The skinny on skinny

I don’t want to be skinny.

You heard me right.

I don’t want to be skinny.

Shoot, I don’t even want to be thin.

To those who are naturally skinny or have the willpower to healthily maintain a slimmish figure, I offer my sincere congratulations. You deserve it. Enjoy single-digits sizes and single scoops of ice cream, as the case may be.

Thin is great for lots of people. I’m just not one of them.

I know that the world would tell me I’m crazy. Shoot, Nicole Richie and her gang of lollipop-shaped celebutantes are probably plotting a way to eliminate me and my love handles. (However, they probably won’t have the energy to carry through. A cornel of corn a day just can’t support cavorting and gangbanging, it appears.)

Thin just doesn’t feel right on me. It’s all bony and awkward. And there’s no amount of food small enough to make my child-bearing hips disappear. So I might as well pad my other regions to stay in proportion.

However, I don’t want to be fat.

(Here’s the part where my offended thin readers start to feel appeased and my fat readers start to feel offended.)

Again, I have nothing against fat people. Some of my favorite people are considered fat by BMI charts. I, however, just consider them to be funny or nice or beautiful. And one day I’ll figure out a chart to measure those important things. (That would be the day after I figure out how to do math again.)

So it isn’t that I think fat is ugly. I just don’t think fat is pretty on me. And I certainly don’t want to be the spokesperson for people carrying a few extra pounds … which is the latest compliment for overweight individuals. I guess, “But you have such a beautiful face,” got exposed as the patrionizing, I-don’t-know-what-to-say-to-my-larger-friend comment it was. So now, people tell you, “But you are such a great example of a real woman.” Or, “But you look healthy” … as you shovel down some fries.

Or, my personal favorite: “You’re big and beautiful.”

Leave the last one to Queen Latifah, who I hope loves her natural curves. And they are natural. Because some people are bigger than others. I, however, was not made to be a BIG girl.

I was made to be me.

Me is about a size 10, depending on the brand. Me is confident to wear a swimsuit without boardshorts into the water. (Seriously skinny girls, when you wear them you just make me laugh.) Me is eating fresh fruits and veggies and a whoppin’ slice of cake when a true special occasion arises.

Me is not into working out for hours on end. Me is not into lying about hating the taste of fattening foods like eggs and peanut butter when I’m really just scared of them. Me is not into looking good to meet someone else’s standard of beauty.

Me is happy.

Me is not skinny.

Currently, I’m not quite feeling like myself. But I’m well on my way thanks to some recent weight loss and thyroid resolution. And I’ve definitely reestablished healthy eating habits. So I’m sure to be back to my old self in a few months.

And, who knows, maybe I’ll go for a size 8 in the end.

But if you ask me, that’s way too skinny.