But I can’t.
And I won’t.
No matter how much blood, sweat and tears have been lost over whether or not HTT is a good thing or a bad thing. (Or just plain stupid.)
Because there are way more important things to talk about – like my hair.
FYE (which is an acronym for For Your Edification, FYE): I made my appointment with destiny for Saturday morning.
And I’m going to do it.
Because there are way more important things to talk about – like my hair.
FYE (which is an acronym for For Your Edification, FYE): I made my appointment with destiny for Saturday morning.
And I’m going to do it.
I think.
I mean, I really, really want to.
But my track record with hair isn’t so hot.
Sure, I’ve been sporting mid- to long-lengthed locks for several years now. And I’ve been pretty consistently blonde to caramel-highlighted for the same timeframe. But I have a sordid salon past, filled with short hair, home dye jobs and lots of Beige Neige.
The latter is the color that I used to dye my own hair from 14 to 18, at which point it was discontinued and my life was thrown into utter chaos. But before that, it turned my hair the loveliest shade of baby blonde. It was so pale but not platinum. Combined with my career as a semi-professional lifeguard, it turned my hair into a bed of super shiny blonde locks, which were often mistaken for a wig. Seriously.
Every now and then I’d feel a little crazy and go red or brown, which always turned green and required an emergency trip to the salon, only to return to my blonde roots. (Although my real roots are a bland light brown these days.) I just don’t feel like me without a little lightness around the face, but I seem to forget this every two years.
So when I headed to college, I decided my flaxen bob needed to be traded for a short, brown ‘do. Off I went, picture in hand, to my stylist … who turned out to be sick and had his son stand in for him. (Mistake #1.) Unfortunately, the picture I brought featured a girl with super-short bangs, which were all the rage, and a layered cut tucked behind her ears. (Mistake #2.) He apparently thought the hair was cut around her ears and preceded to do the same to mine. So my potentially cute ‘do became a bowl cut.
Hoping that a color change would help fix the dastardly ‘do, I rushed home and dyed it brown. (Mistake #3.) Well, not even two days into my college career, I decided that brown was so not my style. I then rushed out to the beauty supply and found a sad substitute for Beige Neige, which was accidentally an ash-toned blonde. (Mistake #4.)
Remember the part where I had just dyed my hair brown? And the part where I referenced my job as a lifeguard and swim teacher – you know, someone who spends an enormous amount of time in chlorinated pool water? Well, if you’re still not following, let me do the math for you:
Damaged hair + Too much dying + 4 mistakes =
But my track record with hair isn’t so hot.
Sure, I’ve been sporting mid- to long-lengthed locks for several years now. And I’ve been pretty consistently blonde to caramel-highlighted for the same timeframe. But I have a sordid salon past, filled with short hair, home dye jobs and lots of Beige Neige.
The latter is the color that I used to dye my own hair from 14 to 18, at which point it was discontinued and my life was thrown into utter chaos. But before that, it turned my hair the loveliest shade of baby blonde. It was so pale but not platinum. Combined with my career as a semi-professional lifeguard, it turned my hair into a bed of super shiny blonde locks, which were often mistaken for a wig. Seriously.
Every now and then I’d feel a little crazy and go red or brown, which always turned green and required an emergency trip to the salon, only to return to my blonde roots. (Although my real roots are a bland light brown these days.) I just don’t feel like me without a little lightness around the face, but I seem to forget this every two years.
So when I headed to college, I decided my flaxen bob needed to be traded for a short, brown ‘do. Off I went, picture in hand, to my stylist … who turned out to be sick and had his son stand in for him. (Mistake #1.) Unfortunately, the picture I brought featured a girl with super-short bangs, which were all the rage, and a layered cut tucked behind her ears. (Mistake #2.) He apparently thought the hair was cut around her ears and preceded to do the same to mine. So my potentially cute ‘do became a bowl cut.
Hoping that a color change would help fix the dastardly ‘do, I rushed home and dyed it brown. (Mistake #3.) Well, not even two days into my college career, I decided that brown was so not my style. I then rushed out to the beauty supply and found a sad substitute for Beige Neige, which was accidentally an ash-toned blonde. (Mistake #4.)
Remember the part where I had just dyed my hair brown? And the part where I referenced my job as a lifeguard and swim teacher – you know, someone who spends an enormous amount of time in chlorinated pool water? Well, if you’re still not following, let me do the math for you:
Damaged hair + Too much dying + 4 mistakes =
Large clumps of hair falling out all around me while I helplessly try to stick them back on my scalp.
Yes, my hair fell out. Well, it more fell off.
So what does a girl do at 6 p.m. on a Saturday with no car and no local stylist? She grabs her roommate and starts walking from the dorms to the mall.
Luckily, my dear friend’s future husband and his friend stopped to give us a ride. We made it in time to the mall where I had all the dying hair put to rest at the hands of a recent beauty school grad who probably got bad grades.
Here’s a hint of how short it was: The first guy I saw after “fixing” my hair asked, “Did you shave your head? That’s hot.”
So it was short but apparently dead sexy if you dig White Supremacists.
And that’s just one of my many sad tales from the salon. Life just isn’t long enough to tell you them all.
Yet, I’m about to take my hair into my hands … er, my stylist’s hands … again.
I guess that proves that if we don’t learn from the past, we’re doomed to repeat it.
Just promise me that this hair story has a happy ending, or at least some Beige Neige.
…. So what’s your worst hairdo drama?
So what does a girl do at 6 p.m. on a Saturday with no car and no local stylist? She grabs her roommate and starts walking from the dorms to the mall.
Luckily, my dear friend’s future husband and his friend stopped to give us a ride. We made it in time to the mall where I had all the dying hair put to rest at the hands of a recent beauty school grad who probably got bad grades.
Here’s a hint of how short it was: The first guy I saw after “fixing” my hair asked, “Did you shave your head? That’s hot.”
So it was short but apparently dead sexy if you dig White Supremacists.
And that’s just one of my many sad tales from the salon. Life just isn’t long enough to tell you them all.
Yet, I’m about to take my hair into my hands … er, my stylist’s hands … again.
I guess that proves that if we don’t learn from the past, we’re doomed to repeat it.
Just promise me that this hair story has a happy ending, or at least some Beige Neige.
…. So what’s your worst hairdo drama?
19 comments:
Hair stories are always so painfully funny! Last week I colored my hair and it ended up BRASSY blonde. I cried, tried to live with it, and ultimately fixed it. Good luck with your new 'do!
first of all... why are they STILL creating "ash blonde" dyes? Everyone I've ever known thats used it has had a traumatic experience. I just don't think ash colored things are meant for peoples heads. After all, aren't ashes usually resemblant of something bad?
I'll post about my worst hair trauma on my blog. it's really pretty funny b/c i was 7 and I did it to myself.
Don't fret about HTT. It is throughly enjoyable and a good example of what HEALTHY debate is. Your moderation is tactful and keeps us all in check. (o:
first, you looked DARLING after your above mentioned hair trama. only YOU could have pulled it off. and i have some pictures to prove it. unfortunately i don't own a scanner.
second, i like HTT. i am sorry if i got a little carried away, but my sister was being attacked. i couldn't sit back and do nothing. it was exciting.
for some reason i am familiar with the beige neige phase of your life. perhaps you colored your hair during a visit to one of the abodes i share with your sis? maybe she just told me about it. either way, you were an absolute doll with that shiny blonde hair and the tan that wouldn't quit. :)
and as for HTT, i'm taking the high road. i think. but looking down from this high road, all i can see is the top of jessica's head. next time i'm waiting a few hours into the day to comment. so as not to be attacked by perfect strangers.
ha! i remember that walk up university parkway.
i think that dorm room was cursed. for it was there that i smelt something 'burning' before i realized it was from the curling iron on my head!
and 4 months later my hair would stick straight up until it was long enough to bend down and hide away.
kind of tramatic.
that and the time autumn died my hair and it looked like someone pee'd on it. the color of pee, even worse than ash-blonde.
HTT is the best... sure, I'll never comment, but I love reading what everyone else has to say.
As for hair disasters--I have certainly had my share. When I was 5, my neighbors convinced me to let them cut my hair (with crayola scissors nonetheless)--but just my "sides," so my mom wouldn't notice... Do you know what "no sides" meant for me?! Mullet. Nice. And, yes, my mom did notice.
Then in 8th grade, I decided that I wanted to grow my bangs out. Normal people get clips for this endeavor... I gelled (sp?) mine to the sides of my head--split right down the middle. Not cute at all. I have my 8th grade photo to prove it.
Then when I started college, I was finally allowed to dye my hair, so I tried to go blonder not knowing that this meant BLEACH. Oops. Let's just say that I don't have the skin tone for white/yellow hair. Plus, that AWFUL Ramona Quimby bob didn't help the situation at all.
for the record, standing up for oneself or family is totally acceptable so no worries. i'll try to set up some more rules so that everyone feels a little safer commenting on HTT.
also, hair trauma sucks. seriously.
but i'm glad to know i'm not alone.
ah yes, hair trauma.
my first experience with hair trauma was when i was like 9 years old - bad news when i want to look like hailey mills in PARNET TRAP but stylist (can they REALLY be called that when they make you look bad?) doesn't know what they are doing - at all. (will post on my beloved blog as soon as i can get to leslie's to use her scanner.) second HT happened in college when i wanted the celine dion short do from her white album - again, bad news "...she made me look like a man..." was the quote of the day.
I must also take the time to mention that THE BEST hair cut I've ever had was from Stephanie, in Leslie's driveway with all of our kids running around - she has a way with locks, my friends and I'm really sad we don't live closer.
As for the HTT and the crazy remarks aimed at my BBF - I wonder how happy a person can be if they have such biting things to say to complete strangers - sheesh is right. and for the record, i lived in Utah for 17+ years and only vaguely know where Riverton is.
I think it is great that you are courageous enough to try new things with your hair. Besides a few green hair episodes in the AZ summer, I have never had a major hair trauma. But that is because I am too chicken to change my hair. It has basically been the same since I was 12. I even went to a new stylist once and asked for just a small trim on my long, straight mane, and the guy goes, "Your hair is so high school." I am not sure if that was an insult or compliment, but because I was 26 at the time I didn't want "high school hair" (whatever that is). So he talked me into WAY blonder than normal with lots of layers. I was disappointed and back to my normal style and bland cut in no time. But I promise I won't be one of those older ladies that still has LONG hair and it looks so out of place. Good for you, Mrs. Dub, for trying different things.
Does coming home for Thanksgiving break during freshman year of college with a red wash-out dye job that Mrs. Dub's sister administered, and having my mom say it made me look like a "street walker" count? That really was no hair trauma... as I said, it was wash-out. Like my sista Jamie, I've had the same boring hair most of my life, with a couple of minor dye incidents and growing bangs out / cutting them again. I vary between long, kinda long, and just past the shoulders. The lengths switch every now and then from all-one-length to "long layers," although I did a slightly longer version of "the Rachel" when everybody else was doing it.
Probably my worst 'do was when I was 9 and everybody wanted to look like Dorothy Hamill -- except I just Googled her and found out that she popularized the boy-cut in about 1976 and I was 9 in 1984... hmm. Maybe the role model was Mary Lou Retton. Anyway, lacking the expert curling iron skills that I later gained as a poofy-banged (although not in Utah) 12-yr-old, the boy-cut just looked like... a boy. Showing up to the first day of school wearing kulotts and some kind of button-up shirt with a little ribbon that looked like a bolo tie really completed the look!
i remember that oh so well. plus the whole orange eye brow experience which was unfortunately my fault but still makes me laugh. can't wait to see the new do!
My worst hair experience:
12 years old. Day before a temple trip to do baptisms. Fancy department store salon. Lovely African-American stylist (had an afro, parted down the middle, with 2 puffs on either side). When I left I had a red headed afro, parted down the middle with 2 puffs on either side...with crunchy little end bits to round of the look. There was weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. It was sufficiently smoothed down after 2,000 conditioning rinses, then promptly POOFED again the second I hit the baptismal font water. I have not yet recovered. Let the catharsis begin!
My mid life crisis "butch" cut!
(I just found out what my daughters do all day - read and comment on Mrs. Dub's crises and HT's) By the way, Miss Dub is WAY cute!
Thank you Pam . . . Miss Dub IS the cutest. I just remember coming home from a perm . . . which oddly enough had NOT traumatized me and having Amy casually look up and say, "So, Mom, when are you going into the bathroom to cry?"
I went to beauty school and after months of letting people practice on my head of hair, it was fried and falling out. It was a very pretty green color(not by choice). That is when I decided to shave it all off. So I did. It looked terrible but I made up for it with big earings, make-up, and girly clothes. And all that damage was done by Utah mormons. Curse those big haired girls!
Sheesh, Mom... it's not what we do ALL day. Just part of the day. :)
Good for you, Mrs. Dub! I'm sure you'll end up with something stylish and cute. I'm all for trying new hairdos. Hair grows... and if you don't like it, it really doesn't take that long until it's grown out again. Maybe someday my sisters will be a little more daring!
Remember when I tried to dye my hair strawberry blond at the beach and it turned out bright pumpkin orange?! The funny thing is that I convinced myself that it was cool and that I liked it. Those were the days
I just got soo sick of my ultra long shapeless hair and overgrown bangs that five minutes before church on Easter Sunday I started hacking at my bangs and choppin at the bottom of my bra length mane.( i had to be really careful my scissor happy lil' ladies didnt see me do what they got busted for doin)well it doesnt look horrible but i need a real hair cut and color and i need the cajones to go in there and say "Yes I cut my OWN hair ,Yes its been 6 months since i have done anything to it and No i dont want to chat about your boyfriend and the latest lame romantic comedy ,Just give me a bottled water and the latest Instyle or Domino and let me appreciate being alone in the daytime for an hour! PS im a good tipper!"by the way im dying to see miss dub again ( sooo cute) and paul and stephs wedding couldnt come soon enough --we all miss you!!!!!!its me, brooke -i love you!
i think my heart skipped a beat when i dawned on me halfway through that last comment that it was my dear sister, brooke.
i hear ya on the salon small talk. wish it was against the law!
but i'm sure you look great with your custom cut.
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