Once upon a time there was a girl named Mrs. Dub who used to fret over Hot Topics for Tuesdays because while she was quite passionate about a lot of things, she never knew what other people wanted to talk about and had a tendency to offend people when she really let loose with her opinion.
Enter kind M&M readers who began to suggest all sort of friendly topics for everyone to amicably discuss and brainstorm about together. And it made Mrs. Dub’s life, or at least her Tuesdays, infinitely better.
Today is another reader request that’s making me one step closer to happily ever after.
The topic is nudity, but we’re not talking about art. (Let’s just say I don’t mind me a nude sculpture or two.)
We’re talking about family modesty. Like, when do you stop letting your kids shower with you? And when do you make your skivvy-lovin’ kids cover up? How do you teach them the sanctity of their body when they’re young?
I can’t really speak to the matter yet since Miss Dub is the first person I see when I step out of the shower, and I wipe her rear every few hours ... so we’re still on an intimate level. But I know some of you are in the throes of this issue, and others have already implemented a system.
So I’ll leave it to you to dish your nude-a-licious advice.
Speaking hypothetically, I think I would stress the sacred nature of our bodies from an early age. And I would insist on modesty outside the home around age 3 or 4. Seeing parents naked would end around the same time, and any indoor exhibitionism would need to be squelched by kindergarten.
But what do I know? I’ve always liked layers.
What do you think?
Bear all.
19 comments:
Those of us who follow the strictures of the "never nude" don't have this problem. We're always modest in cut-offs.
Just kiddin'.
We're really working on keeping things clean around here. Max is 5 and I don't want to give him any traumatic memories. He knows about modesty and is learning that Mom needs privacy when she's in the bathroom/shower.
But we don't put tons of emphasis on it because that would probably make him MORE interested.
It will be nice when we have a bathroom attached to the master suite. Much easier to ge modest when you don't have to sprint from bathroom to bedroom.
Funny because as I opened your site my 4 and 5 year old boys had just entered the room and they were a little too glued to the darling nekid picture of Miss Dub. They are definitely aware of the sacred, private nature of nekkidness. I agree with the 3 and 4 year old rule on the showering and what not. Although we share the main bathroom, and the door doesn't really close that well anyway. I miss having a master's bath, but I tend to really like the intimacy that we enjoy, being with my kids brushing teeth, hair, etc. My dh is much more private, where I tend to use the facilities with all doors open (too much information!). My kids certainly won't be surprised to see stretch marks and "milk machines" that's for sure! I do want my kids to have a healthy, strong, but real body image examples to follow. And does that mean seeing a real nekid body once in a while (probably my dh for the boys thought right?)?
Having 2 girls, I totally think about the dress thing all the time. Sure, she's only 2, but when should she stop sporting the skimpy summer clothes? I am thinking next year, but since we inherit all our clothes (seriously, we are so blessed) from my sister-in-law, I might have to actually start buying clothes... anyway, I am excited to see what others have to say who have older kids.
In some ways I'm more lenient on this issue than I thought I would be and in other ways I'm more strict.
My kids both went through "naked" stages where they ran around in nothing but undies and I was fine with that. They couldn't do it outside, just in the house.
I have my daughter wear shorts under her skirts and dresses (or I buy her skorts). Her preschool insists on that anyway and I think it's good practice.
My son stopped coming into the bathroom while I got ready at around 4 and I still let my almost 4 year old daughter come in though.
We have lots of talks about keeping our privates private and modesty, etc. I think I went overboard with my son because he came home on his first day of preschool (at age 4) yelling "I had a GREAT day of school Mom and NO ONE saw or touched my PRIVATES!"
that's hilarious, leisha! how funny. just hope he didn't mention it AT school, right? :)
i agree with the 3/4 no more seeing naked parents rule. but you have to be careful not to make a big deal out of it. e.g., i just say, "ok! out of the bathroom! I'm taking a shower!" not, "I don't want you to see mommy naked because blah blah blah." you know, common sense.
as for the naked kid thing, my kids aren't ever completely naked (is this HTT directed toward me cuz i just posted about this?!), but let em hang out in their underwear every once in a while in the house. who cares. you gotta pick your battles, and it's not that big of a deal. must wear clothes outside, and if there is too much body-fun going on (with the boys especially), then the clothes go back on. we have had to remind our son, while bathing, that his parts are not toys or weapons and should not be used to solicit giggles from your sister.
hey, it happens. boys are gross, we all know it. now i'm thinking maybe they should take separate baths. what a pain.
sorry for the ramble.
that's so funny that this is your hot topic for today because it's something i was thinking about yesterday.
we had gone to the beach and charlie and i were both VERY sandy.
so i jumped in the shower hoping that i could go quick enough before he wanted a turn, but sure enough, he hopped right in.
this was the first time that he's taken a shower with me in about six months, and as we're standing there, i realized he's about eye level to the you know what. he looked up at me with this sad little face and said, "can you please turn around mom. your vagina is scaring me."
fair enough. i think we're done with the nudity thing.
this is a hard one. i don't want to make things a big deal. i want to have a balance between the hippie free lifestyle and teaching them that our bodies are to be modest and private. as with most things, i think my boys tell me when they are ready for the next stage. blue (almost 7) takes a shower alone now and is always saying to his brothers, "give me my privacy."
There is very little privacy or modesty within our home. (Except for certain times when my husband and I are alone). I never want my girls to be embarassed about their bodies or to be afraid to ask me questions so I'm pretty open with them. My hope is that by showing them I'm comfortable with my body they'll grow up at least a little more comfortable with theirs.
(Outide the home we're a lot more strict. And if there were any boys in the equation we'd approach the subject differently.)
forgot one funny thing, a while ago i was about to put my swimsuit on and blue came walking in to see my bare bum. all he said was, "that's the last thing i wanted to see."
We have been pretty lax around our parts about our parts. Since our first will be 4 this December, I think we might let a cool fall and the beginning of winter become a natural segue to more clothes on everyone.
I’m not going to make it a big deal and freak out if my kids see me in all my glory. Getting dressed and showering are normal, so if things are in the open during or at the conclusion of those activities, so be it.
It’s a tough line to delineate. You want them to love their bodies and be comfortable with them, but also instill a sense of the appropriate and modest. I like my body and I don’t care if my babies that I carried, birthed, and nursed see me (in the course of normal events.) Is there anyone who was raised by a mom that was a little freer in that way? I’d like to hear that side of the story.
After all, we’re only at the beginning of our kid-raising; there will be plenty more topless nights to go on my end.
This is a whole new issue for me to worry about! Our boys are young, only 3 and 18 months, so it hasn't been much of an issue. We've tried to teach them correct names for their body parts, have taught them to keep their clothes on in front of people, and have told them not to yell "MY PENIS HURTS!" really loud in the grocery store.
We're kind of taking each step as it comes, figuring out what we're doing.
No good advice from me, sorry.
although very open about pretty much everything in my home, we were a pretty modest and private family. my family is an interesting dynamic. i have one brother, my mom had all brothers, my dad had all sisters, thus we all grew up in homes where we were the only child of our gender. i assume this is part of what lead to the very private nature of our family. my brother and i bathed together and i showered with my mom long enough that i can still remember it, but short enough that it's not traumatizing. :) however, from that point on, i have recollections of a whole lot of "hey! can't you knock!?! don't come in, i'm naked!" going on in my house. as far as i can recall, my parents didn't put me in anything sleeveless as a baby and i wasn't allowed to wear two piece swimsuits or anything immodest basically until i was old enough to buy my own clothes. i went through a little rebellion in my late high-school years, and i do sport the two piece now that i'm... well... i guess i'm a grown up. but generally speaking, i think i have always been a pretty modest kid because my parents encouraged us to be and set a good example even in our house. i'll be surprised if i end up being as "private" as my parents were when i have kids 'cause i think the downside is that i spent a lot of years feeling more paranoid than private, but i think there's a healthy balance and certainly room for discretion even around the house. not because there's anything to be ashamed of, but because there's simply room for discretion when it comes to nudity around children (at least that's my take). all that being said, discretion comes with age and i wholeheartedly agree that you have to pick your battles. plus, a little bare bum once in awhile is kinda cute. :)
in my family growing up things were pretty modest. i almost feel that the modesty made me kinds of self-conscious about my body, rather than feeling like it was sacred.
All i know is that it wasn't until i was about 21 that i did the open shower things at the gym at college, and i was blown away by how naked and different everyone looked, not different from me, but just how different bodies are.
it hit me then how effective the media had been at convincing me of what a (steroetypical) woman's body is supposed to look like.
I remember thinking, "holy cow, i wish i had seen more naked women growing up!" i think it would have impacted me in a really positive body image kind of way.
I decided at that moment my daughters would spend time in at the community center as they grow up, so so that they learn earlier on that there are ALLL kinds of bodies out there!
what do you think? is there a link between modesty and body image issues?
Anonymous,
I agree with you to a point. If the only naked body you ever see is your own growing up, how do you know you're normal? And too much emphasis on privacy probably can cause issues.
I came from a very modest family. Well, relatively...they always had their underware on. I remember on the few occasions my mom would ever take a bath, we'd barge in to ask her stuff and she'd have three carefully placed washclothes covering the essentials.
Once as a kid, I walked into a Jackson Hole bathroom to see a buck naked lady staring at me in the mirror. (That's right, thanks to the mirror I got to see both sides.)
I ran out screaming. (Darn European tourists)
Solution? Frequent your local water park every summer. You and your kids will be treated to a sampling of every body type under the sun parading in front of you wearing next to nothing.
OR, if you insist on letting your kids see actual nudity, I suggest enrolling them in an art history class. :)
Either way, moderation in all things.
Wow, thank goodness I don't have to worry about this yet.
I would just like to bear (bare) brief testimony of what happens when you don't teach your kids about this.
So once I was over at my neighbor's pool, just hanging out with the mom and her three-year old, whom I frequently babysat. Out of nowhere, the little girl asks her mom if she can see her nipples. Weird huh. Yeah, and awkward. But she was only three, and I'm sure she learned soon afterwards that that was not appropriate.
The my freshman year in college, my roommate would come out of the shower naked under her robe, and totally just get naked right there in the room. No shame. I was usually asleep when she came into the room, but woke up on more than one occasion to see lots of her. I mean lots.
She would also get dressed in front of open blinds.
Haha acte gratuit, never nude! I love that show.
josie's comment is the most hysterical thing i have heard in a LONG LONG time. even mr. r got a belly laugh out of that one.
I don't know much about nudity, except that I plan on joining these people sometime soon.
I loved Josie's comment because it reminded me of the approach we have always taken... let the kids lead. If they seem embarrassed, be sensitive to it and be more modest. Having a boy has certainly changed the dynamics in our family, but my girls see me naked and it never seems to bother them. I would love it if they knocked before coming in the bathroom, but they often seem to have an "emergency" as I'm getting out of the shower and they think the basement bathroom is creepy =/
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