Love to hate you

As Erasure implied in it's uber-80's hit, sometimes there are just people that you love to hate. (Or hate to love on occasion.) In this case, it's Rachael Ray, the poster girl for the Food Network. She has 4 -- count 'em, 4 -- shows on that network. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if they renamed it the Rachael Ray Network ... or the EVOO Network ... or the "Delish" Network. (Yes, those are all Rachael-isms and some of the reasons that I don't really like Ms. Ray.)

Now, she appears to be a nice person. She's upbeat and all smiles and quite charming. I'm sure this is why the Food Network and its viewers can't get enough of her. But she can also be a real nerd. If I hear her say, "Mmm-Mmm-Mmm" one more time, I may hit her with a bowl of "smashed" potatoes. (Yes, they're not mashed, but smashed in Rachael's kitchen.) If she waxes poetic about the wonders of her trash bowl, I might have to put her in one. If she carries one more towering pile of fake-labeled ingredients to the island, I will secretly wish that she trips. And if she wears one more tight-fitting bodysuit with a low-cut neckline, I might have to report her to the crew at What Not to Wear.

Perhaps, I'm jealous. The woman can cut onions like a banshee. And she does have a knack for making things that wouldn't normally seem appetizing (like sauerbraten) sound suddenly irresistible. And my personal recipe book is overflowing with ideas from 30-Minute Meals. The reality is that her show is one of the only ones on the Food Network that incorporates household ingredients and rarely requires a trip to an international market. Her meals really are fast and easy and tasty. (Though I'll never call them "delish".) And EVOO does make everything better.

But I just can't stop making fun of her. Watching 30-Minute Meals has become a Mystery Science Theater 3000 experience at the Dub household. Half of it is watched in awe and half is mocked. And try as I might to discuss her positive attributes -- "She does seem humble" and "Wow, she can really scoop up those veggies with her knife" -- I just can't bring myself to truly like her.

So it seems, Rachael Ray, that I love to hate you.