Mad scientist

I'm typing this blog as a sort of experiment.

My hypothesis: A person who doesn't blog doesn't exist.

And since I've felt pretty nonexistent the last month or so, I'd thought blogging could be my solution. So I've donned my literary lab coat and put on my safety glasses and set out to chronicle what has been going on (or not going on) while I've been on my blogger sabbatical. Hopefully, when all is said and done I'll feel like my life isn't actually the dreary wasteland it seems to be. And if that doesn't work, something will surely explode or grow mold or develop a theorem. (That's what science experiments do, right? My science projects were always things like, "A study on the best way to get tan." I'm not really a quantitative person.)

Here's the highlights from my life as of late, written as clever book titles because science fair judges are a sucker for witty presentation:

• "Me and the Porcelain Throne" -- Except, in this case, I haven't been the mighty queen who sits high above and rules her bathroom empire below. Rather, I've played the role of peasant, bowing down (sometimes 20 times a day) to the abdicated throne. Needless to say, I'm really sick of being sick. What started out as manageable morning/all day sickness turned better then worse, then "Are you freakin' kidding me?" Oh, Mrs. Eff, how I feel for you now!
  
• "'Rents" -- Not a Broadway musical, but we did take the train past Broadway, a famous street here in Chi-town. Yes, the 'rents came into town a couple weeks ago and my nausea eerily subsided for the most part. We watched the Cubs at Wrigley, took a double-decker bus tour of downtown and ate out almost every meal. Did I mention me mum bought me seven articles of bumpable clothing? So I kinda had a life ... for a weekend anyway.
  
• "Sole Food" -- While I had been happily enjoying the craving side effect of pregnancy -- which, let's be honest, just felt like normal because thinking about what I want to eat has always been a favorite pasttime -- I was suddenly hit with aversion tendencies about a week ago. As in, I'm averse to eating. Mexican food? I just dry-heaved writing the words. Good Asian cuisine? Don't even make me think about it. Sandwich? Disgusting. Any thing sold at the grocery store? Not a chance. Tortilla soup? Never mind the fact that I was craving it for hours and made it myself; one sip and I couldn't even look at it. Same goes for some garlic bread that I might have to throw out of the house because just knowing it is around is bothering me. The only thing I've managed to eat in the last few days is some bagels, some rolls and a Powerbar. And I didn't enjoy a second of it. (Where was this hidden talent when I wanted to lose weight not gain it?)
  
• "Mr. Mom" -- If this was an experiment about whether or not my husband loved me, I'd win a Nobel Prize. The poor man has become a full-time homemaker, back-rubber, comforter and errand runner. (And did I mention he's getting his master's in his free time?) I didn't know at the time that our long courtship was actually an arching rainbow, but I'm happy to say that I've found the pot of gold and it was worth the journey. However, I don't know if he would agree at this point. (Please, don't ask!)
  
• "Wuthering Lows" -- Aside from my toilet, my couch and I have also grown quite close. Same goes for the boob tube, which is quite aptly nicknamed, especially if you cruise past the E! channel. In short, I've seen too much HGTV, too many horrible movies ("Uptown Girls" comes to mind) and too much of my couch. However, when you feel dizzy even when motionless, there's not too many options, although going to bed at 9 is a good way to shake things up.

Hmm ... now, that I've written all the highlights of my life (and I promise I've left out a lot of the lowlights), I can see my hypothesis is wrong. It's not my lack of blogging that's kept me from being a normal member of society, it's pregnancy!

So ... I may continue to be a sporadic blog contributor.

But one thing is certain: It won't be because I have life.

But it will all be worth it.