I know couples who maintain individual bank accounts and keep their personal finances to themselves, which I don’t agree with once you’re married. Or wives who take out separate credit cards to hide their shopping sprees, which is just naughty-naughty.

I don’t think either spouse should have total control of the finances or the family’s financial philosophy … even if the wife doesn’t work. (After all, who buys the groceries, my friend?)

I don’t think anyone should live in fear of the other when buying something, just like I don’t think anyone should live in fear of the other one squandering their savings.

But what about you?

How do finances work in your relationship?

Who calls the shots?

And who spends the most cash?

Please share.