HTT - BC Edition

By now, you've all heard about the pregnancy pact. And whether or not you believe it actually existed, the point is: some young girls are getting pregnant intentionally ... and even more are getting pregnant accidentally.

In my opinion, the real controversy to this story is not the fact that these girls want to be young mothers. I think maternal instincts kick in at puberty. I myself often fantasized as a teen about finding an infant on my doorstep and raising her while I went to school. Thankfully, my parents discouraged premarital friskiness and explained the challenges of being a young, unwed mother so I never got past the daydream phase.

What's the real Hot Topic for me is that some schools are giving out birth control or contraceptives without parental consent. And what really intrigues me (WARNING! WARNING! Plot twist ahead!) is that some people are against it. I mean, perhaps the school shouldn't personally distribute birth control and should refer students to a third party resource instead, but I just don't understand why people are so upset - to the point that the school nurse had to resign.

Personally, I don't believe that birth control and condoms make teenagers have sex. Sex is an act of passion for most; it's an act of rebellion for others - and sometimes it's just sheer stupidity. But whether or not the sex is going to be safe is usually not the deciding factor, I think. Not having safe sex, however, is the cause of many hard consequences, including disease and unplanned pregnancy.

I do believe in abstinence and practiced it myself. I do plan to teach my children moral, spiritual and practical reasons why it's the best choice before you're married - but I do not want them to have unsafe sex if they decide to do it anyway. (And I doubt they would bring me a permission slip if one was required, knowing how disappointed I would be.)

Sex education doesn't just happen at school; it also happens in the home. We've already discussed this, but I really believe that you have to do your best and trust your children to make good choices on their own. When they don't, you pray they won't face tragic consequences. And if someone besides myself helps them avoid those, I'm grateful.

Granted, it would be nice if someone would tell me if my child is having sex. The issue isn't just religious - I would want to address the emotional and physical consequences of such behavior and help them understand their decision from all sides. But I don't think most sexually active teens are telling their parents - and those who are probably can acquire birth control with their parents' help.

Please understand, I think schools should teach their students about the negative consequences of sex more than they advertise contraceptives. And I think the context of distribution should be appropriate - having a counselor meet with a student privately versus throwing them out at a prep rally or having a box of them at prom.

But I bet that most of you (and a large part of the country, obviously) disagree. Please, help me understand why.

Do you think that distributing birth control encourages sexual behavior?

Or is this just an issue of parental rights?

Share.

HTT - Sex Ed-ition

(Warning: This post contains references to SEX. For tamer fare - and a review of a phonics DVD - go here.)

It's a Mormon urban legend*: A recently married Mormon gal goes to her doctor worried about infertility. Though she and her husband have been trying to have a baby for some time, they've yet to conceive. The doctor looks over her medical history and, puzzled, suggests an internal exam. When he goes to check "under the hood," the girl asks why he would be looking down there when all the action happens "here." (Pointing to her belly button.)

Yes, my friends, the girl wasn't getting pregnant because she wasn't even having sex, technically.

True or not, we've all heard some horror stories about sex, especially in the LDS world where premarital sex is discouraged - really discouraged. As a result, there are a lot of young brides and grooms who are pretty clueless about the whole thing, which can create issues in many marriages.

I don't want to get too graphic, but I'm not talking about myself here. Our master bedroom is just fine, thank you. But just thinking about Miss Dub growing up in today's society has me already stressing "the talk." And, let me tell you, you can be confident the girl from that legend didn't get a talk from her mom ... or any useful sex education for that matter.

But I recognize the dilemma her mother may have had: How do you teach about the beauty of post-marital sex without encouraging premarital sex? And how do you highlight the sanctity of sex without making it seem secretive or disgusting?

My plan is to be open about the whole thing - real names for body parts, age-appropriate answers to questions and open conversations about sex starting in her tweens. I don't plan to be crude or overly graphic, but I do plan to be honest.

I truly believe that if you avoid talking about sex, you are asking for your kids to find their information elsewhere. I also believe if you treat sex lightly, so will they.

And to really add some heat to an already Hot Topic, I'd really like to understand (seriously) the rationale of parents who won't let their kids attend sex education courses at school. I recognize that much of what's being taught is different than my values, but personally I think it's important for kids to have an opportunity to discuss sex outside the home but still in a structured setting. Because while most of us don't want our children to engage in premarital sex, at least they will be able to consider other reasons to abstain (like STDs and pregnancy) if they turn their back on religious ones. And I'm really not an expert on chlamydia myself.

No matter what I believe parents should be their primary source of sex education. I just think you need to supplement what the school teaches and clarify what you believe with what the school talked about. And, most importantly, you need to stress the beauty of sex with a spouse and the joy of creating a family through it.

But is it really necessary to alienate kids from their classmates and make them that much more curious about sex? Do some parents worry that hearing about birth control options will change their kids' minds about whether or not to have sex?

Thoughts?

And is that legend true?



* More on Mormon urban legends tomorrow!