HTT - SAHM Edition

I’m in the mood for some comment loOove so I’ve been mulling over some possible Hot Topics that will generate a little energy.

The first thing that came to mind was labor stories – the natural kind and the enjoyable kind - but I worried that people would consider it an unofficial announcement so I nixed that idea. Which only left the working mother debate because that’s as hot as it gets among Mormon moms, and because well I can’t think for more than six minutes consecutively without stopping for a snack. And I’m trying not to graze as much these days.

But here’s where I must preface my thoughts, and it applies to a lot of other Hot Topics, as well – I’m a gray person. Even though I belong to a church that is very black and white on most moral issues, I sympathize with the fuzz in between, especially when it applies to others.

That said, I think the LDS Church has been pretty clear about mothers working outside of the home. Basically, a mom should stay home with her kids except when it’s financially impossible and all other options have been exhausted, such as working from home or finding better employment for the father.

Working to save for luxuries is not a good reason to leave children with others, we’ve been told. Working to avoid the stress and chaos of motherhood is not a good solution. Working outside the home, in general, isn’t as healthy for children as having a mother at home, and can have harmful repercussions if childcare isn’t adequate.

BUT – and it’s almost as big as my butt – like everything in life, I think this counsel is meant for everyone but with the understanding there will be EXCEPTIONS. There are single mothers who have no choice but to work. There are families in dire financial straights that require both parents to work endless hours. There are women whose sanity is literally dependent on spending time away from their children each day. There are women who feel called to be mothers and doctors … or any number of honorable professions.

It’s all about your motives, I think. If you feel strongly like you need to work for unselfish reasons then no one can argue with your decision. And, ultimately, it’s YOUR decision to make. Passing judgment can be foolish because we rarely know all the factors and personal inspiration that led someone to work or not.

In my case, I had a mother who stayed home during our childhood and most of our formative years. Raising four kids was her full-time job. Her constant example, her open availability to talk, her overseeing eye and discipline were priceless to us. I never doubted her love, never wished for more time with her or felt free to misbehave without her finding out. (Though I sometimes tried!)

That’s why I’ve chosen to stay home with Miss Dub. Even though an extra income could help us buy a house sooner or pay for more trips, we never even discussed the possibility. Our decision was made when we got married because we both understood the value of having a mother in the home. And I’m so glad because I can’t imagine missing a moment of Miss Dub’s infancy.

That doesn’t mean, however, that raising my children will be my sole pursuit. I am still a writer and do freelance work during nap time. I am still a friend and make time to get out by myself with others. I am still a wife and need an occasional date with my Mr. And I’m busy with other church, family and home obligations.

Most importantly, I am fulfilled. Even though it can be tiring, tedious and monotonous, I LoOoVe my job.

But I’m ME. YOU my have entirely different opinion or situation that has led you down another path. But we can both be good moms.

(Unless, of course, you have multiple live-in nannies. I take issue with that. Also, I was wondering if you would lend me $1 million dollars?)

But what do you think?

Are you a stay at home mom or a proud working mama? How did you make your decision?

Do you see this as a black and white issue, or is it a little bit gray?

Be nice.