I recently alluded to the fact that we've become friends with a German family.
I don’t mean that to sound stereotypical, but their ethnicity is essential to my point. Not so much their German-ity, but their European-ness. Because while certain cultural groups – those who love to eat finger foods for example – can actually make me feel somewhat proper (with my preference for flatware and such), other cultural groups (i.e. Europeans) can make me feel like I was raised in a barn. And not a converted barn featured in Architectural Digest; a literal barn filled with dirty, untamed animals.
Yesterday, for example, Mrs. Deutsch had Miss Dub and me over for some girl talk/play-time for our babies. It was really fun. She lives in a town that has total
But when we went to go to the park, she asked, “Where are Miss Dub’s shoes?” Well, to be honest, while Miss Dub owns a large collection of shoewear, she prefers to go au naturel. And since she’s not walking yet, I usually let her. But I was a little embarrassed to admit that so I pretended like I’d just forgotten and borrowed the pair she kindly lent me.
Then she asked, “Has Miss Dub had her fresh air for the day?” Again, I had to admit that she hadn’t. But what I didn’t admit was that our daily excursions outside have little to do with Miss Dub’s health and more to do with my sanity. And that sometimes – though rarely in nice weather – the extent of fresh air she gets is going from the car to Target.
But what really made me wonder about my upbringing was when we ate lunch, which was a fresh zucchini/bell pepper pasta she’d made for the babies. Which didn’t really make me feel bad because most people are better cooks than I am, and I’ve long made peace with my unorganic tendencies.
“Does Miss Dub prefer a fork or a spoon?” Mrs. Deutsch asked.
Well, um, she prefers her index finger and thumb, and I prefer to feed her with a spoon so … “Spoon,” I said.
“That’s nice,” she said, “Miss Deutsch always wants to use a fork.”
Now, Miss Deutsch is 13-months-old so she has 5 developmental months on my lil’ Miss, but I was still shocked to watch her gracefully stab a few pieces of pasta and zucchini onto her fork, blow away some of the heat and put it carefully in her mouth. Then, she would stop for a few glugs of juice from her cup … a regular, handle-less, sippy-spout-less cup!
Meanwhile, Miss Dub and I were making a scene as I tried to get the pasta onto the spoon and into her mouth. Because at home I would have probably thrown a few pieces of pasta and zucchini (skip the bell peppers) onto her trough, er, highchair and let her go at them with her fingers. Some would make it into her mouth; most would end up on the floor or in her hair.
And getting her to drink from a regular cup was almost comical. While Miss Dub had surprisingly mastered the concept of holding and sipping from it, she would then tilt it all the way back and let the juice gush down her chin. Then, for her final trick, she would pour a little onto the floor for good measure.
Mrs. Deutsch thought it was funny, which was a relief. Miss Deutsch looked embarrassed for Miss Dub.
I was just surprised. Had I grossly underestimated the ability of a baby? Is it normal for a 13-month-old to eat her food with such grace that Emily Post would marvel?
After much thought, I realized that it isn’t normal for a 13-month-old American baby to do such things. We expect them to be babies. Mrs. Deutsch on the other hand told me that she lets her kids be unruly until they turn 1, at which point she enforces adult etiquette. And it works!
But we don’t even try. Shoot, we’re not even that well-mannered ourselves. We’re loud, and we’re laid back. We’re improper, and we're irreverent. We’re (often) totally oblivious to the rest of the world, its concerns and its customs. (But I’ll save that for a future HTT.)
And we love sippy cups. Because they’re easy. And Americans love easy. And maybe that’s OK?
But remind me to bring shoes next time.
p.s. My blog is having template issues. Bear with me.
17 comments:
Funny, funny! My 4 year old kept asking - what is sooooo funny? Miss Deutsch, Pasta & Zucchini, Forks (are you kidding me? I don't think I allowed my kids to wield a fork until they were 3 or 4. (I just looked up wield by the way, it is a real word, and it means 'to handle (as a tool) especially effectively'. so okay my kids weren't able to wield a fork until about 4! very clever writing, love it!
Okay. So I also have a 13 month old. She thinks that utensils are toys because when we go out to a restaurant, that is what she is given to play with! Luckily, I have no European friends to make me feel bad. I think my gal, and Miss Dub, are right on track! :)
I've seriously contemplated getting a dog, for the amount of food that ends up below kalle's highchair!!!
And I have promised myself I am really going to reinforce NO dumping, spilling, slipping, sliding food off the highchair with our next child ... haha!
A person who is close to me (I'm trying to be PC here) just blogged that their almost nine month old has said about 5 words- and I was thinking- are you kidding me? My daugher is 6 months and I don't expect for her to talk until at least a year... maybe that is just it- expectations! I just want her to be a little baby that I baby for as long as possible... because soon she will be saying... "All by myself" and you can't do anything for her!
It's the kid, we have two very different children. The first, we have pictures of her first birthday, she is using her spoon and makes very little mess. The second, well, hubby and I had to flip over who had to clean her and who had to clean her surroundings...I wasn't sure what I wanted less. It all evens out in the end. PS does it help we have a lot of Deutsch in our genes?
Okay, since it's your upbringing you are blaming for your lack of Continental graces, I confess we employed the two-fisted-delivery, floor-drain-and-firehose-clean-up method of toddler feeding. And, I might remind you (as I did so insensitively and often during your tender teenage years), it was never more appropriate nor exercised with greater stye-chair results than in your case. I respectively suggest that today's snapshot of Miss Dub is the picture of dining cleanliness and propriety compared to the spaghetti sauce as full-body exfoliant photo we like to show of her Mother as a tot. Actually, that picture might be of her Aunt, but it could have been her Mother, who nevertheless grew up to have an adult fixation on cleanliness (of kitchens if not children) than approaches OCD.
I think a few months makes a BIG difference in babies and their developing abilities, and I think some kids could grasp eating ettiquette faster than others. But having said that...EASIER IS BEST (ha!) As long as they aren't in Kindergarten snorting up their food like piggies and dumping juice on their heads, it's all good.
remember how it is the norm at the ess house to lick plates clean? okay, maybe not the norm, but i've seen it. that's for sure.
i'm just sayin'!
btw. my mom still says "two hands" when i'm holding a cup... you'd think that was b/c she can't let go of me as a baby. you'd be wrong -- i'm just quite the clutz. sometimes lack of manners/grace doesn't end at the toddler age.
OK . . . so I am SO not coming across on this blog as a mother with an ounce of decorum. First Mrs. Dub says she was raised in a barn. Then PDaddy admits that we let at least one of our daughters dump spaghetti on herself and we liked it so much we took a picture of it but our parenting skills are so poor that we can't remember exactly who we took the picture of. Then, Mrs. Ess admits that we like to lick our plates clean around here. Seriously people, what have I done to deserve this!
I have no defense (and no specific memory) of the spaghetti incident. But as far as the plate licking goes. . . I want it on the record that it is none other than Mrs. Ess's hubbie who is the main culprit there. And I'm not gonna lie, Steph . . . I turned over the child-rearing on that one to you several years ago.
As for Miss Dub. I'll take her barefoot and covered in goo any day of the week!
Wait . . . I just noticed that Miss Dub IS indeed wearing shoes when she playing in the diaper-genie.
if dumping spaghetti is wrong, then i don't wanna be right.
and i think my mister would say, "if licking your plate is wrong, then i don't want to be right."
it's an endearing trait.
I always put off self-feeding as long as possible. Maybe that's bad parenting, but it's just such a mess when you give a one-year-old a spoon and their own bowl of oatmeal. And all of my "big kids" use a fork and spoon just fine. What's the harm in waiting?
I have a phenomenal german nanny who whips up gourmet meals each day for lunch, requires fresh air time daily (even if it's raining, they sit on the patio), and raised my boys to be bilingual! Bilingual at 3 and 18 months! She's amazing! And it's especially darling when my boys say "nein" and "da" instead of no and yes.
I always feel bad bringing them home from their European haven. At home they have their choice of dino nuggets, hot dogs or quesadillas (all finger foods, usually made in the microwave). I try to keep them inside because I don't want them making a mess. And I certainly can't help them with their pronunciation and grammar in a foreign dialect.
Luckily I'm paying my german miracle to raise my children to be proper. I know mine would be nightmares without her. I'm clueless when it comes to prim and proper.
But I LOVED this blog post. Your writing is so brilliant (how's that for a Euro word). Ciao!
hey mrs. dub...enjoyed your blog. The design is beautiful. Did you do it yourself? You are a good writer too, but Nacho Libre?!
My son would give himself a facial and hair conditioning treatment everytime I gave him oatmeal or yogurt and a spoon. It also took him longer to figure out what the potty was for. My daughter(the Prodigy)drank from a cup at 6 mos. and had an off the charts vocabulary at 18 mos. But everything evened out by the time they were in their twenties.
Thank you, I have recently been searching for information about this topic for ages and yours is the best I have discovered so far.
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