This girl is sick.
Only "The Exorcist" featured more graphic vomiting than we saw last night. (Who knew it could spew out your nose?)
She took three baths last night, and I took two if that's any indication.
You'll be happy to know that I resisted the temptation to take pics of her first bout with illness.
Surprisingly, she's still in a good mood 'cause she's sweet like that.
I, however, shed some tears.
Of course, I'm not new to throw-up. I'm a professional nausea-ist, which means I'm dizzy, motion sick or on the verge of puking most days.
Why? I don't know. Rest assured it's not an eating disorder, though it is disorderly conduct for sure. Which reminds me of an awesome game by that same name that Stephanie's friends used to play where the loser becomes a party slave and participants are forced to do such "crazy" things as write love poems and all sorts of innuendo-ish behavior that probably seemed wild when the game was made in 1983 but now seems tame.
But I digress.
I've thrown up in bushes, trash cans, hallways, floors, bathtubs ... you name it.
One time, I threw up in the entrance to a video store, back when you had to go through a gate to enter the store. So pretty much my vomit kept everyone from renting "Grease 2"or "Licensed to Drive" that night. And I was pretty ashamed, as well.
Back when I was single, I used to throw up when I found out my crushes were involved with other ladies, or when I would kiss someone I didn't really like out of obligation. (I'm a sucker for the underdogs.)
What about you?
What's your throw-up personality?
And what's your worst vomit story?
Don't be afraid to give the dirty details.
We can always take another bath.
15 comments:
Oh Laura... I'm so sorry! Ummm... I've got lot's of good puke stories, but no time to write them at the moment... (Ali is my puke child!)
You want another one? (bebe that is) he he.
I got sick at Magic Mountain one time, and threw up ON the Batman ride. Since the ride involves a lot of upside-down moves, I was afraid that if I let it out, it would somehow land on the other riders, or worse, me. So I kept it in my mouth and swallowed it. And then it came up again and I swallowed it again. And then it came up again and my poor body would not let me swallow again, so I held it in my mouth for the duration of the ride, exited to the nearest tree, and let it go.
You're the one that said to spare no details.
Because my family loves me (and doesn't read this blog), I will share a story we often tell at family get-togethers, which has been affectionately titled "the sprinkler." One of the participants in our wedding got food poisoning at our rehearsal dinner (only one). BAD food poisoning. So bad that it was coming out all ends. He likes to tell a story about how he was in the bathroom for about the 10th time that night and sat down on the toilet, but then abruptly realized it was coming out the other end, and started to spin around to puke in the toilet. Unfortunately, he didn't make it around before came out both ends at once, spraying the tiny hotel bathroom. His date (now wife - thank goodness) generously drove to the store to pick up a matches and gasoline (kidding... just cleaning supplies.
(Sorry for those of you I horrified, but at least you didn't have to hear the story re-told during Thanksgiving dinner)
My worst puke story involved my endometriosis wrapping my innards into a neat little package causing me to projectile vomit for, oh, two months. I would literally throw up the saliva swallowed while chewing gum...I could keep nothing down. Nothing a feeding line inserted near my heart and a few months stay in a hospital won't cure. Fun times...oh, the memories! The best was when my husband snuck a Dr. Pepper in to my hospital room (after I pleaded and begged for it). I swigged a big swig of it and then went for a walk around the hospital floor. I started projectile vomiting in the hallway of the children's ward (the only room available). Children sat wide-eyed and staring while a nurse followed me back to my room holding a bucket under my chin. Again, fun, fun time!
Oh, wait, one more (who knew I enjoyed vomit stories?) As teenagers at the State Fair my best friend and I waited in line to ride "The Zipper". Feeling wet drops all over our heads and arms I said "Oh, it's starting to sprinkle"...my friend replied "yes, but sprinkle WHAT!!!?" Totally, totally gross. Hope your little girl feels better.
oh, man those are bad.
I had no idea Leisha... and we're related.
I don't have any personally, but my nearly 2 year old has made up for it. Everything from throwing up prune juice on my living room carpet to covering 1/4 of my huge kitchen floor with it, an hour before church and I was supposed to be conducting my 1st choir number (Oh wait, that was THREE DAYS ago!)
To the huge mess that ensued at my grandmothers house that I blogged about here (leading to her overflowing washing machine... yeah, it was bad).
The best one as of late though is my brothers story and there's NO way he'll ever read this, so I'll share. (It's similar to Ann's) He just got back from his mission in Portland Oregon. He had a couple that he was teaching who were not married and wanted to be baptized. Sometime during his mission they moved to Las Vegas. After he got home in January they contacted him and told him that they were getting married and they wanted him to be the best man, and the following Monday, perform the baptism for the man (she was a member already). So he flew down to LV for the weekend and the Monday to participate in all the festivities. Well... he got sick at the rehearsal dinner on Friday or Sat night and was in the bathroom with it coming out both ends, doin' the spinner... Yeah, not fun.
He then proceeded to get in the bath tub to see if he could feel any better b/c this was all going on at the bride and grooms house (he was staying with them... they were already living together, obviously). Well, he fell asleep while in the bath tub and for some reason the overflow drain wasn't working and the bath tub overflowed two feet into the carpet (out the bathroom door). The other bummer was that his cell phone was in the pocket of his shorts, on the bathroom floor, and the overflowing water ruined his cell phone.
The poor guy. He felt so bad and now has some portion of $600 to repay them for what it cost to get the carpet dried. Ugh.
I was there for the "incident" at the video store. Let's just say we all ran away really fast and never rented from that store again. So, last night when I heard that my precious Ms. Dub was ailing in much the same way, I could have felt vindicated.
Alas . . . I only felt sad, and prayed hard, and wished for NO more of that which rhymes with "comet". . . for anyone.
First make-out sessions always made me sick to my stomach. That's how I knew Doug was "the one"...he didn't make me want to vomit.
(well, there may have been a little more to it than that...)
I too get motion-sickness. I hate it! So I swallowed lots of puke on bus rides in high school. No one ever knew--not even the girl sitting next to me! My most memorable one, though, was when I was nine I got to fly to Georgia from Utah by myself and I was sooo excited! I thought I looked hot with my aqua and black belted dress and slouch socks and I had this reunion with my sister all planned out where I would set my suitcase down several feet away and run to her for this wondefully cheesy embrace. Well, I'm not sure how to end this story except that I was not aware of "doggie bags" and was very careful not to get it on anyone else, so it ended RIGHT SQUARE in my lap. The suitcase was used to cover that instead of the wild embrace. Oh well, it was memorable, anyway!
I had a small dose of comet during my pregnancies, but nothing extreme or debilitating. It wasn't any fun, but a little pukola never sends me into a tizzy, I'm able to just get it over with & back to business. Hubs on the other hand, has a much harder time handling it. The first time I heard him comet when we were newlyweds, I was convinced I'd have to take him to the hospital... it's definitely a full-body experience for him! Fortunately he's only had it a few times since I've known him. But he is extra-sympathetic towards me when I am afflicted in that way.
GREAT topic!
On of my favorite stories is the time my religion professor father got my two year old drunk.
I’d left El Guille with his grandpa. I came back and my dad told me that Guille had found a very old sippy cup of juice and had brought it to dad saying, “Esto es malo abuelo.” Hmm, how did he know the juice was bad? He MUST have tried it. I opened up the cup and sure enough, that stuff was well on its way to happy town.
I brought Guille home where he promptly bent himself at a 90 degree angle onto the ottoman and stayed that way. For 15 minutes. You KNOW you’re in trouble when a toddler is motionless. Then, he lay on the couch. For 20 minutes. He looked pale and slightly green. Of course now I know that’s the universal signal for DANGER.
I picked him up to take him to his room for his nap. We’d gotten to the door of his room when he let it fly, onto the wool rug, onto himself and me, down my shirt.
There was a puddle of vomit sitting in my bra. It smelled like homeless people. Awesome.
She looks way too tan to be sick. That girl is getting cuter everyday!
I can't speak for myself about ralfing but I do have a great story from a friend. She spent all day at Mission Beach and totally charred herself. Her white freckly skin turned bright red, but she tanned on until night fell. After the beach she went to dinner at Ruby's. After enjoying her meal she turned to her friend and said, "I don't feel so...BLEH! She ralfed on the plate in front of her. She quickly covered it with an napkin and they asked for the check and ran! A little bit of heat stroke! So whenever we don't feel well we say, "I DON'T FEEL SO BLEH!"
I love that no one has shame when it comes to telling their puke stories.....so, I shall add mine.
When I was pregnant with my first, I was teaching 2nd grade. I had been sick for a few weeks in the beginning, but at this time I was about 7 months along and the morning sickness had long been over. It was parent-teacher conferences, so I had been at work ALL DAY. My sweet husband brought me quiznos for dinner. A few conferences in I started to sweat and my stomach started knotting.....BAD. As I was in the middle of one I had to tell the mom I was going to be sick. I took off running to the kids bathroom (it was closer) and managed to throw up all over the toilet and my hands.....nothing that couldn't be cleaned off. Needless to say.....I don't eat at Quiznos anymore.
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