Have you read this article, "Confessions of a Modern Mom"? If you haven't, and for those who refuse to link - and may the jaws of the inferno swallow you whole for your laziness, or whatever - then let me sum it up for you: Moms are human. We all do things for our own darn convenience that the "perfect mom" would never do.
I, for one, am guilty as charged. As we speak, the TV is babysitting Miss Dub so I can write this post. To be honest, it would be on even if I wasn't using the computer. It's just an easy way to start our day.
I've also forgotten to brush her teeth on occasion. I feed her processed foods. I've even locked her in the car for a split second so I could drop off my rent check without unbuckling her.
Does that make me a bad mom? Well, maybe. But for every bad thing I do, I do something unnecessary, like worrying the whole time she's with a babysitter. Like letting her nap time rule my life. Like watching her around any vaguely elevated surface in case she takes a stumble. (And really, isn't the occasional stumble good?)
Here are some recent "bad moms" who made the news. You tell me if they deserve the criticism they're getting:
A. An Illinois mom who was arrested after leaving her napping toddler in a parked car (in eye sight) while donating change to the Salvation Army out front.
B. A New York mom who let her 9-year-old ride the subway home by himself - with specific directions, instructions and change for a phone call.
C. A Massachusetts couple who left their sleeping kids in a car strategically parked in front of a restaurant window so that they could grab some dinner and keep an eye on their children.
The first one just infuriates me - I mean, really? Thankfully, those charges have been dropped. I don't judge the mom in the second, I just doubt I'd have the guts to let my 9-year-old do that since I'm a bit paranoid. But seriously, why not? I remember being 9, and while there is always a risk in life, that risk is probably no less at 12, when most of us would consider it OK. And the last one - I have to admit I found it clever ... but I probably wouldn't do it. (And if I did, I wouldn't tell you!)
But the overriding thing for me is that we're too quick to judge ourselves and others. Short of abuse, we need to give each other a break. It's hard to be a parent. And if TV makes it a little easier sometimes, so be it!
But what do you think?
What makes you a modern mom?
* To see what my negligent mothering has done to Miss Dub, go here.
4.08.2008
HTT - Mom Edition
Posted by Mrs. Dub at 7:14 AM
19 comments Leave a witty comment hereLabels: Hot Topic Tuesday, motherhood, parenting
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19 comments:
Oh dear. I hesitate to post this comment and admit something that I have not even shared with my husband. But I am hoping that maybe I am not alone and can possibly shed this guilt that has been with me for 12 years.
I was a responsible 30-years-old, I had a newborn and three other children at home. I had to pick up a prescription at the local pharmacy and was just going to drive through to pick it up. I loaded my precious baby in his car seat and took him along for the short ride. Well, somewhere in the middle of my short ride to Walgreens, my mind created a list of things that I needed to purchase along with the prescription that I was picking up, so I would not be driving through. I parked the car, locked the doors, went inside and went on a small shopping spree. It wasn't until I got back to my car that I even remembered that I had my newborn with me! I was mortified then and the feeling has never left. What if it had been summer? What if somebody had seen my baby and called the police? The what-ifs are endless! For whatever reason, we were blessed and protected.
However, I am constantly reminded of mothers who have made this same mistake and are serving prison sentences and/or visiting their child's grave. While the examples you gave were more deliberate, there is a common link between them and me ... we are all human. It reminds me of my son who is serving a mission for the LDS church. He says that if they even do anything remotely human with their name badge on, they are highly criticized because people of the world expect perfection from them. Well, I'm here to tell you that none of us are perfect. We do the best we can with what we have and we hope that we don't end up in jail for it.
I realize that there are some pretty poor excuses for mothers out there who need some type of law enforcement just to keep their children safe, but that isn't what we are talking about here. I also realize that there are fine lines between the two. It's a scary place to be!
There. I said it. I think I hear sirens coming.
On the Fridays my hubby works late, I buy totally trashy kids TV dinners and let them eat it, in front of the TV (gasp!), while watching a movie I rented. My girls absolutely love it! It can't be that bad, huh? Oh, there was one time we forgot to buckle the back part of the toddler carseat and she fell over on the backseat when we went around the corner. It was a toss up between laughing really hard and feeling like an awful mom.
Here is my confession... when I drop stuff off at the Salvation Army, I often run back and forth from the car (parked on the street right in front of the store's doorway) dropping bags off inside - while my son is hanging out in his car seat. I don't think there is anything wrong with this! But some people might.
I also don't buckle my son in the grocery cart (though I probably should since he's pretty squirmy) and sometimes I will throw food at him on the kitchen floor while cooking dinner so he'll stop crying.
I don't think I'm a bad mom though! Just doing what I have to do to stay sane :)
I really liked the article by the way - it's fun to read what other moms do...
I let Baby Einstein babysit my kid while I worked and then moved on to Sesame Street and Elmo. My childs list of 7 foods that she will eat does not include one vegetable. When at the park I try to teach my kid how to climb the tall ladders and hang on the swings by herself so I don't have to stop chatting with friends. I keep candy in my purse to bribe my kid into being good when we are out and about. My list could go on forever - this is like confessions of being a mom. But I think while I am a bad mom I am a good mom in lots of ways and I do what I can to stay sane.
the TV has been the hardest thing for me. actually, sometimes i give ava junk food just so she'll give me a moments peace, but that's mostly when she's cranky. . .my mom told me not to feel guilty about the tv. she asked me how i would get anything done if i spent all of my time entertaining my daughter. she's right and it did make me feel a little better. but still. . .
it boggles my mind that parents are criticized for letting the tv babysit their child from time to time while many teenagers are able to get abortions without notifying their parents.
Thanks for the reminder that I am not screwing up my kids if they watch a few hours of T.V. or we go to McDonalds once in a while... there was a time- that T.V. & McDonalds was a staple in my life--it is called survival.
it is nice to know that i'm not the only one to do a few small things to simplify my life here and there. the one thing i'm scared to death to do since moving to AZ is leave Gracie in the car without it running because i've heard too many scary car/heat/death stories. but i've parked within running distance of our apartment before with her still in the car so i could grab something i forgot. i roll some windows down a little, run the list of things i need through my mind until it's perfectly memorized, and sprint once i'm out of the car. but i will not do this during any heat over 80.
at any rate, it's nice to be reminded every other mother is human too.
I leave my kids in the car for a few minutes all the time, when it's not too hot. And I have no regrets. So there.
I have done like melmck has done and memorized a list of things to grab out my second story apartment while leaving my baby in the car seat. It just seems crazy to haul her up and down the stairs when it only takes me 2 minutes to get what I need. It will be good as she gets older to remember what others have "confessed" to and what that article said. I won't feel so bad if I ever do something "bad."
great blopg topic. I whole heartily agree. I'm too tired to tell you all the times "I was a bad Mom"...
tyson has 7 teeth. should i be brushing them?
When I was 9 I used to go out with my friends, roam the neighborhood and not come home until dusk. No one thought anything was wrong with this. I'm not saying I'd let my 9 year old take the subway, but I think the letter A woman was totally mistreated by the officer.
I have been guilty of leaving my sleeping child in her car seat while I walk the older child into the front door at preschool, but since I read that story about the woman in Illinois, I am afraid to do that anymore.
I love this new movement of "real Mom's" taking over recently. 6 years ago when my oldest was born I felt in a frenzy to know the perfect ways to be the perfect Mom.
I am older, wiser and have more kids.
One thing I will ADMIT to doing to make life a little easier happened just this afternoon. The infant was upstairs napping...he woke up right after a frenzy of me being torn into 20 dif. directions by the older 3. I had JUST sat down to get myself a bite to eat when I heard him grumbling over the baby monitor (and by grumbling, I mean crying).
I was SO hungry. I just turned OFF the baby monitor. No sound? No guilt! I took a few minutes to eat and let the baby cry for a few.
Shockingly, it didn't kill him. We all came out unscathed. I would never (and I mean NEVER) have done that with my oldest.
I just wanted to say congratulations on your Teletubby grandbaby. Although you do look a little young to be a grandmother.
I have left my kids in a locked car while I run into the library to get a book that's on hold or to pick up 2 things at the grocery store. (GASP)
My parents let me fly on a plane alone from Utah to Georgia when I was nine.
But I for one never do any of those things. I'm the perfect mother.
Thanks to the Ford Motor Company's invention of the keypad lock, I have left my children locked in the car while it is running, on many occassion, including this morning when I dropped something off at my daughter's preschool. Or the other day when I ran inside to get something I forgot, or last week when I dropped of library books.....and the list goes on.
All I have to say to your post is "Amen sister!". We need to give other moms a break! A big break!
I just posted this on my blog yesterday:
We took a picnic lunch to the park this weekend. It was a beautiful day. The park wasn't overcrowded but there were other kids around to play with, just perfect. So, we've been there for about half an hour when we realize there are three brothers there without parental supervision. Their ages were 9, 7ish, and 4ish. The 9 is solid because I actually ended up asking him how old he was. I thought he was a little young to be supervising two younger siblings outside of the home but I guess it's not too shocking. What was shocking was when the two older boys decided to go home. And they left little brother there. They got across the street and realized he wasn't following. So they yelled and he didn't listen and they left.
What would you do?
I don't know how old my kids will be when I let them go to the park alone but there's no way I'd send a four or five year old with a nine year old.
I was close to calling the police. If I had been there with another mother instead of my don't-get-involved-husband I would not have hesitated. It took about twenty minutes for Big Brother to return and tell Little Brother that Mom was really mad and he was in trouble. That's when I asked how old he was and told him that he should tell his mom that some lady at the park was going to call the police on her. Since then, I've reviewed many What If.. scenarios but I guess I'll never know the consequences of my decision.
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