Tales from the Crib

I firmly believe that every baby comes with one big challenge, at the least. Some don’t like to eat, some love to cry. And some, like my dear Miss Dub, don’t like to sleep.

(Though thankfully that seems to be her only hurdle thus far, though I’m pretty sure being sassy and talking during class are inevitable.)

It’s not that surprising – I’d heard talk of sleep-deprived new mothers. I mean, the mere thought you’d wake up and do something in the middle of the night made me tired so I expected some initial fatigue. And I read all the books on how to turn a confused newborn into a sleeping genius so I felt forewarned. (And by all the books, I mean ALL the books.)

Babywise had me convinced that my child would be sleeping through the night by 12 weeks, if not sooner. Since 12 weeks sounded unreasonably long, I really focused on the sooner part. When I mentioned it to friends, some happily reported that their babies had starting sleeping through the night at 7 weeks. They were my heroes. Others told me theirs didn’t sleep for months; some still weren’t at one or two. Being the judgmental person I am, I instantly assumed the latter group was full of softy moms who jumped at the slightest cry. I didn’t think they were bad moms, just unwilling to make their own nocturnal destiny for the sake of some extra cuddles.

(Now, this isn’t an argument about Babywise and its respective virtues and vices. Save it for another Tuesday! Because I think that book has saved many a mom and offers some great nursing advice, though it is odd that Mr. Ezzo is not a doctor and never graduated from college. But if it helps one mom, that’s good enough for me!)

Well, all books aside – and I really did find “The Baby Whisperer” to be the best for me and the Miss – books are worthless. Good advice, good intentions, but a ton of pressure, work and promises that can’t always be fulfilled. (And I will kick Dr. Sears, Dr. Ferber and any other Dr. Sleepyhead in the crotch if they tell me I failed somehow.)

When I feel best as a mother, I’m just being me. I’m not obsessed with the clock. I’m not obsessed with Miss Dub. I’m just living my life and caring for Miss Dub while I do. Even if that means forsaking an occasional nap. Even if that means I let her stay up late when she’s clearly not ready to sleep, no matter what time it is. Even if that means I’m winging it, not scheduling it.

And even though I still don’t get any sleep, at least I’m not obsessed with sleep. Every night waking doesn’t signal failure. Every nap isn’t a test.

But, boy would I like to buy some Zzzz’s. (Illegal drugs and questionable Nigerian money-wiring included.)

Miss Dub is going on eight months and has slept through the night for one miraculous month only, several months ago. Naps are mostly dreamy – she goes down awake and wakes up giggly an hour or two later. Bedtime is mostly painless – she goes down awake BUT this is where it gets gnarly. (Pronounced ga-narly, according to Webster’s.)

Usually she wakes up once or twice for a nibble. Now, this is a girl who has been eating three hearty meals of baby food since five months. Who nurses quite frequently though her disinterest keeps her from really guzzling. And who has happily mastered a sippy cup of H20 in the last few weeks. But she’s still hungry enough for a full feed. And then it’s off to lala land, unless she wakes up and decides to play or babble or have another McMilky.

And while that’s not bad, I’m not very good at going to bed before 11 p.m. And I pretty much cannot nap, despite Mr. Dub’s continued threats. Since Miss Dub goes down around 7 or 8 p.m. she’s got a massive head start on me so she’s perky around 6 a.m., while I’m still lusting for some snoozing.

But some nights are even worse.

Last night, Miss Dub decided to scream from 1 to 3 a.m. Not my favorite way to spend those hours, by the way. I generally prefer to sleep and/or sleep at that time of night. So I was fairly frustrated – the words “shut up” may or may not have graced my mind, though I managed to mutter, “It’s OK, sweetie,” instead. Finally, Mr. Dub lured her to the crib with a favorite singing bunny and we headed back to bed. Until 6:30 a.m.

The point is – I have no idea what my point is. All I know is I’m sorry for judging mothers with children, who, heaven forbid, came to Earth with their own personalities. I mean, I’ve NEVER been someone who sleeps through the night. I always wake up several times a night, and I like it! It gives me some quiet thinking time. The only difference is I know how to put myself back to sleep quickly, while Miss Dub needs to cry or babble for a half hour before she’s tuckered out again. Yet, I expect her to sleep like a log for 10 hours.

I expect someone who’s never met her to tell me what’s wrong.

I expect me to know exactly what to do when I’ve never done this before.

I expect her to be perfect, but only if it’s my idea of perfect.

But I need to take all of my expectations and throw them out a window (preferably a very high one with a view). I need to let Miss Dub be Miss Dub. And I need to chill out.

Also, I need to sleep.

Any suggestions?