I'm going to come clean: I'm a home school hater.
I have to be honest. When I hear that someone was home schooled, I naturally assume that they are lacking in social skills and received a skewed education.
("You can do your math right after you put away your laundry, Bobby!")
I mean, I've known some home schoolees over the years and they have all been a little odd. They either seemed overeager to be friends with the "regular" kids or were quiet and withdrawn. Maybe that's the very reason that their parents chose to home school them - they would have either been a troublemaker or the victim of troublemakers.
But mostly I just think it was because their mother was:
A) Convinced her life would be easier if she home-schooled because there would be no stringent schedules to follow, no school buses to miss and no homework to be lost
B) Convinced she knew more than certified school teachers and would be able to shield her children from any immorality, whether taught in books, by teachers or on the playground
C) Convinced that her children would be too lonely without her. (In other words, she would be lonely without them.)
Guess what? I don't think those are very good reasons.
(Uh-oh, here goes Mrs. Dub into another one of her unsolicited, unresearched, insensitive tirades!)
To those mothers, I say:
A) Being a mom isn't easy. Heaven knows I wish it was. Even having one lil' to watch over can be overwhelming at times. But that's what we signed up for - carpools and all. Taking your kids to school, overseeing their homework and finding lost library books is all part of the deal. If you don't give your kids some structure (like school), they'll drown in the real world, which is quite structured. Likewise, if you give them too much structure (like 15 after-school endeavors), they'll eventually rebel and abandon all extracurricular pursuits. It's all about balance. And home school is too much home.
B) I'm all for morals. I'm all for religion. I'm just not for sheltering children from anything that doesn't jive with our personal belief system. If something at school is questionable, clarify the matter at home with your kids so that they understand where you stand. Encourage them to think it through for themselves. And don't worry too much about the language or behavior taking place on your school's playground. (Within reason, clearly some students these days are going to disgusting extremes that must be reported.) Trust your child will steer clear of these influences. (Thanks to all that additional love, support and moral teaching going on at home.) Children learn more from standing up for what they believe in than from being raised in a bubble.
C) You need a friend. Clearly you've lost a sense of self in your selfless mommy-ing. You're welcome to come over for dinner any time. Then, we'll go buy you some new clothes. You probably need them.
There you have it. My totally biased reasons why you should NOT home school your children.
But there is an objective side to all of this:
1) I'm open to your opinions. Do you think home schooling is a good idea or a bad one? Persuade me! (In the comments below.)
2) I've changed my mind about charter schools. I used to see them as silly schools for mothers "this close" to home-schooling, but I now appreciate them for providing an alternative to traditional education. (And for putting a little heat on underperforming schools who must now compete for your tax dollars.) Although I still firmly believe that the best way to improve your public school is to keep your kids in them and GET INVOLVED.
The End.
26 comments:
as you know ...i feel the same way about home schooling. why would you trust yourself as the sole educator of your own children if you're not certified? you wouldn't trust yourself as a surgeon to your children if you weren't certified.
...and yes, i think education is THAT important.
even though i AM a certified teacher, i am not an expert in all the grades that my children will be in. i am sure that i will do some EXTRA things at home, but I cannot be a good kindergarten, third and sixth grade teacher at the same time. but i know that there are people who are. we call them TEACHERS and you can find them in a SCHOOL.
"Education is the power to think clearly, the power to act well in the world's work, and the power to appreciate life." --Brigham Young (this is on my wall in my PUBLIC education classroom.)
I can't add much to Mrs. R. Well said. The biggest thing to me is the 'sheltering' part. Eventually the kid gets sent out into the merciless world all soft and open for wounding because they couldn't develop a hard shell (i.e. coping skills) gradually, over time. I do have friends, family and neighbors who all home school...and I just read some interesting comments about it at a blog called www.pioneerwoman.com (she admits she's a freak, but gives her reasons for it).
i am with you. i always assume that these women are crazy and yes, are all probably wearing denim jumpers. there are alot of things about school that freak me out. the thing is - that i think they are suppose to freak you out. i was shocked as a 12 year old to hear what kids were doing and i'm sure to be shocked as a mother. i just pray that my boys make good choices...don't you have to pray for that regardless? the only way that i can understand homeschoolers is if you are a hippy, nomad family - traveling the world in search of philosophy and selling hemp bracelets. for some strange reason i "get that."
I don't think any home-school mom I've known has chosen it for reason "A," unless they have very unusual vacation plans. From what I've seen, those moms spend far more time in preparing lessons, curriculum, etc. not to mention teaching it, than any mother whose kids GO to school. Reason "B" has got to be the biggest one. I do know many more home-schooled kids now (or I know their parents) than I did growing up, and although I don't think it's as WERID as I used to think, I still would not consider it for my children.
I have no problem with the Charter school concept and came very close to sending my kids to one. Some of them are great; some less than great. Luckily, in my part of town (Gilbert) there are lots and lots of kids; therefore lots and lots of schools to choose from: public, public traditional, charter, private, you name it. You can check their ratings & test scores on greatschools.net, and having a CHOICE is a nice thing.
i have so many opinions on this topic, as it seems we all do! I completely agree with all of your not-so-PC opinions, but I think one reason that you forgot to mention is that lots of people do it so their children can have a "God-centered education," which is great in theory, but really, come on, it's completely unacceptable to the rest of the world. The home-schooled children I know are now adults, and have, unfortunately, not adjusted all that well to society. None of them have gone to college, and all are in blue-collar, or wannabe blue-collar jobs. Not that there's anything wrong with that. :) I have learned, though, that as much as I would love to support public schools, they are not always equipped nor do they have time or money to become equipped to provide the best education for every child. Obviously, because that's impossible. But we've run into an issue with Audrey that we didn't foresee, and now we're considering putting her in a private school. mostly, we're hoping to do something so she won't dread going every day. she loves to learn, don't get me wrong, but she's not doing a whole lot of that, since most of her teacher's day is spent disciplining unruly kids and teaching them how to hold pencils.
So, we obviously knew all the same homeschoolers growing up. Remember the pasty-white home-schooled brother/sister combo that took piano lessons with us from Mrs. Beatty? I remember the girl telling me “My dad’s the principal!” in this dreamy voice that led me to conclude that she had a huge crush on both the principal and her dad. But having seen her brother, I have to say that if her dad and her brother were the only boys at MY school, I would have had a crush on the dad as well. I saw this problem again when, as a Young Women’s leader, I was over a family of girls who were home-schooled. Their parents subscribed to a series of videotaped “classes” teaching different subjects. The girls had a huge crush on the videotape teacher and were always telling me about him. Finally, they showed me one of their tapes. I was really disheartened because their purportedly “cute” teacher was obviously (a) not cute and (b) stuck in the year 1982, when the classes were apparently recorded. My point is that, in both these cases, the girls had crushes on the only boys/men/parents/possibly deceased persons they encountered at “school.” Interacting with family members is simply not socializing—the rules are so different. I realize that some home-schooling parents institute a curriculum that involves regular activities with an entire home-schooling network. Hooray for them! They are probably the same devoted parents who have an actual classroom in the house and regular school hours. But I think the rest are doing a disservice to their kids. You can always catch up in calculus in college. But you can’t go to a junior high dance in college. At least not without getting arrested.
You don't know me, but I just read your blog and felt an immediate need to comment. Your writing is as you said- "unresearched" and certainly "insensitive". Many parents choose to home-teach their children, and can you really put their motives so patronizingly into three categories? How can you even begin to pretend like you know them or understand them? Especially when apparently all of the people you know who have been home-taught or who are home-teaching are so socially inept, you wouldn't dare approach them and ask for yourself. They wouldn't answer anyway. They'd probably just stare at you and slobber.
Just keep assuming. They are "hippies", "freaks", "crazy", and yes, they are standing on the corner selling hemp bracelets for crying out loud.
I will not "persuade" you to the benefits of home-schooling children. Clearly, you don't actually want to hear it.
-Stacey
I was just doing some blog surfing tonight...clicked on a link, clicked on another link, clicked on yet another link and came across your post. Thought I'd leave a comment arguing the other side. I'm not a homeschooler (yet) but considering it for my almost five year old daughter. Initially, I started researching homeschool for two reasons. First our school district only offers all day kindergarten. I think that's a little much for my barely five year old. Second, we live in what I would consider a inner-city school district. Only 46% of 4th graders pass the English language art exam. Clearly the system is not working. And yes, if we had the option to move we would and will once my husband finishes up a residency program here.
So as I've begun searching for alternative I've decided:
1. I DO trust myself to be my child's educator. I know my child way better than any public school teacher will. I know her learning style, what motivates her, what her interests are, her strengths and weakness. And lets face it, giving a child personal one on one attention everyday will provide a far superior education than the overworked teacher spread thin between 20 plus students.
2. I don't think you can lump all homeschoolers together as having skewed education. From what I've seen most homeschoolers are very well rounded. They are able to study a broader range on subjects more in depth. They are self-motivated, independent learners. And yes, they do tend to go on to college. Homeschoolers simply have more time. They don't have to waste time on the bus or standing in line outside the classroom or lunch room. I just visited a kindergarten class where the teacher spent the first half hour of class monitoring who was taking a bathroom break. She spent the next forty minutes doing calendar time. I'm sorry but my four year old already knows the days of the week and months of the year. Do we really need to spend forty minutes on it! The kids were bored out of their mind and school had just begun.
3. Why not shelter your kids at least for a little while? Schools are becoming more and more toxic. If you knew there was an outbreak of malaria at the school you'd rush right in to protect your child from danger, right? It's my job as a parent to protect, to train and to lead. I don't think you can send your young child off for six or seven hours a day and not put them in spiritual danger.
4. As far as the socialization issue--I don't think anyone else needs to be socializing my 5 year old. I really don't want the negative influences, questionable behavior, or bad language coming home. Plus, my daughter gets plenty of interaction through regular play dates, primary, dance class, swim lessons, trips to the zoo, reading time at the library, classes at the museum etc. I don't think she is going to be a social misfit because she doesn't have two half hour recesses and a lunch hour in a crowded cafeteria.
5. Homeschooling promotes strong family relationships.
6. Homeschooling curriculum can be way more challenging then the dumbed-down curriculum you might get when the poor teacher has to cater to the lowest common denominator, so to speak. And, where better to learn than in a loving nurturing atmosphere.
7. I can choose to have learning centered on gospel truths. Reading lessons can come from the Book of Mormon. My child can become a lover of the scriptures in her tender youth. I think she going to need it.
8. I won't have to give up the activities I love most about being a mother. Yeah, we can still go to the museums together, the library each week, the zoo, field trips. I love watching my daughter "get it". Love that look when the light bulb goes off in her head. And I won't miss the look on her face when she sees the butterfly finally comes out of the cocoon. How exciting was that!
9. I can be actively involved in every aspect of my child's development. Isn't that why we become stay at home moms? To shape , mold, direct and guide our children daily.
10. Ok, my husband just came and told me I'm turning psychotic...gotta get off this computer. So, ultimately I haven't decided myself what to do about my child's education. But hey, I love my kids. Just tying to figure out what's best for them.
PS. I don't own a denim jumper. Might have to look in to that.
stacey -
glad to hear that you don't own a denim jumper. although you didn't address whether or not you have a crush on your dad :)
thanks for your thoughts on home schooling. a lot of us have been exposed to home schoolers of years past who might have represented different parenting styles and philosophies. you made some great points that helped us analyze the issue in a modern context.
despite your arguments, i think i'll still send my kids to public school ... though i'm all too aware of what a risk that might be, both morally and educationally speaking. i have faith and trust my child will choose wisely and learn well without my constant guidance. and that all those other students (even the problem ones) will ultimately add to her "life" education.
but what you did persuade me to do is be less judgmental about those who choose to home school their children. clearly it is a complex issue that can only be decided on a per family basis. what's good for me may not be right for you.
good luck with your choice and don't be afraid to check back. i'm sure to be back to simpler topics, like how much i love target.
you do love target, don't you?
Whoa - talk about a wind storm.
As for me and my house, there is no way we are to be a home-schooling family - obviously because that would mean that I would be doing all the work in regards to the teaching. Frankly, I've got too much else going on - namely, the other children I'm a mother to. If you stop and calculate how much prep work, teaching time, grading and then reteaching if needed - then times that by how ever many children there will eventually be in the family....that equals a number WAY to big for me to handle.
I want to echo what has been said before me - as a mother, I am completely freaked out about what it will mean for me to drop my kids at school, not see them for 8 hours and wrap my brain around what may be happening. The bottom line is this, though - whether our kids go to private or public school, we have to be active participants in our children's education. Get in the classrooms as aides, TALK TO our kids and WITH our kids about what was taught in the classroom and said on the playground, talk with other parents, talk to teachers - talk and listen so that we are educated as to what is going on.
I think schools today are a reflection of the society we live in - it's scary, but that is part of this life and what we all signed up for in the beginning. The key is to have HOPE and FAITH that we will be sensitive to the needs of our kids, providing them the guidance they need and then trusting them to make good choices. It's scary, but God did it when he sent us here - with His help, we can do it, too.
Just for clarification, Anonymous #2 isn't Stacy, just forgot to sign my name--so can't reply to the "crush" comment. Thanks Mrs. Dub for the reply. This is kind of fun. I've never commented on a random blog before. I do agree with the last comments made by Natalie. I really don't think I would even be considering homeschooling as an option if I lived outside of New York. My husband and I grew up in Idaho--it's a bit more sheltered there. And eventually we'll move back there. And I'm not really considering homeschooling as a long term solution.
-A.
"...It's scary, but God did it when he sent us here" Exactly. Nice post Mrs. Dub...what's next? Breastfeeding, working mothers?
Wowza! I read this post this morning, and I had a feeling it would generate some commentary. Way to bring up a touchy subject, Mrs. Dub. Thanks to "A" for expressing your feelings. I really appreciated them. And I'm glad you clarified that you are not Stacey.
As the mother of a 5-yr-old (my oldest) who will be starting kindergarten next year, I'm scared out of my mind... but he'll be in public school. We are fortunate to live in a very good school district. If we didn't, I'd have to think long and hard...
Great food for thought from all the comments and the original post.
Great comments. My oldest is 5 and could be starting Kindergarten next fall, so this is something my husband and I are thinking a lot about. I see pros and cons to school AND to homeschool. I really appreciate the comments from 'A' - I couldn't have said it better. She really summed up my thoughts. Hopefully whatever we decide will be best for OUR children.
I am not one who plans to homeschool my children either, and I used to think the way you do about homeschoolers, but I have since changed my mind about homeschoolers and the "denim jumpers" that we tend to think they all wear.
I have come to know MANY homeschoolers in the past few years and I have a totally different opinion about them. My daughter is adopted and her birthmother was homeschooled. You would NEVER know. Socially she is normal, educationally she is normal--even attends college. She is married to a wonderful guy who is completely normal. We also have members of our ward who homeschool and their children are NORMAL. There are many groups in our area who homeschool and they often get together for homeschooling activities, so the kids have MANY opportunities for interaction.
I think the important thing to remember is that we all have decisions to make, and we all have reasons we make those decisions, and it isn't our place as outsiders to judge those decisions. I don't like it when someone criticizes my parenting style--it makes me feel bad.
I don't want to be the sole educator of my children, but I also know that there are some pretty wacky teachers out there, who probably shouldn't be teaching school (I had one of those myself)...so to say that a parent is less qualified to teach a child isn't always accurate. I think it is important to be INVOLVED in your childs education whether it is homeschooling or public/private schooling, to determine what is best for the child. I think this is true in ALL aspects of our children's lives!
Let's not forget about those kids in public school who were a little odd too--they exist everywhere. It surprises me that adults are kind of odd too. As a child I thought all adults were the sane and normal...boy was I wrong! but that's another post all together...
Man, everyone has made such excellent points. Lynn is spot-on about there being odd people everywhere--and we all have our odd moments, don't we? Also, it has been interesting to read the comments of many of you that I have known pre- & post-kids. I can totally see how one's opinion towards homeschooling might change once her kids face the scary prospect of entering the public school system. Thanks for keeping me thinking on a crazy day at the office.
Yes, of course I have a crush on my dad. Is that weird?
To be honest, I was not home-schooled. And I am not a home-schooler. I really don't have strong feelings about this topic- I was only stating that I didn't like Mrs. Dub's ignorant and ridiculous claims. Of course, it is her blog and she may do whatever it is she would like with it. But she did ask for comments. And I gave them.
I am with you one million percent!
(That's the kind of good math you learn at public school.)
Oh, I was supposed to convince you that you're right.
School is about more than education in outlined subjects. Public school is also about negotiating a bureaucracy, learning to deal with people whose morals don't always reflect yours, and a myriad of other 'life lessons.'
It's simple to educate a child in a particular subject. Lessons on how to conduct yourself in our culture and society are more difficult to learn if you are in a pod that only reflects you and your opinions.
The thing I see is that you may be able to pull off home schooling education with children at a elementary school level, but there is no way a home schooled high school student will get the same education as a public school student. Even if a parent can teach young kids how to read and write and do basic math, I have met no mom who has mastered all of the above high school classes...Calculus and World History, not to mention has a laboratory in their home to learn Chemistry or Biology.
I guess if one chooses to home school children to save them from the evil and corruption of high school, that is an issue, but educationally those kids will be lacking, and are college classes less evil and corrupt?
I'm sorry but I must add two short comments to "JP". I am truly sorry that your children had such negative experiences with church members, but are you also "Home-Churching" them? Secondly, I am not still reeling from public school experiences. I am an adult, I got over them, that's what adults do. My children learned to deal with such things because they were taught how to have a good attitude towards life and not to be fearful of it. Let's see . . . I believe I taught them correct principles and then . . . oh yes, now I remember . . . they learned to govern themselves.
MTS
Wow, JP! I needed a few bathroom breaks to make it through that one! If you don’t already have your own blog, you should consider starting one since you have a lot to say about this issue. (And I imagine many others.) You clearly love your children and want the best for them. Kudos for all the work you put into being a mother and schoolteacher to them. (I say schoolteacher because I think all mothers are teachers.) A typical day sounds lovely and much like afternoons and weekends were like with my own family. Still, we’ll have to agree to disagree on a few (make that most) points. Though I will say that your comment exposed me to as much explicit content as my entire public education experience. But since you like CJane, I’ll let it slide this time.
and for the record, and before anyone else loses sleep over this post -- my original post was "tongue-in-cheek." my loyal readers know that i take a humorous, bold stance on things to get them off my chest. i'm editorializing not moralizing.
Which is probably the best thing I got from public school--a sense of humor (and a collection of jokes I couldn't re-tell). Oh, and context, perspective, having to test and defend and internalize my beliefs, and opposition in all things. Haven't used algebra or chemistry or The Merchant of Venice lately, but I rely on that other stuff every day.
Mrs. Dub,
You are very gracious. It is all I can do to keep up with the very few blogs that I read so I will not be starting my own. I know-"so sad".
I want to apologize if I offended you with my explicit comments. There is lots more where that came from, but I will spare you the gory details.
I also want to make it clear that although I have very strong opinions on this subject, I do not fault anyone for sending their kids to public school (although I do disagree with the way it is funded). I am grateful that we have educational choices. I am grateful that God wants home schooling for MY children. If He wanted my kids in public school, they would be there in a heart beat.
MTS,
Just for the record, I am not in therapy or anything. I do believe that everything we experience has an effect on us to some degree. I referred to my sister's experience on the playground to make a point about the sensitivity of a child's psyche. Just because my sister isn't dysfunctional doesn't mean she wasn't traumatized. Would you honestly want your precious children to see such a thing?
I think that the pettiness, shallowness, cruelty, the false "socialization", materialism, preoccupation with things of little or no worth, charisma of teachers who teach false principles, etc etc. are just as damaging. It takes a long time to recover from those type of things. I don't think it is necessary to be in the mire all the time to understand how the world works. I would rather have my kids be objective observers than participants. (BTW-want a great read. Google C.S. Lewis' essay "The Inner-Ring" -lots of food for thought)
I think I get what you were saying about "Home -churching" my kids. Let me say that if I didn't have a testimony that that is where they were supposed to be they wouldn't be there. The point that I was trying to make by sharing those experiences was that it is near impossible to shelter your children from bad things-even at church. Nor do I believe that they should be. I do believe in being prepared and armed for battle. I am glad that we have so much time with them so that we can do just that.
I also go out of my way to be positive and teach my children to have faith. I don't want them to be scared.
I am happy to report that the scripture you quoted is one of my favorites. (I do not however believe that the Lord was referring to 6 year olds -otherwise they would be held accountable). Teaching our children correct principles so they can govern themselves is precisely why we home school. Agency is a big subject around here and is one we have spent many hours pondering about, especially in regards to our role as parents. We believe that our kids have the opportunity to govern themselves much more at home than they would at school. At home they choose what they learn about and how they divide their time rather than jumping through predetermined hoops. They also are able to govern their own trips to the bathroom, something they would be unable to do without a hall pass.
Get my point?
-JP
something they would be unable to do AT PUBLIC SCHOOL without a hall pass.
Thanks for listening to me. I won't annoy you anymore.
-JP
Post a Comment