I’ve decided there must be a lot of psycho pregnant women out there. I don’t think I’m one – at least not yet – so it’s a bit surprising to me to be treated as if I am one by most of the medical personnel I interact with these days.
As you know, I’m suffering from a bevy of issues with this pregnancy. Basically, I gots me two ovaries chock full of cysts, which are continuing to grow and cause me much pain, though I’m proud to say I’ve yet to drop an F-bomb. (Unless “fartknocker!” counts.) The doc has wisely decided not to do surgery because it could compromise my health and the baby’s, as well as send both my ovaries (and babymakin’ ways) to an early grave. Unfortunately, I’m also suffering from high hormone levels, which is going to keep the cysts growing until the baby is born, at which point we hope they’ll spontaneously disappear. The biggest bummer of all is that I’m going to look like I’m carrying triplets. I know, I know, it’s my punishment for being so vocal in my fear of having multiples. That or for calling a girl “Stallion!” growing up because she had unkempt curly hair and looked like she would fancy unicorns.
Oh, and I have placenta previa, too, which is also a bummer. So basically it’s going to be a long, painful and really ugly five and half months until Baby Dub makes his/her debut.
But the point of all of this is that I’ve had to speak with my doctor a lot more than the average patient. I don’t call her much because I’m not the freak-out type, but she often leaves me messages to give her a ring. But every time I call the office and ask for her they say, “Um, are you even a patient?” Duh. Then they say, “Well, she works during the day, ma’am, but you are welcome to leave a message with a nurse.” When I tell them she personally asked me to call her back, they promptly respond, “Oh, she’s right here, hold on.” Whhaa?
Still, I sort of understand. I’m sure there are a lot of obsessive pregnant women harassing the doctor on a daily basis with updates on their Braxton Hicks and urine color. SoI could see why she would need the screening. But then yesterday I called to schedule my weekly ultrasounds (ugggh!) that I have to get every week at a specific location - just to make sure my uterus doesn't explode. Here’s my convo:
Me: “Hello ... (something nice) ... I need to schedule a weekly fetal monitoring ultrasound at X Hospital.”
Stupidhead: “Uh, do you even have a doctor’s order?”
Me: “Yes ... (pleasantry).”
Stupidhead: “Well, how about we try starting at the beginning, OK? Tell me your name so I can see if that’s true.”
Me: “Your Enemy.”
Stupidhead: “OK, well, I see you in our system, but ... what’s even wrong with you?”
Me: “I have 14 cysts and placenta previa and a knuckle sandwich waiting in a sack lunch for you.”
Stupidhead: “Well, I can send you to Y Hospital for that.”
Me: “The doctor specifically asked me to go to X Hospital so I could consult with a doctor every week instead of just an ultrasound tech.”
Stupidhead: “Well, how can I know that for sure?”
Me: “Prayer and fasting.”
... I could go on, but my memory faileth me, and I’m already bored with this post.
The point is – is someone out there really trying to sneak in weekly ultrasounds? I mean, what’s even the big thrill of an ultrasound? I like me an occasional peek at the baby, but most ultrasounds are like watching a Rorschach test on an old TV. For all I know, we could be studying a piece of cheese. And like I really want to spend the time and money to go every blasted week to a hospital 30 minutes from my house just because I want to see my baby!
Whew! I need a cold shower. This whole thing has me heated. I just feel like the whole medical world is conspiring against me. And reading my mail.
Aw man, I am one of those psycho pregnant women, aren’t I?
Crap.
27 comments:
Oh sweetie, I feel for you after just going through this. I view doctors as a (barely) necessary evil.
And yes... there are women who try to sneak in extra ultrasounds - I know a few. I know! I don't get it either.
you knockin' unicorns, mrs dub?
you're in my prayers. honest. ;)
All those crazy pregnant women give the rest of us a bad name. I don't think you sound crazy at all! I'm sorry about the complications though. That must be really rough. It seems like you are handling is beautifully though. (And I don't blame ya if an expletive sneaks out once in awhile!)
WOW...I think you are allowed to be as crazy as you want. I know I would be going crazy to have all that going on during pregnancy. People are stupid, one that they try to pretend they need doctors & ultrasounds when not needed and two, medical personnel for assuming you are one of those other stupid people.
But I must confess, although I would never try to get weekly ultrasounds, I am kind of jealous that you get more than one or two. I love ultrasounds.
now i knew a crazy pregnant lady once, and let me just say that aside from preparing knuckle sandwiches and placing them in paper sacks, you seems fairly normal, albeit uncomfortable.
i think i'll add you in on the prayers.
Gosh, if that stupidhead lady had talked to me like that, I probably would have bitten her head off and I'm not even pregnant. Is there anyway you can just schedule for the next week right at the hospital after you're done with the ultrasound so you don't have to deal with all the stupidheads?
What a bummer. At least your doctor is insisting you go to a place where you can consult with another doctor after ultrasounds. With my second pregnancy, I went in for an early ultrasound at a radiology office. The tech wouldn't tell me a thing about what we saw that afternoon. So I had to go back to my doctor the next day to find out the baby's heart had stopped beating. I could have strangled the ultrasound chick. Why make me think everything was peachy when it was NOT?
So, I'm just saying, despite the pain in the arse, it is good to follow doctor's orders.
I think a little mild craziness is an integral part of most pregnancies. I say, just enjoy it while you have a good excuse. I do. I cried like a baby when I saw "Meet the Robinsons" the first time.
The cysts are NASTY! I had one that had me bedridden for a couple of days while it died (my doctor says "outgrew its blood supply" but I say died). They are painful little beasts.
On the bright side, my husband was totally ENTHRALLED with the cyst that he could see when they pulled my uterus onto my belly during my C-section. So at least it was good for some entertainment.
just in case it hasn't been blatantly obvious throughout my various comments on your blog about doctors and hospitals, still not a fan. why are nurses who answer the phone always so nasty!? and why do they always seem to assume they are all-wise and you're completely stupid!? i'm fuming for you.
I was one of those crazy pregnant women who called to speak specifically with the doctor...but it's nice to hear they treat the uncrazy ones badly also! :)
Thanks for all the laughs.
This is my number one complaint about being pregnant: people think you are stupid. It really will drive me crazy. I did not entirely lose my faculties, thank you very much, but you will entirely lose your face if you don't knock it off.
I think you should tell your doctor how rude her staff is. I almost switched from a doctor I LOVED once because I disliked her receptionist so much. My current OB/GYN is lovely as is her staff, resulting in great popularity and about an hour (or more) of waiting, typically. And it's worth it.
when i worked at my dad's dr's office, there was always someone who asked to speak with him directly and i always thought they were an idiot. my dad usually told me if so-and-so called to get him out of a room so he could talk to them. if it wasn't so-and-so, i'll admit, i gave them attitude.
my dad being the best doctor you will ever find (not just because i'm biased but also on account of all the patients that go on and on about how wonderful he is) has told a few patients on occasion to have them call him at the office and ask for him. this confuses nurses/staff and we assume the patient is lying. when i ask my dad if he said that, it's usually yes and if not, he'll take the call anyway. he's that kind of guy.
the moral of the story is a) i understand where the sassy nurse is coming from but b) if the dr said to ask for them, then do it right away and there should be no trouble.
grumpy health care workers can kiss my butt.
Ugh, I worked in a doctor's office for a short time and there was this 19-year-old high school dropout that treated everyone like that. It drove me nuts. I had to quit so I wouldn't kill her. Seriously.
ok, so i totally know what you are talking about with the dr. office, except on the other end. i used to work at an imaging center and would schedule things like ultrasounds for people, and you always get those psycho people calling and saying that they need to talk to the dr or some other weird thing. your first response is to question them, as no one wants the wrath of a busy radiologist on them. but luckily our drs were pretty good about letting us know about certain patients, special cases, etc. plus, i would try to be discreet about it instead of questioning the pt to their face...that's right, i was awesome!! the good thing is that they will HOPEFULLY, eventually get to know you and you won't have to deal with that the whole time.
but i have to say, that when i am on your end, i feel like: bring on the snottyness, i know i'm right and you're wrong, so i can talk to you however i want, cuz i know i will eventually get what i want! HA!! i love being right.
sorry about all the lameness in your pregnancy though. that would be so annoying to me. i have 2 months left, and think that that is forever, so i can't imagine how you must feel. atleast your attitude is good, from what i can tell anyway!!
Don't get me started about medical providers and their staff. I'm afraid I have a short fuse! As for the frequent ultrasounds, I had to get them for my diabetic pregnancy . . . and I must admit I loved them. At least diabetes got me a little perk!
PS. There IS only one Baby Dub in there, right? If I had triplets (or even twins) I think I'd sequester myself inside until 2020. Thanks to Peapod, Netflix,and Diapers.com, I'd be set.
Ben will attest to the fact that I wanted ultrasounds ALL the time, especially toward the end. So I may be one of the crazies that was paranoid the entire time I was prego.
Besides, hormones play such a huge role in how crazy we feel... it's mostly totally out of our control, right? I am so sorry you're dealing with physical pain along with mental games at the doctor's office...
sad, but true...the crazy minority ruin it for the normal majority.
I deal with it on a daily basis at my office. Us, as nurses and medical staff, are just trying to help the doctor run the best practice by screening his calls. Otherwise, your 45 minute appt would turn into a 3 hour ordeal due to phones calls and interruptions. And, in my experience, physician's aren't always the best communicators and don't notify the staff of VIP's or urgent patients. This forces us to be defensive and screen. But, I agree we could do this with a little more compassion. After all, isn't that why we went into healthcare...to help others? Or so we thought...until Insurance companies and government step in...another rant for another time.
Good luck!
This post reminds me of doing IVF. I would have rather been staked naked to an ant hill covered in honey then talk to someone in the medical community on a daily basis. I'm not knocking Dr.'s, I have several in my family...but the great web of suspicious receptionists, computers, filing systems, etc. makes my brain hurt. I'll never forget my husband dropping off a little brown bag o' sperm at one office and them telling us we "weren't in the system." Believe you me they had us in the system when we were done with them.
Good Luck. It will all be worth it. Really.
As someone who had twice-a-week ultrasounds & non-stress tests for the last 3 months of her last pregnancy (twins) may I offer the following advice... see if you can go at night, after the Mr.'s home to stay with the Miss, and that way if you're in a room (or curtained partition thing) with a tv in it, you can catch up on your favorite reality shows while you wait and while the nurse tries for 45 minutes to locate two active babies' heartbeats simultaneously. Okay so know I'm talking about me but man it would take them forever!! I would go on Thursdays & watch ER.
So sorry about the cysts & all; what a pain. I'm sure the doc's office will figure out soon who you are and start treating you like an A-list celeb!
i like sara's idea to see if they offer night appointments. it is a hospital after all, aren't those all hours? if not, i will just fly over weekly to help you out. there is just one minor problem, i am not rich. so if anyone is rich please help mrs. dub by getting her bff to chi town to help her with a little r&r. weekly.
Boy, as you personally know, I use the term "stupidhead" seriosly and in place of the dreaded F bomb. Those people ARE stupidheads and I am going to go out there and beat them Up! Or on second thought, I'll send your BFF to do my dirty work. We all love you very much.
I hate medical staffs - and I've even been apart of one!
I love my dentist and I love my pediatrician but both of them have the worst staffs I've ever dealt with. It's a sad day when you know more about healthcare - and manners than your provider does.
p.s. I have an unusual last name. I blame my husband. The name is difficult to spell and to pronounce. I can't stand when I call medical places and they say, "What's the name?"
"May I spell my last name for you?"
"Oh no, just tell me."
"Here, let me spell it"
"No, just tell me"
"It's W-------"
"....."
"Would you like me to spell that for you?"
"Yes."
Repeat, ad nauseum.
Haha, I hope those really were your responses! I understand that the nurses/phone-answerers probably don't mean any harm--but really, must they question our motives 12 times before giving us a mental seal of approval?
You CRACK me up. Same thing could've happened to me but it wouldn't be half as funny on my blog. :)
Hope you feel better!!
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