8.22.2008

How I didn't blow your minds


This is the blog post that wasn't.

It started yesterday when I realized that I'm over all our summer activities (pool, park, beach, bungee jumping). Yet, staying home all day is not an option with my TV-loving, mommy-come-watch-this, easily frustrated toddler.

So I decided on a whim to head down to Steve & Barry's, the world's weirdest store where I've had mediocre luck in the past. (And only thanks to SPJ and her Bitten line.) I knew that S&B had fallen on hard times, so when I saw a sign announcing the store was closing in a week, I assumed it was related to their bankruptcy.

Everything in the store was marked $8.98, because $8.99 is, like, sooo expensive. But ever greedy, I decided I was going to barter for a better deal like the inspiring blogger I inspire to be. I started to craft this post in my head, envisioning the great comments I'd get, like, "You always do things I never have the guts to try."

So I started to throw things in my cart. Cute things. Average things. Things you would give to a person you really don't like on her birthday. I gathered pants, capris, shorts, shoes, tops and one item that might have been a shirt, a dress or some sort of nursing wrap.

I cruised up to the register with my sky-high pile of threads, pulled out some cash and said:

"Look, I'm going to offer you $40 for this pile of clothes right now."

Startled cashier: "What?"

Me: "I know you're going out of business next week, and I've seen the massive amount of clothes you still have, so there's no way you are going to sell this all before then. This is a deal for you guys."

Startled cashier: "Um, we're closing because they are redeveloping this shopping center. We're just going to send our leftover stuff to the other Steve & Barry's."

Me: "Oh. So this isn't related to the bankruptcy?"

Annoyed cashier: "No."

Me: "Oh. So you're not going to adjust the prices?"

Incredulous cashier: "No."

Me: "I better sort through that pile then."

Me: (Handing her my three pieces.) "Sorry about that confusion. It's shopping tradition to barter when a store is going out of business."

Interested cashier: "Really?"

Me: (Continuing to lie to assuage my discomfort.) "Oh yeah, I do it all the time. I usually get things for 90-95 percent off."

Impressed cashier: "Wow. I'll have to remember it."

Me: "Glad to help."

The worst part is I got home and decided I don't even like the three things I bought. So now I have to go back and return them. I'm just hoping they've managed to put away my pile of clothes by then.



p.s. It's a no-TV, no-computer day at our house, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell Miss Dub about this post.

13 comments:

brookegfunk said...

Steve and Barry's is a wierdo store . Congrats on yer efforts! Dont give up I am quite sure yer S and B's will go under soon- keep the faith and then the cashier will be grateful to give you 99.8% off the whole store.....suckaz!

Sarah S said...

That is hilarious!! You win A++++ for effort.

P Daddy said...

I just got an e-mail from Miss Dub asking me to turn the TV on.

Sorry the bartering didn't go well, maybe the Tijuana branch of S&B's would have worked out better. Of course, there it might be a premium line. However, they probably do carry an SPJ line (sorry to take advantage of an innocent typo) to go along with the Guest jeans and the Rolexo watches.

Kristina P. said...

Your post may have just convinced me to try S&B once again. I went when it first opened, and I was so not impressed. Everything is very cheap, and it looks it.

steph said...

oh, pdaddy. you crack me up.

as does your daughter.

mrs. dub, i cannot believe you tried this. how hilarious and gutsy of you.

hilari said...

don't give up. brooke has been having great success at the bartering. just think, if we all start doing it then the stores will have no choice but to accept our offers.

Sarah Garner said...

Wow Mrs. Dubb you always do things I never have the guts to try.

Leisha Mareth said...

Mrs. Dub, I am in awe of you. You always do things I could never do....like getting out of uncomfortable situations with ease and grace. I probably would have dropped the pile and ran!

Kelley Bochman Smith said...

you kill me (in a good way)....XO

Joey and Megan said...

Maybe next time you should try taking one of the "easy" buttons from Staples with you.

I laughed out loud when I saw that commercial today and thought of this post.

Shaka said...

did you really do that!?

we have a steve & barry. it moved in prob. about a year ago. i haven't ventured in yet but i had heard everything was like $10. i'm surprised i haven't gone yet. $10!

the dragonfly said...

I'm impressed...I don't think I could have done that. :)

Colleen said...

Ha ha! That's gutsy for sure. I've only tried S&B once, because a friend got a super cute jacket there, and I was pretty disappointed. I couldn't find anything buyable, and with their cheap prices that's pretty bad.