HTT - Shakespeare Edition

Today’s Hot Topic takes the form of a meandering tale so I highly recommend you buckle up as some twists and turns are anticipated. (And you do keep some sort of restraining device by your computer at all times, don’t you?)

It’s the story of two star-crossed lovers, er … cell phones. One is mine, Nokia Capulet. The other is Mr. Dub’s, Motorola Montague.

I took Miss Capulet with me on my trip out West, but made the horrible mistake of leaving her behind in Utah – an oversight I discovered at the SLC airport. I even had to use a pay phone to call on her whereabouts, which was so bizarre because:
a. Who has change these days?
b. Who uses a pay phone these days?
The correct answer to both is no one, which is why I worried Homeland Security would come bearing down on me any moment. Because if anything says “suspicious behavior,” it’s using a pay phone. Thankfully, no one reported me, though the threat level may be raised in coming weeks as a result.

After the initial sadness over the loss of Miss Capulet – who was being sent in the mail to Arizona - I felt a little bit liberated. In addition to being cell-phone-less, I was also on a blogging break and quasi-computer strike. I wasn’t really answering emails. I wasn’t really checking my favorite 649 blogs. (Yes, yours is on the list!)

I was just having fun with my family.

Sometimes I would head off to a store, hear a familiar ring and instinctively reach for Miss Capulet. Realizing she was nowhere to be found, I actually felt an enormous relief. No one could interrupt me in Target. No one could find me when I didn’t want to be found. No wrong numbers. No, “Sorry, I’d love to teach Primary, but I’m on vacation.” Nothing. The silence was audible, and it sounded sweet.

As my week in Arizona wore on, it became clear that the USPS wasn’t going to bring Miss Capulet back to me. With sadness, I boarded the plane and headed home with no idea when or if Miss Capulet and Sir Montague would ever be reunited.

Once home, the reality of a Capulet-life set in. Since we don’t have a land line – and haven’t for years – I had no means of cellular communication on days Sir Montague was needed by Mr. Dub. And while it was sometimes a hassle, the peace of being unreachable was hard to ignore. Returning to blogs and emails killed some of that, but I approached them with a new triviality. After all, I’d gone nearly two weeks without them and nothing catastrophic happened. Maybe they weren't that important after all.

Another week passed with no signs of Miss Capulet. I gave up on her return. Unfortunately, so did Sir Montague. He became sullen and unresponsive. So when Miss Dub left a pile of slobber on him one day, he took the opportunity to end his pain. In a second, Sir Montague was gone.

Unfortunately, it happened right as Mrs. Jay and her fam were headed our way for dinner. Suddenly, cell phones went from being a nuisance to a necessity. What if they got lost? How long would they try to reach us before turning back? Would they call the police? Would they draw their guns on arrival? Would they eat our pizza?

As an hour passed with no signs of the Jays, I became anxious. I felt so cut off from the world. But then I remembered my frienemy, the Internet. I hopped online to see who was available to chat. Luckily, our dear friend, Mr. R was online. I asked him for a random favor and he obliged. I gave him Mrs. Jay’s number (which is one of few I actually know without Miss Capulet’s help) and asked him to call her, inform her of our tragic loss and determine her whereabouts.

“They just pulled up,” he chatted back.

And like that, I remembered how brilliant modern technology is. How wonderful it is to find people any time of day.

Maybe my positive attitude sent good karma to a Utah mail carrier, who returned Miss Capulet with a wrong Arizona address denoted. A few days later, she was back with me.

Of course, there is no happy end to this story. When she realizes that Sir Montague mistook her fake death for the real thing, resulting in his demise, she’s sure to end her own misery.
Then again, there’s a new cell phone on the scene. His name is Sir Paris Samsung, and he’s a looker. So maybe Miss Capulet will stick around. Who knows, maybe she was always meant for Paris.

But the point of this tale is that my relationship with technology is complicated. I so loOove all the new gadgets we have today. Our TiVo and iPod are our household pets. They make life more convenient, more entertaining, more enhanced.

But cell phones, computers and PDAs can make life complicated, even worse if you’re working because the work day never ends. Vacations are never truly vacations. Because you’re never alone.

But help me sort through these feelings.

Love your cell? Or hate it?

All about technology, or dreaming of yesteryear and its simplicity?

And if your phone was to star in any Shakespeare play, who would it be and why?

I'm waiting.