10.17.2007

Hot, Cold, Cancer


Up until recently, like yesterday, I couldn't figure out which direction to turn the faucet to get hot or cold water.

I mean, I could read the little instruction on the base that pointed left for red/hot and right for blue/cold. But did that mean to turn the base so it pointed in that direction, or to turn the handle to point in that direction?

Now that I've figured it out (the handle, people!), I feel like a complete idiot, whereas I formerly just felt like a semi-idiot.

The whole thing has reminded me of some of my most idiotic moments. Like, when Mrs. Jay told me yesterday that her recently removed mole is malignant melonoma. But due to her chipper vocal delivery, I temporarily confused benign and malignant and congratulated her on the great news.

But it's not good news. Malignant is bad. Melonoma is worse, although the docs think they removed all the cancerous cells before it spread. Still, she has to see several doctors to make sure she's in the clear.

We're in hot water, here, people.



... But to lighten the mood - and heaven knows Mrs. Jay is good at that - what are some of your most idiotic moments? (Benign stories, please!)

13 comments:

Lindsey from The R House said...

perhaps 2 weeks ago when i teased mr. r's brother for calling pneumonia "amonia." i even went as far to send him an email that explained that ammonia is a solvent commonly used for washing windows. which it is. then i called pneumonia "the kissing disease." which it is not.

that would be mono.

struggles.

Leslie said...

oh gosh. how scary for mrs jay.

i have many many moments like this. like the time i wanted to name our baby james. until neal reminded me that it was parker's middle name already.
i knew i liked it for some reason.

we just blame the blondeness. you could do that, too!

liz said...

Oh, I am so glad it's not just me. My recent dumb moments have included encouraging a five-year-old to water the plant atop his dresser unsupervised -- apparently it seemed very thirsty to him, because his whole underwear drawer was wet. Also, I let my four children "help" put together a piece of furniture from IKEA, which seemed fun until there was a piece missing (why? why am I not smarter than this?).

I once saw a Q&A at a pageant where the girl mixed up the meanings of "asset" and "liability." It was both sad and funny. She didn't win.

Laurie said...

I am a horrible offender of this. I once introduced a sweet lady by the name Florence Henderson (from Brady Bunch) instead of her real last name Hansen.

I also started talking about actual Beaver meat with my husband and his friend right in front of a group of truckers, that all got a good laugh about that one. In my innocence I say really dumb things. Luckily my husband could explain that one to me later.

I can't even blame it on blondeness, I am a definite brunette

steph said...

i have WAY too many of these stories to share... it would simply take too much time.

Leisha Mareth said...

I once told a co-worker a long, drawn out drama "I" apparently had experienced with my local grocer. She patiently let me finish and then said, "Um, Leisha, pause, I told you that exact story yesterday!" Apparently I was so intertwined in my co-workers lives I could no longer differentiate their dramatic experiences and mine. Very, very sad. (But true!)

Angy said...

i'm with steph... these kind of things happen daily to me! lol. no joke.

Alifinale said...

Sorry for Mrs. Jay.. I hope she gets good news with her upcoming Dr. visits.

I have a lot of these stories too - but most of them include badly mispronouncing words. Like I was at Costco with my sister and picked up a calendar of Yosemite National Park. I asked my sister about it and lets just say that Yosemite rhymed with kite in my mind.

Cichelli said...

My office provides plenty of these experiences -- luckily they're mostly other people.

My boss asked me when cinco de mayo was.

When I was complaining about how hot it was in our office, same boss said: "then just take your top off."

Oh and same MALE boss said the other day, I'm serious. "I like women." long pause then frantically asked "does that mean I'm a lesbian?"

P Daddy said...

Not a funny malapropism, but first week of law school, many years ago, incoming students had dinner at the house of the professor who would teach their small session (30 to a section, versus 150 in all other classes). Mine was a no-nonsense professor with laser criticism (and son and biographer of an LDS prophet), who interrupted my first comment to inform me infront of my soon to be classmates that there was no such word as "irregardless". An embarrassing moment and lesson in useage I have never forgotten, but irregardless there was no reason for him to be so rude.

Kelley Bochman Smith said...

A few weeks back, at a luncheon with girls friends, I was telling them about our new house and the move and I was complainging about the HMO, after my lonnnnng comments, one friend said "by the way. that's HOA (Home Owners Assoc), but we all knew what you were talking about." I am so bad at using the wrong words, mispelled words and such, that my friends and family hardly blick an eye anymore. All my daughters have the password to my blog so that they can edit and fill in missing words as I do not even recognize my wrongdoings. I just wish these comment spaces had spellcheck!!!!

Karen said...

I am a hater of Melanoma and a constant user of wrong words. My little brother has quite the cool scar across his chest from a bout with Melanoma, and he's had a clean bill of health for over ten years now. One great thing about dealing with cancer, is that you can always blame it for the misusage of words! "Oh did I just say that? It must be the Melanoma talking." Who would question that? Good luck Mrs. Jay!

Anonymous said...

Interesting to know.