musings and misadventures: HTT

11.27.2007

HTT - Holiday Edition

We're baaaack - sick, but back. Missing the wicked sights in Rhode Island, but back. Not ready to blog about the trip or share pics quite yet, but back.

And even though we've only been back for 12 hours, I'm already thinking about decorating for the holidays. OK, I lied, I put up some decorations the day before we left so that I'd have a little holiday cheer awaiting us. A better idea would have been to put away the dishes, but I've never been one to properly prioritize.

Anyway, all the holiday thinking has led me to a hotter issue - How to blend family traditions? Because while Mr. Dub and I come from pretty similar families, our traditions vary a bit. His family has Thanksgiving Part II on Christmas Eve and leftovers on Christmas day, while mine opts for a warm soup and rolls on Christmas Eve with a big buffet (sometimes traditional sometimes Mexican) on Christmas day. And his fam reenacts the nativity story, complete with costumes, while mine always read stories and then watched a movie. (Typically "A Christmas Story," sometimes "Elf," and once "Close Encounters of the Third Kind.")

And the list of minor differences goes on and on ... though we both opened one present on Christmas Eve so we've got that going for us.

So how do we decide what to eat on Christmas Eve or Christmas day? (We're leaning towards letting everyone pick their favorite food and enjoying a random smorgasbord on Christmas Eve.) And how does a more tradition diverse couple ever comprise?

Also, when is the appropriate time to start having Christmas as a family rather than traveling to visit family or sharing the day with them? 'Cause we're planning to mooch for a few more years, both out of homesickness and sheer moochy-moochness, but at some point our family needs to start its own traditions and make its own memories.

But what do ch'alls think?

How do you create new holiday traditions for your family out of your respective pasts?

Oh, and my bro-in-law also wants us to address the "new" trend of saying, "X-mas" in lieu of Christmas, although I informed him its not so much a new trend as a very 80s abbreviation. But do discuss if so inclined.

22 comments:

Alifinale said...: I think this is a hard one - while I am lucky and our family traditions mesh pretty well it is troublesome at times. I would say make your own traditions or take turns every other year with different traditions, or maybe pick and choose - is it more important to you to have the food you want Christmas Eve or to watch a movie.

I, too, struggle with when we will ever be our own little family for the holidays. While I LOVE to be with my family on Christmas (and we are the moochiest of all moochers, my MIL does our stockings even) I want to someday wake up with my kids in our own house and do our own Christmas morning traditions! But that probably won't happen until we have 4 kids.

And finally, I don't love X-mas. I know it may be faster to write but it really feels wrong.; 10:08 AM
P Daddy said...: As they used to say on a 70's TV show now known mostly for an overused theme song and the more tolerable of the most publicized Scientologists, "Welcome Back".

We moved far away from both families early in our married life and quickly had two children at a time when air travel was beyond reach for us or either family. We acquired traditions that reflected some things from each side, but were mostly original. Almost all simply happened and were repeated rather than being conscious choices. When we moved back West, closer physical proximity, larger extended family, and more organized celebration on one side led to more frequent interaction with that family, but usually before or after Christmas, with only a couple of shared Christmases at rented cabins in the mountains.

Perhaps because of less affinity for football, it seems women worry more about this tradition thing (and decorating, etc.) than men do (except maybe picking trees and house lights). However, while I claim to love variety and eschew tradition but am usually the one griping when we try something"new".

Use of "X-mas" should be a capital crime. If
Christmas is too long or too religious then say Merry Winter, but don't "x" the Lord.; 10:22 AM
Anonymous said...: I know Mel through my daughter, they went to school together in St. John for many years. I just have to say I totally enjoy reading your blog. You're so creative. My daughter is 23 and we still travel back and forth between home (my parents) and our house. It has always been a sore spot between my husband and I, he thinks we should always stay home. I feel you can start your own traditions even before Christmas to make things special just for your own family.; 10:36 AM
Carina said...: X-mas is NOT an 80s abbreviation. Xmas is ancient.

X is the Greek character Chi, which is where we get Christ. Christ was often written Xp or Xt in the Greek.

Mas, or obviously mass, is Anglo-Saxon old English. So, Xmas is as old as the confluence of Christianity into the English speaking world.

It cracks me up to no end when people freak out about X-mas. I remember a schoolmate's mother going rabid with anger about X-mas--hey, that was in the 80s! I came home and asked my dad (who holds a PhD in Ancient Near Eastern Studies, knows Hebrew, Greek, and a host of other languages) and he explained the derivation. Xmas has been around for more than a 1,000 years.

So, go ahead and use Xmas, it's devout and ancient.

Oh, and your question? Our Christmas looks like your Christmas, and I always win the tradition argument as my husband doesn't care.; 10:40 AM
liz said...: zI think the important thing to realize about traditions is that YOU get to decide, because it is YOUR family. If you like certain things your family or your husband's family did, keep those. If you want to change it all up, do it. Of course this is all negotiated between spouses, just like everything else in marriage. Some things don't have to be done every year. You can add something new at any time. We don't have to be slaves to anything. This is a good time for you to be thinking about this topic, because as Miss Dub gets older, she'll remember things from year to year and care more about traditions.

We've almost never traveled to spend Christmas with our families, preferring to save the plane-fare for summer travel. Now we live near one of the families, and it has been an adjustment to celebrate with them. A good one though.; 12:08 PM
Layton Mom said...: The last time we tried to travel for Christmas we ended up leaving some of the presents in our garage. We went to my extrememly small hometown that lacks any really shopping locations and had a mad scramble to try to find something acceptable as a replacement. At that point I swore that we would never travel for Christmas again. It is just too stressful. We will go for New Year's, a lot less stress. Then we don't hurt feelings by spending more holidays with one family or the other.

We haven't had any real problems blending family traditions. Mostly because my DH lets me do whatever I want. :) Gotta love him! We have found a happy middle ground that we add to and subtract from every year.; 12:28 PM
mommie said...: I'm with PDaddy.

But, then I am guessing you had that figured out already.

Our only diehard tradition is "angel chimes" on Christmas night. That came about because a)a friend of mine had given them to us as a wedding gift and b) we used them on our first Christmas, the night after my family had left are little celebration, and the night before we left to actually spend Christmas with PDaddy's. It served to cement our little family.

My only advise is not to "plot" it too much. Let your own traditions evolve. They will.; 1:02 PM
janaya said...: welcome back! i can put the prozac away now.

love azucar's explanation of Xmas... who knew? can we make a memo to the world so i won't get the glare if i use it? :)

as for blending family traditions... since we're all still basically 30 year old kids on both sides, our traditions are based on where we are for that year. 7 fully-grown adults steam-rolling aging parents while lying in their bed on christmas morning at my hubby's house. and listening to my mom read a finnish story with a fake finnish accent on christmas eve at mine. with that kind of foundation, the possibilities for our own traditions are endless! but all i know is 3 decades of me NOT getting to open a present on christmas eve MUST STOP, dang it!! :)

all in all, i'm a fan of a sprinkle of tradition from both and then starting your own.; 1:30 PM
sara said...: One of our first big arguments as newlyweds was over how to decorate our Christmas tree. We'd been married 3 months and I had NO idea it would be such an issue. Obviously I had assumed he wouldn't care & I'd get my way. It got ugly with comments that clearly implicated each other's mothers' tastes, like, "But that kind of tree is so impersonal!" and "But that kind of tree is so tacky!!"

We compromised. Although our families are THAT different (sounds similar to y'alls differences), I've learned that it's okay to adopt some of his family's traditions and that the way I want it isn't necessarily the *right* way. Who knew!; 1:41 PM
sara said...: Excuse me... aren't that different.

And I meant to comment on what a brainiac Azucar is.; 1:43 PM
Kelley Bochman Smith said...: If you want to change a tradition, that's just fine but be sure to explain why you are doing it, not just say "here's how it's going to be" We just talked over our combined traditions and if it was really important to either one of us, we kept it. Now, with the kids grown, we've changed with the dynamics of the group, keeping in mind that traditions should be fun and looked forward to, not a burden to anyone. Sometimes, finances, time and travel force a tradition to become lost. Your memory and love for your family and friends keep old traditions in mind by remenicing and looking back at the photos and journals. It's all good. Oh ya,I remember a big deal was made at church in the 80's about the whole X-mas word. I have been tempted to write it that way on my storage boxes, but feel too wierd about it. I don't think people who do use it arn't trying to take Christ out of it,it just doesn't cross thier minds...; 2:03 PM
Kelley Bochman Smith said...: PS glad you made it safely home.Hope you had a wonderful time.; 2:04 PM
hilari said...: this is the solution: move to az. here you can wake up and have your own little family christmas and then spend the rest of the day with family. i just think about when my kids are grown with their own kids and i think it would be quite sad if i wasn't a part of their holidays.; 2:36 PM
Melanie M. McKinnon said...: i'm so proud of you for doing the HTT is spite of your exhaustion.

in our case, rob and i switch off holidays and just do what that particular family does.

i regret to admit i complain more that he does but at least we are both good sports about going to each other's in-laws. one is here in AZ and the other is in Utah so it works out well.; 3:02 PM
Sarah S said...: Our family situations are so different - ben has 7 siblings (all married, most with kids), and I have one sibling (not married). We currently rotate every other year with where we'll be for Christmas/New Year's, though since we live close to my family, I feel like my parents get a little shortchanged since we don't use as much vacation time in their years and we usually just stay over one night. This year we'll be in San Diego with Ben's quickly growing immediate family, and there will be 33 people (2 grandparents, 16 adults, 15 kids under the age of 10). It will be nuts.

I'm not sure how long we will all continue this, but I like the idea for the future of doing Christmas in our home with our little family, and then spending New Year's with our extended family.

In our first year of marriage, I got really upset because Ben didn't want to buy a tree - it was a HUGE deal for me to go pick it out and decorate it as a couple, because that was something I always looking forward to with my family. Now 7 years later, I think he sort of understands that it's something I love and he'll go along with it. I just wish it wasn't such work pulling all of the decorations out of storage and finding places to put them in our limited space!; 3:31 PM
Cichelli said...: We live in Utah, both our families live back in the DC area, and we have always gone back to spend Christmas with them.

This is our 5th Christmas together but our first year doing it on our own, sans family, in Utah. We get to do our own thing, whatever we want! And we actually chose to do it this way. We could have gone back East, but I just felt like it was time for us to do our own holidays.

I've accepted the fact that traditions take time. So this year doesn't have to be the ultimate Christmas. They'll evolve. They'll change as our boys (now 3 and 1) get older and want to do different things.

There are some things that to me just say Christmas, like abilskievers for breakfast and opening pajamas christmas eve, and reading "twas the night before christmas" on christmas eve, and having an advent calendar all month... but there are things that I'm less picky about and I'm looking forward to seeing what traditions evolve naturally for us.

I'm really really excited at the prospect of doing things our own way, whatever we decide that is. And granted, we probably won't watch Elf or National Lampoon with our boys this year... but we might when they're older. I love that not knowing and seeing what happens. I LOVE being my own family, separate and unique from my parents or my in laws.

enjoy it! Merry Christmas! or Merry Xmas!; 5:51 PM
P Daddy said...: Well, azúcar, that's another HTT sqashed by fact. I do appreciate your intelligent and knowledgable (as usual) summary of the history of Xmas. I'm actually usually on the secular/liberal side on these things (e.g., school prayer or coins or the pledge of allegiance). While people who use Xmas probably aren't intentionally secularizing the holiday, I don't buy an unbroken link between most current use of Xmas and ancient (or modern) use of the Chi-Rho. I think most modern use is ignorant and independent of the historical origin. Labelling boxes in the attic, or devout useage by someone as clued in as azúcar or as learned as her father, or anything janaya wants to do, is fine, but in most contexts I still think I'll opt for Christmas over Xmas.; 6:45 PM
Ilene said...: We've been doing our own Christmas thing for awhile and since I am the wife, I usually get to pick what holiday traditions our family continues (i.e. mine).

Actually my husband's family had surprisingly little by way of traditional rites in their family allowing my many traditions to take over.

However, his family did the Christmas day dinner thing while mine did the Christmas Eve thing. It actually works out nicely because I get to have our personal family meal on Christmas Eve and then if we are around any of his family, we drive up to Christmas day dinner with them (we have yet to live within driving distance to any of my family). This way I don't have to cook on Christmas day and I still have our own personal family celebration as well as an extended family dealio.

We both win, and really, isn't that the true spirit of Christmas?; 9:12 PM
Anonymous said...: I know the secret to the whole blending family traditions thing. You marry a guy who has a crazy mom who doesn't really celebrate holidays! Then he has NO traditions that he remembers (including lack of a tree and presents for the most part!) and we can just adopt the ones from my family that I love!

I guess I owe my crazy mother in law that one!; 9:32 PM
go boo boo said...: Amen to P Daddy - on the traditions that just sort of happen and then the kiddos will take as tradition what they love and remember - and on x-mas, capital crime. He is a wise dude.; 9:49 PM
Jenny said...: we stopped traveling to family for christmas when our kids got old enough to really enjoy christmas morning. part of that was that it was just too hard to travel with them by that point, but it's been sooo fun to be HOME.

we're still figuring out our traditions. :)

and as far as x-mas - i had a professor in college who shared what azucar did - so i'm ok w/ it.; 11:51 PM
Morgan said...: oh, i'm a day late in responding, but that's ok, right?! my husband and i have very different holiday traditions as well. my family goes all out, beautiful tree and other decor, smelly candles, music, lots of presents (my husband calls it the materialistic oragy (sp?) that is christmas...we have a lot of people in our family, ok?!) and lots of food that we all make from scratch! we have lots of family get togethers, and read the christmas story and watch lots of christmas movies. his family on the other hand, doesn't decorate or even get a tree usually. they do get nice gifts, but usually just a couple and often they are not wrapped (gasp!) i LOVE wrapping gifts! but they read the christmas story every christmas eve and have a family testimony meeting which is so awesome. even though i love being with his fam for christmas, i am finding myself SUPER excited to go to my fam's house this year, it just doesn't seem as much like christmas without all the hoopla!

we basically have accepted that our families are VERY different in this area, and respect and appreciate the differences. As for our home, he loves that i decorate and get all into it, even though he would never do it himself, but loves it when it is all done. it used to be a fight whether or not i could get a tree, but now he likes it! but i think we both like being with our own families more.

as for when to stop having christmas with the fam...since we live out of state and probably always will, it will always be an issue. but i think when the kids are older and appreciate the holiday more. right now, it is more for us, but when our kids are older, i think we will want to start making our own new traditions, etc. but it is sad to think of just me and my husband and our little guy all alone on christmas just because we decided to do it ourself. the kids definitely need to be older!

while i don't like the look or sound of x-mas, i don't really have anything against it!; 11:29 AM