There are good days and bad days as the reality of our situation sets in. I know that our trial is nothing compared to the loss and pain some people have experienced, but I recognize that it's the hardest thing we've ever had to go through as family so I allow myself to be upset when I want to be. Sometimes I feel sad. Sometimes I feel mad. Sometimes I feel total peace, or even nothing. But mostly I wish it was all pretend. I wish for a miracle, even though I know I'm about 1,004,926th in line.
But mostly I just hang out with this little girl. I don't know how I would handle life if it wasn't for her. She's awfully fun and cute, in case you didn't know. She's all about small spaces these days and looks for any nook or corner to snuggle herself into, then quietly giggles as if it's all a private joke. She's also really good at animal sounds, drinking out of large cups and dancing like a maniac with or without music.
Oh, and she's great with hugs and kisses.
So despite the outcome, life is good.
1.30.2008
Little Miss Sunshine
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23 comments:
Although my situation cant compare at all to yours I have been experiencing alot of stress and freakin' out and like you the thing that keeps my perspective in check is lookin' at the faces of my children.Sometimes they are covered in dirt and candy and sometimes they are eagerly telling me a story , showing a new trick or asking an interesting question or lets face it- just plain bein' cute . I think to myself this is the important stuff, the times I wouldnt trade if ya paid me.The eternal nature of it all helps me to remember whats important and whats a temporary bump in the road( the bump can seem like a ditch with a bizillion poisonous snakes chillin at the bottom-but whatevz) Ya look around and see what is truly important -the gospel, yer wonderful fam,a lovin hubz whos in it with you and sweet beautiful children who you get to be with and teach and love - everything else is gravy.
Thanks for the first-thing-in-the-morning-peek at that precious sunshine face. Thanks for sharing your heart. And thank you gfunk for putting icing on the post.
So lucky to have such a sweet face to keep you going. I love her little piggies. I am sorry you have to go through such a hard thing but glad you have a wonderful family to help you through it.
One of my loved ones is now pregnant again after a miscarriage and super sick, and her two-year-old pretends to vomit with her and rubs her back when she lies down. They are just plumb precious.
gracie was that for me after our experience. i appreciated her so much more and made more time to just hang out with her. that helped so much. love that baby!
She's beautiful Laura. I'm glad that you feel peace, even if it's not a constant emotion. I think finding that peace, zen, in our life is the most important thing we can do to keeping our sanity during hard things. You're amazing.
she is gorgeous, and i am so glad that she's in our family... and that she can be there for you.
Maybe it's selfish of me, but I really appreciated hearing that sometimes you feel mad and sad. There are SO many wonderful things in life-- and it's important to be grateful for them. But sometimes life is just plain hard. Of course we can't dwell on those things, but it's nice to feel validated that the occasional "downs" are okay. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
first of all, that is about the cutest picture i have ever seen. a pure beauty. secondly, i love you.
And she really knows how to sport the pigtails!
LOVE those pig tales!!!! I can tell you, it's like getting therapy every time I read your blog! I am soooooo glad that I actually know you and I agree with Jesse, it is important to not discount or mimamize all your feelings because they are valid. It's when we can use them all to grow and become hopefully wiser is when we benifit from them. Even the Savior got discouraged and sad when things didn't work out, Life is that ying/yang thing, and the good stuff makes it all worth it.
I have spent more time then I would like feeling scared and vulnerable these last several weeks of my pregnancy. One of the hardest things is having everyone tell me I shouldn't feel the way that I do because "it isn't good for the baby."
I know from experience that sometimes the best thing to do is really embrace how you are feeling in the moment and then moving past it rather then feeling stuck thinking you shouldnt feel what you do. Thanks for being a true example of that!
I've never been good at expressing sympathy, but my thoughts and prayers are with you...
I'm so sorry to hear about your baby, Mrs. D. I am on the verge of tears and I don't even know you... Grateful that you have your Miss S to help you feel better. A friend of mine who lost his son when the baby was 6 months older said that he had/has never been closer to the Lord. I am glad that you understand there is nothing you could have done any differently. The Lord surely sees some purpose in this. OK, now I really am crying. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know about an organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. It is a non-profit group of photographers who come in in situations like yours, where the baby is not expected to live or is born still. Their website is www.nilmdts.org. Check it out, and if you feel so inclined give them a call. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thank goodness for adorable little girls. She's sure looking grown-up these days!
this little face inspires me as well. she is a doll.
you are a rock.
<3
cute pigtails! They're kinda hard, though. Every time I take out those tiny elastic bands a pull a few strands. Ouch!
love the picture! and glad for your honesty.
You are truly inspiring Mrs. Dub. I really like you and that Miss Dub of yours.
Three little girls with faces like that served the same companionship and conversation and emotional support role for a young and often lonely or frustrated or discouraged mother a generation ago. You and Miss Dub have a unique relationship, even among other moms and little girls, and this period of trial is going to cement that for the rest of your lives (except possibly for that period between 11 and 18).
I had a friend's Mom dying from cancer, and a ward member's 3 year old daughter die as I was battling infertility. I always felt guilty for the grief I was going through when there were others suffering too.
I hope you never fall into that trap. Do exactly what you are doing. Feel what you feel when you feel it and don't put high expectations on it. I don't think I grieved enough for some experiences I went through, but believe me, it always comes out in one way or another!
You're in my prayers!
And that picture of Ms. Dub just made my heart smile!
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