At the grocery store the other day, I had the following exchange with an old woman in line at the pharmacy. For the record, I spend half my life in line at the pharmacy. Also, for the record, half of the people in the line that I spend half my life in are pushing 100. This lady was no exception.
Old Lady to Miss Dub: "Hi, sweetie! You're a cute baby."
Me to OL: "Thanks."
Old Lady to Miss Dub: (lifting up Miss Dub's shirt) "But - wow! - you need a girdle!"
Is it OK to hit an elderly woman? Because I did.
(I didn't. My mental slap resulted in her death so I decided it was best to just smile and walk away with my assortment of drugs, which I slipped into her drink when she wasn't looking.)
(I didn't.)
What is not OK to say to your kids?
And who has said it anyway?
10.10.2007
Things that are not OK to say to Miss Dub
Posted by Mrs. Dub at 6:20 AM
24 comments Leave a witty comment hereLabels: misadventure, Miss Dub, old ladies
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24 comments:
Holland is a little bigger (by 2 pounds which are all in her cheeks) than Ethan and we ALWAYS get this, " She must be a good eater"
OR
They must be identical twins...and I always respond by saying"Why yes, she has a penis just like her brother".
I can't believe someone said that. Everywhere I go someone comments on how sleepy my child looks. Not only does she have those eyes that kind of turn down at the corners so she does look kind of sleepy, but also she has a lazy eye. I don't know why, but it totally bothers me that EVERYONE says something to the effect of "Someones ready for a nap." No she's not! And no, my child isn't stoned.
When we first adopted my (bi-racial) son I didn't like it when people asked me "What is he?" as in, what is his ethnic background.
I didn't mind tactful questions, or questions that followed "Oh what a cute baby..." but just walking up and saying "What is he?" bugged me.
I would always just say "A baby..." and walk away.
(On a sidenote I also once had a lady at Wal-mart (of course!) whisper to me "Don't call him bi-racial honey" I asked her why and she said "you know, bi! bi! like BI-sexual! I said, "like bi! bi! Bicycle? Bicentennial?)
My son is speech delayed but on all other tests is ahead like two years. So I know he is really smart but I once had a friend of a friend ask me if he was retarded or something because she couldn't understand what he was saying. It still makes me upset.
My daughter Kasey is half black. She's almost 14 years old now, but when she was a baby people would always come up to us and say, "What is she?" I guess that's still the question, after reading Leisha's comment, nothings changed! I would give the same response, "She's a baby!" But even worse for me was when people would ask if she was mine??? I was like uh, 9 months of pregnacy, 19 hours of labor and a video of her birth is all the proof I have! So as far as I can remember, Yeah she's mine!
so, of course you know i don't have kids yet... but i'm already getting proxy-pissed for my mom-friends who have people say stupid things to them and their kids. :)
like when a mother-in-law says "did mommy forget to put socks on you this morning?"
or when a total stranger so matter-of-factly says "are you hungry? does mommy need to feed you?"
so, maybe it's not so much the things people say to babies, as much as it's the not-so-subtle attempts to say something to the mom by trying to be the voice of the baby. stupid.
My oldest daughter's name is Brooklyn. It is not that uncommon now, but when I picked the name 6 years ago, it was a little bit unique. I had an old lady in my ward come up and ask what her name was. When I told her, "Brooklyn" she goes, "Brooklyn? What kind of a name is that? You know, you have to think about how that will work when she is older. Can you imagine a woman my age named Brooklyn?" Hello!? First of all, she was already like a month old and it was completely a done deal. Second, I didn't realize that I was supposed to pick my children's names based on what would "work" when they were 90 years old!
Another thing is that all my babies have had tan-ish skin as babies. They just don't come out pasty white, which I think is thanks to some great genes :) But my oldest had/has pretty dark skin for a white girl. Anyway, when she was about 6 weeks old another old lady from the ward came up and asked if she was doing okay and was healthy. Brooklyn had been perfect from birth, so I was surprised at her question. She then told me, "Well, we were all worried about her because she looked like she had such poor circulation." I was like, "What are you talking about?" And she goes, "Well, it was obvious she had a problem because of her dark skin color." Um...okay. You're old.
Nothing too bad has been said to my kids other than the occassional head size remarks (my eldest had a big head as a baby). The remarks that make me the most upset have to deal with my adopted neices and nephew. People say the darndest things to them and my brother and wife (because the children have some latino/a blood in them). It seems that most remarks come from people at church (isn't that always the case?). I think an Enrichment meeting should be spent on teaching people tact. Like no comments about people having or not having babies, comments about people's babies, comments about breastfeeding (I can't and get a lot of flack from people), etc.
Hey, aren't you now enrichment leader? It would be tricky to teach people how to be tactful tactfully.
I'm just waiting... Elijah's pretty tall for his age (go figure) and Jim's mom has warned me that people always thought her boys were slow because they were so big. Nothing to report yet, but stay tuned.
I can't think of anything good to contribute but I'm just amazed at some of these stories so far! I agree about having a "tact" lesson for Enrichment. I think it could be done tactfully!
rachie - I love when people ask if boy/girl twins are identical. It cracks me up. Also when people ask whether fraternal twins (which I have - both girls) came from the mom's or dad's side of the family. Clearly there's a lot of egg/sperm misinformation out there; like how many of each it takes to make a baby! When my twins were newborns I would get a lot of that, "So are there many twins in your husband's family?" I would always just smile.
People always say to my 7 month old girl, "She is so beautiful..." and then they look at me and say, "She looks just like her daddy!" It is rude (I think) but most of the time I have to laugh... yes - I think my DH is handsome- but come on... give me some credit, people!
AMEN Janaya! I loathe when people try to speak for my kids! Ugh!
And, can some one please explain to me why people automatically assume a baby is hungry if they cry? Is it just me or do your babies cry for other reasons? Geez, get real!
People think I am a preschool EVERYWHERE I go because my kids are close together (7,6,5,2.5 and 3 months) and my children can predict when someone will say "boy youve got your hands full." I try to give them the benefit of the doubt that they have no idea that a bijillion other people have just said the same thing to me.I also enjoy when people ask me if I understand where babies come from,if I have cable and my fave if I am done havin kids -thanks Target bagger Ill give ya an update as soon as I can.Most of the time it doesnt bug me cuz lets face it I do look like a preschool and people arent usually tryin to be jerks their just tryin to be funny in a sad Bob Saget kind of way or tryin to start a conversation in an uninterested Tyra way..... so mostly i feel pity
my best experience was when i was very prego with baby boy #3 and shoppping with my other two boys,a random lady at target approached me and said, "please don't tell me you are having another boy." i told her that i was infact having another boy and that i was thrilled about it. then i very nicely told her to bite me.
anything that is close to being racist is not tolerated and not okay even if they are "trying" to be funny--that goes for positive and negative stereotypes. i am sick of people saying to me, "oh, he is going to be an athlete. all brotha's are." to which i reply, "he can be a florist if he wants to." although i am not so sure that people would not have said that to us if we had biological children knowing mr. r's obsession with futbol americano.
then, we were at an extended family function (on my husband's side) and an auntie was explaining how her daughter wants to have a black baby. she even asked her mom, "do i have to try to get pregnant, or can i just adopt?" i thought that was cute and endearing, but then someone else in the family listening to the conversation said, "well, at least she didn't say that she wanted to marry a black guy."
i was ticked and responded, "what's wrong with that?"
awkward pause.
"nothing," was the sheepish reply.
No wonder why so many girls have eating disorders! And to start with comments like that at such a young age is horrible!
I second what Mrs. R said. I don't like it when family members tell me my kids have "rhythm in their blood"
Pardon the horrible paraphrase: I just read in Newsweek something about some research they're doing on old people that shows they lose inhibition as they age. Which may be why they say so many "unfortunate" things. So uh, not that it helps, but next time you don't have to poison her, you can just trip her or something.
them: "what's his name?"
me: "chase"
them: "hmmm. that's different."
???!
I have a delightfully chubby 11-month-old (who is still at a higher percentile for height than weight), and I have actually had people say to me, on more than one occasion, "She's so fat!" Since when did it become ok to use the word "fat" to describe someone else's baby??
My goodness! We had such an episode this week. place; McDonalds playplace, culprits: My 5 year old, an almost two year old and several in between. The usual screaming abounds while everyone eats their trashy meal and pretends to be childless. All of a sudden, a lady, with a couple children there with her, goes up to the play place and literally SCREAMS, STOP SCREAMING! We waited to see if any of the children reacted tearfully, but lucky for that lady, they just ignored her. The nerve of that lady!
Oooh I could write a book about this! My two oldest girls don't look anything alike (one looks like me, the other like my husband). A lady in the grocery store once asked me if they had the same Dad. I have since thought of a million horrible things to say... but the moment left me speechless.
I have an acquaintance who is married to a black man. They named their child a kind of ethnic name. A woman in the grocery store asked if she "came with that name."
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